What the fuck is a Humorist?

Seriously why would you ever call yourself that? Your the kid who loved drama and always tried to get involved in theatre sports teams, where described as 'zany' 'kooky' 'silly' but never actually funny. I pick up street mags, sunday mags and occasionally read those melbourne times and Mx features written by a 'Humorist' not a comedian someone who writes from a half arsed silly perspective that never actually makes me laugh.
Only the most sheltered cotton wool insulated individual could laugh and snort at these articles. Where did society discover a space for this demographic the 'Billy Connelly I don't like him one bit he uses foul language.' or 'Eddie Murphy delirious is just not my thing, give me the Cosby show and I can enjoy negro humour yes sir.' that's all I can imagine.
Is this what happens to you when you grow old and have kids. I don't want to live in this parralal society, this family friendly zone were gone are comedians in are humorists. Life is no longer a joke just depressingly humorous. And watching shows like deadwood and rome in the living room, are they gone when I have children because of their gratuitous use of the word 'cocksucker' because I know fouler language, and I was spraying this foul language around at age 6 when I hurt my wrist playing backyard cricket with my dad. My kids won't get a backhand for swearing just disrespecting, I hope to send them to a school where they meet a diverse enough range of kids that they might have a friend called Shayne (yes phoenetically spelt) who has a rats tail has tried smoking by twelve and in the schoolyard opens his sentences with 'fucking c#n$s blah blah' whether it be about the injustice of society or the weather he is talking about. If my kids going to try to be funny I'd like him to actually be funny, someone that people might come and see because their funny but because their topical might hear an opinion that wasn't already theire's like fans of Chris Rock and his 'black people vs. niggers' race war.
I don't want my kid to regurgitate mainstay opinions in an age sunday magazine that are slightly humorous and entirely unprovocative.
If my kid is a loser humorist I will just creep into their room and gently push a big soft pillow down on their face*.

*I'm kidding I'd just divorce them, change my name and get a restraining order taken out on them, and write as often as possible to media watch reporting their humorous comments as defametory accusations in legitimate journalism.