Saturday, August 02, 2014

Body Language Part Twix

Somebody at work asked me if I ever get bullied. To which I responded truthfully "I'm usually the bully." It's not a point of pride, and something I'm working against.

To which this person then remarked "Come on, I want to see you get angry." and I kind of understand, and at the same time am perplexed. I have friends that I love to see angry, just not at me. It's like watching the beauty of destruction from the safety of a TV or internet hole.

Anyway, body language. This got me thinking about my own body language response, and it made me realise through "reading" my own body language that I'm actually quite an angry person.

I think my friend wanted to see me do what is commonly known as 'losing it' but in fact what I do when I get angry is narrow my eyes. That's about it, but now I'm conscious of doing it.

It helps because what I need to do a lot from now on is go 'I'm activated' but I noticed...

Okay a friend warned me that I shouldn't write about real people on the blog, even if I don't refer to them directly, so this is my bad and know that I'm a terrible person. But I manage a band whose music basically consists of songs about the lead singers ex-girlfriends so really I'm just being consistent in what I endorse.

Anyway I was in a conversation last night at a party, and I stepped out of it, mentally. I kind of could because I was doing the least of the talking. If I was guilty of reading too much into body language and fucking up my intuition, this convo was the reverse.

I noticed that they weren't picking up at all my eyes narrowing. Or that my feet were moving away from alignment and not towards. This apparantly appeared charming to them as they leaned in closer and closed up the space between us.

It was instructive to me, because I thought, clearly our intuitions can be wrong. A third party seemed to read the conversation right, but maybe, just maybe the fact that narrowing my eyes doesn't seem to impair my ability to be polite, respond to what was said and ask questions, may keep a dance going that really should just stop.

Being a member of civil society is hard.

All this self-knowledge will probably result in me living in the woods hunting antelope.

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