Tuesday, October 09, 2012


One thing that surprises people about me is when I tell them I hate surprises. Probably because I enjoy being confounded, caught off guard, outwitted, out played etc. but these are all processes that I am actively engaged in.

Whereas yesterday I had a cryptic day, and being cryptic (even unintentionally) annoys me. It started off with a contextless notification from facebook to my email that I had been mentioned. Here was the mention: 'tohm ******?' the stars are blanking out my last name, I don't mean to be hypocritically cryptic, I just don't like putting my last name up on a blog. When I went to facebook though, there was no such notification of such a mention, creating the exasperating illusion that this contextless message was made in a context worthy of deletion. I'm sure it's nothing, but this is the kind of cryptic bullshit that drives 'facebook anxiety' the most powerful argument for getting the fuck off facebook.

Then later in the day my phone goes off to notify me I have a message on voicemail, even though my phone didn't ring. I checked the message to find 'hey tohm, this is Misaki. You know what I'm going to call you again later?' I haven't spoken to Miki-swan since I left Shizuoka last year. Furthermore since breaking up the responsibility of who has to carry the load of keeping in touch has always been unambiguously on my shoulders since she is the kind of masochistic workaholic that puts my masochistic workaholia to shame. So her calling me must be for some reason.

Now watch my mind unravel. Has her father died from his lung cancer? Has her beloved Grandma died of Alzheimers? Has she gotten engaged to one of her suitors? Has she misremembered my birthday? Is she coming out to Australia? Has her business folded? Is she pregnant (not mine)?

There simply is no fucking information as to why the fuck she is calling me for the first time in a year. Her tone was perfectly neutral as well. Miki isn't deliberately trying to stress me out, she speaks her own brand of English and lives in her own brand of reality.

Now I have to carry my phone with me at all times and keep it by me when I sleep because I have no idea or indication of when she will call again (or even if the call will actually come through or go straight to voicemail) but just in case it's one of those unhappy scenarios...

I don't believe in appetisers, I see them as pointless, just serve the main already. I find it a pity Russian service has displaced French service worldwide. I am not tantalised or intrigued by mystery. A good story is one that is captivating without obfuscation in my book. I don't mind making decisions on limited information, or gambling, or risk taking. But I like to be able to participate, these half-sentences and contextless messages just get under my skin and drive me insane with speculation, knowing I can't actually know what they are about until somebody condescends to tell me.

Hate is such a strong word, obviously, Miki is really important to me, somebody I will naturally worry about when there is any doubt as to what is going on. And I should state, the contextless facebook notification and Miki calling me on the same day are totally unrelated. Most of the time I just find cryptic shit annoying and or boring, like the cryptic crossword puzzles.

I hate cryptic days though.

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