Thursday, October 02, 2014

Strange New Ways of Being

I'm having regular epiphanies. One's that I have become aware don't sound that impressive.

Like I told my friend Bryce that roughly three weeks ago I was walking around the corner to buy a pizza, and I realized that for the first time in time memorial, I was just walking to the store to buy a pizza because I wanted to buy a pizza and eat it. Like, I was just present in this incredibly relaxed moment, and doing something pretty good with it. What I was noticing was an absence, an absence of anxieties and plans and rationalizations for what I was going to do tomorrow. Tomorrow was under control.

Bryce did a pretty entertaining impression of my revalation back to me.

Then at work on Tuesday, I was talking over the barrier to my friend Jon, about our various breakthroughs, and he was talking about a more dramatic and spectacular epiphany he had where all the mountains on his horizen that he'd been fixated on had crumbled away and he felt free. I told him that the night before (Monday) I'd been riding home and realized people trusted me. People put their trust in me. I was trustworthy.

Jon said I was having a joke. But I was dead serious. It was a huge revelation to me.

Last night I realized that I'm sustaining a way of feeling that is new, genuinely new, to me. For lack of a more descriptive word, I'm feeling beautiful. A state of appreciating beauty, seeing it in all things.

pretty impressive ain't it?

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