Saturday, July 01, 2006

Lex Luthor

Lex Luthor is bald, he also takes on Superman. Fucking Superman. Michael Jordon, bald (by choice I know) same as Shaq, Tim Alexander, Bruce Willis whatever. A lot of ungreat people are also bald John Howard, Koschey etc.
The other night I looked up in the mirror and noticed my hairline had receeded or had it? I don't know I never paid it any attention before. Looking back on old photos I couldn't tell either.
It was the most shameful I've ever acted to myself in my life. Not a week after posting a blog on why the beauty industry shouldn't exist I was racking my brains trying to think of the most legitimate treatment for reversing the balding process. Instead of walking the streets looking at cleavage my eyes where fixed on hairlines. After relaxing myself through meditation I located the ball of anxiety that had been a constant presence behind my brow and removed it.
I have thought about going bald, the solution was simple just shave my head. I remember my delight when I first shaved my head to discover I had a normal shaped head. It wasn't the ugly lumpy thing I had imagined it was. I was beautiful in every dynamic. I also thought about how I would behave if I was ever disfigured. Learning to accept a different reacition to me when I went out or met new people.
I had never counted on balding being this receeding hairline deal that was going to take place over the next 20 years requiring my judgement as to when to shave the dome or not.
At somepoint I do want to shave my hair down to the skin. I also want to have a mohawk during the airstrip phase, when I go gray I want to have long crazy hair like einstein or dread locks like an old hoodoo priest.
And I'd like to keep my hair long for another couple of years yet. It is a simble of my vitality to me and creative feminine flair.
As for my receeding hairline. I ended up having to conclude if it has receeded it has been so undramatic that as far as I can determine it happened some time between when I was 12 judging by photos and three days ago. I didn't notice didn't care. What shocked me is the realisation that I am going to age anyway, and that I may not notice which frankly is how I'd prefer it.
Overall experience has been positive, from checking out hairlines of men aged 16 to 60 I've realised that a) receeding hairlines are present in 9 out of 10 cases if indeed they are receeding I really cant tell because I never paid it any heed before. b) here was me not worried about my dreams but how I would look when I achieved them.
c) speaking of dreams if women who want childrens biological clock causes them this must stress and actually does put time pressure on achieving the dream (possibly explaining a high rate of divorce in our liberated society) it is ten times better to be a dude.
So I was out dining with two of my favorite people in the world Andy and Jerry and I raised my concern. Jerry concluded flatly yes, (my housemate concluded flatly no) then and here is the greatest thing Andy and Jerry got really excited for me like it was the greatest thing in the world. Not in any condescending way but literally 'You are no longer a child, it means you are a man!' 'An old man I don't want to be an old man' 'no not an old man a young man but not a child. You will be rich and wear armani suits now ...' they began to describe all the wonderful things that were going to happen to me now I was a 'man'.
Which is why I love Jerry and Andy. When I described how I hadn't been putting enough time into finding a girlfriend Jerry shook his head and said 'No tom, you will have the best, the best wife' I don't think any girl I could marry would actually live up to their standards, chinese guys like girls with 'big noses like white people' and 'very thick eyebrow' and shit most white guys opt asian to get away from.
But alas I walked away feeling really shit thinking am I at the end of an era, spontaneous playful arsehole tom? The answer is yes, in light of recent events I think I am at the end of an era. I'm no longer a uni student waiting for a chance to do something, I've started to actually effect other peoples lives and dreams. The answer is also no, I don't think my behaviour will change now or ever, young skin or old skin, hair no hair. It just cant because my image while being an expression of my personality has very little to do with causing it.
Another thing was that Jerry and Andy are exactly right, it is a great thing and I certainly feel more empowered and self aware than I did 5 years ago. More beautiful too when I used to paranoidly stare into the mirror to determine whether my nose had been deformed or not. My real pressing problem is that I hear people and don't listen to them. Which I have to stop if I want to be like Marcos, or Ricardo Semler, if I want to be a labradorian. If I want to be a humanist like Cosimo di Medici I have to listen and put faith in people so they can achieve more. Rather than spending two days worrying about how to stop my hairline receeding.

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