Saturday, May 31, 2008

Your Life

It seems my brain has clicked over to acknowledge that at long last I am coming 'home' though also in my mind I am becoming more conscious of the fact that I gave up what was really my home to the vultures Pete and Mia out of practical necessity.
Its pretty easy so far, I have no anxiety about it. Some days I wake up and could be done with this travelling thing already, and others well its okay. But I am not experiencing the whole 'I don't want to go back and face reality' thing, partly because I am so great anyway that facing reality always left reality with the big messy barely 18 facial. Not duke awesome. No siree.
That said its not like the 'world' sucks or that I'm having a bad time or I want to cry between bryce's lusciously hairy breasts. No I just acknowledge that I made a mistake travelling this long, I can't enjoy where I am as fully as I should because I have become saturated with the sheer hassle of travelling. What people may forget for example is that the US is bigger and to some extent more diverse than Europe. It took me 2 and a half months to see a decent amount of Europe - eg 'yay another fucking cathedral' that I have really dashed through the US and Mexico.
So I will be back to the western hemisphere some time. Maybe even visit Morley in Toronto.
How do I know Morley is in Toronto? Morley makes it realatively easy to follow his life, I haven't seen him in I don't know 3 years but can say I have a better Idea of what he's done in the intervening period by virtue of him maintaining an online life.
But morley is interesting one could argue, even then I have a fair idea Harvard and I will need little catch up time and he lives a relatively uninteresting life compared to someone who completes a joke degree called 'entrepreneurship' only to go and learn how to be a comedian in Canadia.
Contrast that with Damo, a friend I saw in Boston who despite having the time to play Koosh for several hours a day (reinforcing my hatred of postgrad studies) yet makes close to no effort to keep anyone up to date at all. Combine this with the fact that Damo is almost only articulate within the confines of a debate he actually face to face had trouble remembering to explain what he had been up to in the intervening time fortunately there are certain tangibles to aid damian one can go inspect such as his very real girlfriend and the pile of books on his desk which indicate some research does get done and even I will admit trying to do research while I am looking over your shoulder probably is not going to happen.
Anyway, why am I talking about this? well because my parents are annoying, they needed my sister to view the photos I uploaded to facebook even though they both have their own accounts, they also don't follow my blog at all, which I'm sure my friends mum Brenda would do leaving them no age gap excuse. Thus I painfully have to rehash conversations I have already had over email, whilst never stooping so low as to cut and paste from my blog.
But if there's anything I feel anxious about returning, it is that I will have to have the same conversation over and over again. Its not that I don't care, I do otherwise I'd just grunt and keep walking, but like a kid in primary school who broke their limb on the holidays I know of no effecient way I can avoid telling the story again and again.
Anyway I logged into facebook and noticed my old housemate claims to be in a relationship. Which was surprising, one thing I look forward to is people who since I last saw them have done something with the 8ish months I've been away. Looking around facebook though, I saw a whole bunch of profiles and realised just how many people I have no idea about. How lacklustre I have been in following your life, whats been going on and so fourth.
Partially I am to blame, I stopped sending out inquisitive emails in about Germany when my soul broke and I became a bike peddling animal pausing only long enough to eat a kebab and sleep in a bunk bed in whatever hostel was available.
But I also thought of Harvard, and Morley and even Mr John, and other friends who actually keep blogs, and I thought. fuck you fucking friends. Facebook doesn't cut it for maintaining an online life, most of you admit have nothing more on your profile than one uncaptioned photo album called 'random' and one album from a holiday you took a year and a half ago. The rest is a funwall comprising of youtube clips sent from friends of yours I don't know and involve an alarming amount of transvestite related media, and then a ninja vs pirates plug in or an old 'what I'm reading' section and then a bunch of wall posts that detail 'heh *name* whatsup haven't seen you in ages lol' and thats about it with random variations.
So I have plenty of interest in your life, I'm not an arsehole. But realise the chances of me going and seeking out that information off my own initiative any given day is close to 0.
You gotta make your life available, fucktard. Don't call me an arsehole for not knowing you got a haircut. Blog it, then we can talk. Until then, fuck you.

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