Thursday, January 17, 2013

Play that Fun

You meet someone, that someone has something, you like it, it catches you by surprise, you wind up thinking about them, thinking about you and them, in the future, laughing, skipping, singing, frolicking, eating at KFC and all the other fun stuff that comes with relationships.

Studies have shown, the more elaborately you anticipate a future with somebody, the less likely you are to actually ask them out in the next 30 days.

That lower expectations and lower standards lead to more hookups is not controversial I feel, I'm not here to talk about that.

It's just that most people anticipate a relationship to be fun. anticipate.

One of two things happen. You observe a stable lasting relationship and it doesn't look like any fun. You are constantly amazed at how much a couple can stay at home. They don't relieve this impression either when you do see them out and they say things like 'it's so great to get out for once!' and shit like that.

The other thing is that you wind up never mentioning that the reason you anticipate a relationship is for the fun, because it would be fun, because it would be an improved level of existence to your current solitary existence - somehow you wind up talking about feelings, emotions, problems and shit.

Chris Rock reduced relationships to 'you fuck, you get something to eat, you fuck, you eat, you fuck, you go to a movie, you fuck, you order in, you fuck, you go meet the parents, you fuck... etc.' which is a nice summation of the regular sex that goes on in most youthful trists, but that shit is fun.

I remember whilst engaged in one such youthful trist reading the glossy magazines my then girlfriend brought home from her job at Spencer Street Station that sex for most adults is the only form of play they engage in.

A relationship, for most starting out, is a playful affair, that over time either breaks up (which is fine) or becomes characterised by dependence, responsibility, boredom etc. when people stop working hard at the play side of things. (this is less fine)

Yeah relationships are hard, it takes rare constellations to get shit going on long term and sustainably. But I am optimistic that if you learn from experience you can avoid both the pitfalls of relationships - bitter breakups, or soul-crushing security blankets. It's just few go for that shit, in the same way that very few people chase their dreams.

But there's a strange paradox that maybe I lost as regards relationships, if you take them seriously, they are not supposed to be taken seriously. They are supposed to be your outlet to play, to be happy, to have fun. To have sex, which is fun, then talk shit while eating, which is fun. Just a naturally drugged up version of hanging out with any other friend whose company you enjoy.

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