Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A Dream I Once Had Part 3

Anyway the title of this post is a dream I once had part trios! ix and twix were a long time ago in a tip of a hat to my old school readers (me).

Okay so the context was sketchy but it was one of those rare vivid dreams, and I don't believe dreams predict the future but they can tell us something about ourselves if we ponderise them a bit.

Here's basicaly what happened.

Somebody I don't remember gave me a tray that was full of chemicals and told me to take it down to the lab or something to 'inoculate the test subjects' which I understood to be some kind of vegetable matter beings or something.
And I was walking from this clandestine room where I recieved the chemicals and vague instructions and I was picking up vibes and mutters that what I was doing wasn't something unanimously approved of.
So anyway I'm hearing things like 'don't know what the inoculation will achieve' and 'hasn't been tested' and stuff.
Suddenly some old scientist lady is imploring me not to do it, that it isn't necessary whatever it is I'm heading off to do.
Then some young beautiful assistant is all like 'tohm don't do it!' and I know I'm in love with this person, but the thing is I don't actually know what it is I'm doing, this is a vague sketchy dream afterall.
So like I'm back in kindergarten I stand there and start panicing. In the meantime the beautiful lab girl is all like 'tohm in three days those things will open up their wings and be flying, they will have a life of their own!' from which I presume the expected side effects of the inoculation might be death or something.
Still I don't know what the fuck to do. Then I think of a way (not brilliant) out of the dilemma I think (don't say) 'I won't do it if I can keep you' to the girl. Luckily I have enough tact to instead cry out (I hope I didn't actually cry out) 'what is the right thing to do?'
And she says 'chuck it' or 'throw it away' or something. And I do that because I trust this person.
Then there's general rejoicing around me so I think I've done the right thing and I just sidle up to this girl and ask 'Can I keep you?' and she says 'yes' and I'm actually thinking how clever it was of me to change the extortionary demand 'I'll do it if I can keep you' to doing it and asking 'can I keep you?' anyway I take her hand and we run, and we are like running up stairs or something and I confess 'we'll have to stay at your place because I live in a shitheap' so some part of me was still conscious that I live in a garage. Anyway we never get to anyone's place I just wake up. as per usual.

So what insight did this give me? What greater truth was revealed to me via dreamvision? Well I think it provoked through it's strange wording of the fundamental question (not incidentally "What is the right thing to do?") provoked a NLP type questioning of my assumptions that lead to a greater understand of what LOVE is.

I remember Claire bitching to me about how the english language was inadequate for expressing all the different types of love. And a good example is that the statement 'Claire and I love eachother' is true, even though we'll never date again because it's also true to say that 'Claire and I don't love eachother' there's a lot I'd do for Claire but marriage, or even dating isn't one, or two of them. As I'm sure she would indeed agree they were two things she wouldn't do for me.

Kind of like I hear the inuit have 43 words for Ice or something but no words for 'hello' it's partially orwellian. And with this in mind what does that kind of 'love' actually mean. The love perhaps that I am if not actually looking actively for at least on the lookout for?

Back to that fundamental question 'Can I keep you?' I think this is not the meaning of love. Contextually when I think about it, my dreamself sensed that after defecting on my orders I was not welcome to stick around for two long and would presumably have to go somewhere. So I believe in that context the question was more 'will you come with me?' and not just in the basest sense of the word 'come'
because obviously love can't encapsulate such a one way question. It's both question and answer.

Love hopefully all realise is a two way street. It takes two to start a relationship, a special kind of relationship even though it only takes one to end it. So I think love is the question and answer sequence:

Q: 'Will you come with me?'
A: 'Yes'

This though still suggests a subjugated will in the picture. Real world context might look like:

Q: 'Will you come with me to London where I am planning to study Geography at one of them Universities even though your dream is to open a health clinic in the Northern Territory?'
A: 'Yes, I'll give up my dreams for you.'

That's not my definition of Love either, so really to truly two way street it it's the Q & A sequence.

Q: 'Will you come with me?'
A & Q: 'Yes. but will you come with me?'
A: 'Yes, I'll also come with you.'

Which is really starting to sound like porno worthy dialogue, and is quite cumbersome. But if we look at it in a clinical vector type way it means.

'You are welcome to travel towards my dreams with me.' from any individual offering.

And maths would explain this easier than words would, because take any vector and you can resolve it using trig into it's components. So if you are thinking X,Y axis and the first partners dreams lie ultimately in the direction of X, and the other partners dreams lie in the direction of Y then whatever the opposite of resolving vectors is means you'd come up with a new direction together.

A beautiful new vector in the direction that borrows components of each dream. Those that did specialist maths with me in year 12 might actually appreciate this, for the others sorry for losing you.

So maybe I can conclude it with these two thoughts,

1. We are all travelling somewhere in one dimension or other, even standing still you are travelling in the 4th Dimension at least and these directions need to be resolved in any relationship.

2. There can be nothing more precious and personal to us in life than our dreams which hopefully we all try to move towards. Even if, and perhaps because, we lack the knowledge on how we actually get there there is no gesture more loving than inviting someone to help you in this most personal search. And because we don't know how to reach our dreams, or whether we will even want them still by the end of our journey then perhaps it does less harm than we think to compromise it by sharing the search of someone else's dream. Most probably this process of indeed loving someone will take you somewhere compromised yes, but a place you never would have found on your own, and you may just like that place.

Surely that is what I mean when I say that kind of 'love' it's welcoming someone not just into your home, into your pants, into your hearts, but into your dreams.

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