300th The Honey Trap explained

I feel better. Nothing like pulling down some boards and a few steals and blocks to clear everything up. And since this be my 300th post in the spirit of true disclosure as was my original intention let me get into my specific problem which is not that my shoes are still soaked from thursday.
And this Mr. Rogers, Wilson my hat wearing mysterious neighbour, is a douzy for a blog because this problem in all probability is entirely in my head.

I'm feeling guilty because of an attractive coworker that I am attracted too. Now in my head I understand a few things - namely the following in the following order:

1. I have a girlfriend I very much love called Miki that I'll be staying with in Japan in a couple of months time. She is a similak honey, mayomustardaiyonaise hot and incomparable (in theory/sentiment) to even a milk honey, and on Black Sheep's standard I really only deserve Strobelite honey's. So from the outset don't even think that being attracted to someone is in any way a wise option.

2. There is a massive chasm between love and attraction. Love has a basis in a relationship, it is a sharing of concerns. Attraction is the desire to get a load off.

3. I have an undercut, my teeth are yellow and black and I smell bad. Thus I'm not exactly Hasselhoff right now, I don't have anything to worry about.

4. I'm not a cheater, my cross country instincts kick in even when intoxicated, and I run (waiting for the green pedestrian crossing man to tell me it is safe to cross the road of course).

So all up I should have nothing to worry about, it's just in my head it doesn't sit so pretty being attracted to someone, and let me make it clear, we aint talking emotional affair here either, there's no shared jokes or even reciprococity. I just have trouble sitting next to someone hot.
But I figure I've sign posted pretty well using masculine defensive instincts. I have declared I have a girlfriend, she has been my fucking computer background for the past 3 months.
But see maybe and this is where I start to make this problem in my head bigger - maybe I talk about her too much, communicating insecurity, thus subconsciously communicating that I am attracted to someone else.
And more than that let's talk brutal reality, undercut and everything aside I am ironically super confident at the moment because I am dating a similak child, and I know confidence is attractive, so maybe my confidence and insecurity is making me unwittingly attractive.
And I usually smell of sweat combined with damp laundry smell due to my laziness on the laundry cycle and dedication to the bicycle.
SO what if I'm sending all these pheromones out there, and here's the killer: if there's one thing I learnt from my ex it is this you can't compete long distance with pheromones example, you could luck out and manage to write a sonnett on par with an unfinished Jeff Buckley single and send it across the ocean to your partner and then they walk into the office the next day and some dude says 'you like banana's' and he is getting all pheromone on her and he wins, hands down motherfucker.
Pheromones are deadly to the unwitting, they completely skew all rational perspective.
If you are weighing up the pros and cons a list may look like this:

pros:
get to hook up with someone new.

cons:
hurt someone I love
lose the respect of my peers
enter any new relationship as damaged goods
lose my integrity
reviled at work
hated by my own family
lose half my estate
break my mother's heart
never get my CD's returned
never get to talk to my partner again
lose our mutual friends
establish poor precedent with new partner
invite poetic justice
expose myself to STD's
vulnerable to retaliation
and so forth...

If you are wondering why any rational animal still manages to make the wrong choice all the time, pheremones is the answer. pro's actually reads:

pros:
get to hook up with new person.
hormonal paydirt.

and that paydirt is pretty fucking compelling on a subconscious level. Also known as thinking with your penis. Except girls are also quite capable of this and probably less suspicious of what's going on due to negative stereotyping.
So I end up resenting Misaki because she's not putting any fucking pheromones in an envelope or emailing me daily with them, and I get suspicious that despite trying to indirectly declare my loyalties this Milk minx can be all pheromoning me all the time, making me uncomfortable.
So let's add another notch as to why I am so uncomfortable with myself - I am paranoid that it's all just me, just in my head. That said exponent isn't attracted to me, isn't deliberately pheromoning me, so I can't say anything like 'Hey! stop that. No, hey! I said that's enough.' because it's all on a subconscious level.
So I can't really lay down the law, can't say 'My name is tohm and I am misaki's vagina and nobody else's, ya hear.' and I feel guilty because I'm attracted to someone else.
Yet oddly, I understand that attraction is natural, I have no problem using softcore pornographic material for use as a masturbatory aid. I don't feel guilty at all. In fact I've drawn filthier stuff than you can find on the internet in Brenton and I's filth-off glory days so I freely admit I'm sick in that regard. soft core, hard core porn I'm all cool with that.
So why feel guilty that I be attracted to a coworker? because I haven't been offered anything I can't say no? but if I did something to obviously cool down the kitchen such as fire staples at her for an hour or two, I can't think of a more adolescent way to declare you are attracted to someone.
And if in case you hadn't figured that writing about this on my blog is my sure fire way to make sure I don't do anything stupid let me clarify that I am firmly dedicated to camp no means no - because of this simple explanation:

miki, me & x (anonymous incase they google themselves):

If I jump ship -

miki loses me.

I lose miki.

x gains me (but on balance of probabilities we will lose eachother due to the unclean start)

and that is what we call a lose-lose strategy. so just don't cheat, ever, it is lose-lose that's the simplest way I can explain it. Just never, no circumstances ever (apart from a bigomous marriage entered into willingly by mormons).
Free love, its all bullshit it just doesn't work that way.
What I am doing is being honest and saying I'm attracted to someone else, and this probably wouldn't be a problem if I could earn an income and choose who I spent the majority of my hours in close physical proximity to.
I could cleanly break off with miki, give myself time to heal and then attempt to make moves, except that Misaki is such a blindingly obvious keeper, on account of her ability to make me feel good, support me emotionally, laugh, sing, smile, instantly win over all my friends, move gracefully, compliment people she has only just met, show an interest in everything, express herself emotionally, sacrifice herself willingly, and all manner of things I could express ad naseum.
All this other one can do is pheremone me and shit. For fucks sake first impression was saying I look like some Australian Idol contestant.
Which isn't to say I don't like her. She's perfectly nice, if I was single I wouldn't have this problem that I dub 'The Honey Trap'.
Because it gets worse, see since I told work I was leaving they have been acting suspicious - one week after resigning I recieved a promotion. Now they employ some honey pot to sit next to me (in reality this wasn't intentional, they needed someone and she probably blitzed the interview process by Terry's recommendation).
But my dark twisted mind really is just craving flattery, attractive people trying to crack onto me, work trying to trap me into staying all that shit. It leads me to logically conclude my problem is entirely in my head.
Plus I know the natural order of things, I'm not meant to have dilemma's like this, I'm lucky to have a Sexual Chocolate Honey, let alone a Similak Honey, that means Voltron Force is pleased with me from the heavens. I should be the guy that struggles to pick up because I say I'm buying women's underwear for my girlfriend then wear it the next day. Nobody's attracted to me, ain't nobody gonna push the stop button on the elavator (thank god there's no elevator at work).
I lean towards thinking - all I really crave is to reject somebody, to take the moral highground, to get on my high horse and lecture people about how foolish they are to think they can tempt me with immoral behaviour.
It's probably why I feel good now after basketball - being able to swat some shots out of people's hands that didn't think I could play. Defense motherfuckers, its called defense.
Anyway I'm glad I shared this with you. And maybe you even learnt something too, eat the pudding Mr. Cosby.

p.s. Incidently if I do manage to do something stupid after having posted this I give you permission to just, go ahead and hock a big flemmy lougie into my mouth when I'm talking to you, I won't fight back so really go for it.

p.p.s. I listened to 'Millions of Peaches' on repeat the other night, it really is an awesome song, fond memories when you just repeat it and repeat it on loop as hopefully morley and mr.john will attest.