Saturday, July 22, 2006

I want to be Black

As much as I hate mobile phones the predictive text on mine has been the first spelling tutor I've had in years. I used to always spell want 'wan't' with that unnecessary apostrophie that I never ever thought to expand out and discover just how unnecessary it was. I also learned how to spell banana or at least how many n's are enough. The sad irony is there's probably 20 spelling mistakes in this paragraph already.
Far too late in life I am getting into the whole copulating black culture thing. I never was into it before hand. And just for the record I have met black africans who still try to be 'black' what we're really talking about is being a bad ass ghetto pimp, I mean there's so many black people on earth and when I say copulating black culture I'm not talking wearing bill cosby sweaters and Masai body paint. I'm talking the Doc J fro, listening to Run DMC, A Tribe Called Quest..., using unnecessary hand gestures to talk, wearing clothes that are too big and getting basketball frustration instead of sexual frustration.
That being said it's from hanging out with Asians that I've gotten into the I wanna be black thing. Wearing basketball boots again. Admittedly they all think I'm a fag, but do I really want to be black or do I want to be asian. And if being asian means wanting to be black then why bother wanting to be asian, why not skip the middle man and just be black?
I certainly am not into all this emo fashion shit, even the skate punks are wearing tight jeans. I don't get how you can play sport in tight jeans. If basketball shorts had trustworthy pockets I'd never wear anything else.
But seriously my faggy post about labradorian values I think the point about eating with gusto is a major advantage to my late blooming in black culture copulation. I can just run at it full tilt now. I'm at that age where people my age have just plain stopped being cool. Just getting a short hair cut and slipping into drab office culture and that is the end of that.
One thing I thought I'd never embrace is the destinctly asian fureeta culture from Japan. That is the latest generation of workers is hitting the office staying 6 months if that, then quitting to become full time surfers.
I was chatting to Pink Ranger in the car the other day about the dirth of motivation to work our way up the lader given most of our managers lead empty work oriented lives.
I have a good work ethic, I would even say a great one. Like Allen Iverson I might get a tattoo to commemorate it. 'Work smart not hard' the way I see it I start of sleeping 8 hours a day, 8 hours work and then 8 hours recreation. that's a starting point, efficiency should mean I should start reaping greater time returns from working hours channeled into increased r&r each day. So I always try and automate everything I do and become more efficient at work. I got it down to like 2 hours a day I need to cover my entire job description then I stick around for another 5.5 hours to do whatever else it is I'm paid to do.
I'd seriously be pissed off if my efficiency expert worked overtime, tell me you wouldn't fire them?
I actually think I've wasted my life. I should be pursuing the real American dream. Being good at basketball. There's a game that means something. And rap. I mean almost all my reasons for ultimately working and existing is to enable myself to engage in some form of play (basketball, sex, music etc) I realise I shouldn't narowly define some of them terms as "play" there's a whole complex range of emotions and intamacy, interralation and love involved in basketball, and maybe sex too.
That being said there's a double entrendre (I mean 'meaning' whatever fucking french, nobody ever says italy) to saying I want to be black. I was unfortunately born a wealthy white westerner, a male wealthy white westerner and very ambitious. Very ambitious. That being said the world is at the feet of a young attractive wealthy white westerner. Fortunately I'm not religious so all the good I do comes from me and isn't required by some extarnality like my vengeful god.
That being said my achievements in context are much less than If I was born into a downtrodden minority, nor could I benifit from reverse racism (ie. given more credibility because I'm from a minority) when I make an insightful comment about the nature of racism and paint a bold and thoughtful vision for the world our children should live in, it never goes down as well as some chilean dude to my left who mouths off 'love and peace...blah blah...I hope we can embrace as brothers Australia and my people who have suffered...blah blah...George Bush is a criminal.'
If I was black I could come at it from a new angle and be listened to. Although maybe in the long run being black preaching to the lefty pinko do gooders may have less impact than being white and a reformist CEO of a big bank, or the Yakuza.
Mind you then there's Eminem one of the most repetitive and respected hip hop artists out there, everyone admires his achievements because he's from a downtrodden hip hop minority.
Word to your mother.

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