Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Miki shaped hole

One event which has as much upside as it does downside for travelling was that of the cessation of my relationship with Misaki, which happened months on months ago before I left for Japan and formally ended when I left Japan.
Before the hiccup in space that was my visit to Takematsu the break-up consisted of a gradual morning cumulative comprehension that we weren't dating anymore, but since we didn't live in the same countries this didn't really matter because the net change of lifestyle for both of us was less than 1%. Then in Japan it was like old times, she was working though and I had all the free time, but otherwise we caught up when we could, talked shit, ate together, had breakfast together and so fourth.
And then I left and 4 months passed before I realised I never really dealt with the loss of Misaki from my life at all.
I was in Venice. Until then the experience of travel had provided me with ample distraction and furthermore constituted a lifestyle where one simply doesn't fucking concieve of making a relationship part of it. Not when most mental energy is occupied by figuring out where you are, how much money you have, what you are going to eat, where you are going to sleep, what you will go and see and where you are going next.
But in Venice I saw something and thought 'Miki would love that' and then I thought 'No fuck that' and bought a gift instead for my next girlfriend. And I can tell you I ought to be getting laid that night. I just don't know who my next girlfriend will be or how far away that is.
The other problem though is that when enough time passes and there is no real painful memories, one becomes easily reconciled to the memeroy of an ex, but when the pain is there thats when to concentrate on getting over her/him/it.
And I just missed out on that completely.
Compounding that, I have to say that Misaki makes an impression like burning magnezium does on your retina. She is just fucking bright and out there. Oft have I lamented that she isn't higher profile because I can remember (like early episodes of the simpsons) everything she ever said and imitate her verbatum to a degree that would at least land me a role on SNL's cast.
My point is that she seems to be hardwired into my memory like no other girlfriend ever was, my ex's have all possessed a degree of character about them from scary through to psychotic, and I have definitely been more involved in the past, but think of Misaki I find myself laughing in elevators or bookstores at her unique take on the english language, expressiveness and irrepressibiliyt. That it is actually a high bar for prospective future partners to leap over and catch my eye. We are talking a fuckload of character.
Anyway just thought I would share that...

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