Wednesday, August 20, 2014

"Think about the times you've felt good about yourself. What commonalities do you see?"

Space, I see space. I might feel good when I'm at an exhibition and it's buzzing and there's a lot of people there. But generally when I feel good about myself will be after the event. A couple of days, maybe while running. When shit is quiet and I am alone. That's when I acknowledge myself.

Then there's times when I know I feel good because I lose control of my face. I can recall vividly sinking a basket back in the day which was a rare occurrence (and funnily I can't recall anything else around me but the ball going through the net) and feeling super proud of myself. Just flooded with euphoria.

Between those and the first example, I know I feel good when I'm in my own world. Not pressed, or motivated. In those times, even though generally I fear isolation (though I do so much to exacerbate it, is that really something I can claim?) I actually like myself, when given time to assess.

Exercise is also the common connection, most of my self appreciation seems to happen during exercise. I even enjoy catching my own reflection as I run past shop fronts. (Actually, I enjoy my own reflection wherever it appears)

And generally it follows some achievement, no matter the scale of it. It's where I can forget the opinions of others and validate myself. It goes both ways, there are people I get concerned about if I fail to impress them with my achievements (well, generally speaking - person) and other people whose praise and validation I discount or discard because it is more inflated than my impression of how things are going or how I'm doing.

When I can forget these people, these factors I actually am generally pleased with progress. I feel happy, I feel good.

Next question.

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