Thursday, March 07, 2013

The Agony & The Ecstasy

I never paid much attention to Michelangelo, I always identified more with Da Vinci, knowing that he was a lefty like me. But anyway I was talking over my recent problems with art to my psychologist and she pointed out the 'agony & the ecstasy' that Michelangelo mentioned or something.

And I mean you can't expect your psychologist to be an art-history expert, but it is the name of a best-selling biography of Michelangelo so I don't know if it is a quotation from apparantly the best documented personality of the Renaissance. Attempts to google search yeild me nothing instantly gratifying.

But on this two things:

1. It is unlikely that I will ever reach the dizzying heights of Michelangelo's artistic ability, he had after all carved his statue of David by my age, but even so, to read that an idol like Michelangelo suffered from self-doubt, isolation and misery through the process is relieving to anybody beneath them in ability/achievement.

2. Pursuing a career like art, it must be understood is addictive, and similarly has all the drawbacks of addiction. The higher the highs, the lower the lows. It is escalatory in nature too, what got you buzzed yesterday won't do it for you today, and tomorrow seems impossible in what it will take to get you back there.

I mean obviously there is shit I haven't achieved and don't have the depth of experience to imaginate, like if there's an achievement threshold that does create that stable and secure base of achievement where you have already passed the test and now are just going for the high score.

But I suspect not, my friend Bryce said 'you never feel successful' and he is far further along this creative road than me. Thus far my experience holds true to his hypothesis, every moment your fears are beaten out by your optimism is a triumph, and yet it's not enough, even a personal triumph can not dodge a critical eye, to pull back, pull apart, go again and go better.

I have hit that phase where I really have to dig deep and find the resolve to follow this path till it realises my dreams or smashes me against some kind of metaphoric or literal rocks.

No comments: