Friday, August 15, 2008

Whatever you do don't fucking wave at me

Riding into Melbourne at night is a rare pleasure. Particularly from where I'm coming from. It was 5 but the city had already started to light up last night as I coasted down Studley park road.
I then embarked on a stretch of more or less flat lands along Johnson st. Cruising along through one intersection, two intersections and then low and behold the third intersection has a green light.
There are no cars around. Ahead of me, one solitary sensible car trying to turn right (theirs) across my path.
I am visible, and I think I make eye contact with them as I coast into the intersection.
Then I clench my fists around my brakes and come to a sliding holt as my wheels lock up leaving me a meter shy of where the car has briefly paused.
They briefly paused because had I not braked so hard that was the spot where their car would have been parked on my mangled carcass.
I glare through my angry looking glasses at the driver, a young female in her late 20's or early 30's.
You know maybe she had seen me, maybe she hadn't. My bike is black after all and I hadn't put my lights on next. But it was afterall me that had saved my life, what she did next though was what I hope to promote through some kind of awareness week as the worst response a driver can possibly give to a cyclist they almost kill.
She smiled and waved at me, then drove on.

What the fuck is that?

This is not the first time it has happened. It is quite a regular response from people who try and fail to kill me, or even just slight my rite of way.
What are you trying to say? What are all these people trying to say?

Is it just some ploy to fool the bystanders into thinking we are friends, and that this 'almost killing me' is some kind of inside joke we have.

Is it their way of saying 'oh hello! I see you now'

Is it their way of telling me 'don't worry it's nothing' as they casually dismiss their attempt at superflous'h'acide.

Is it their way of saying 'Thanks for saving yourself and sparing me a lifetime plagued with your death on my conscious.'

It seems overly friendly.

This is how it comes across to me 'I don't want to admit I'm stupid' or 'I really did nothing wrong here, though your upset somewhat flustered and adrenalin shot expression suggests otherwise' and just a general lack of accountability.
This impression of mine, wrong or not is usually reinforced by the driver hastily speeding away without looking in their rear view mirror.
The last near collision I had with a car was coming down Kew junction, I was weaving my way towards the lights and my sleeve caught a yellow Honda's rear view mirror. It snapped it forward. Luckily the things are designed with this give. It wasn't like I was Batman on his increadibly mobile mp3 player knocking off mirrors like they were crime itself.
I looked back and made my most apologetic gestures, then tried to back my cycle up, uphill to fix it for him. The driver was asian, so luckily having been to Japan I know excuse me is usually accompanied by bowing and lifting ones open palm parrallal to the nose.
Something like this from a driver I would accept, but if you really want to get in the clear with a cyclist here is what you should do.

1. Stop your car and make eye contact with the cyclist.
2. Raise your arms up in a shrug with palms outward in the universal 'I dunno sign'
3. Adopt the facial expression that grovellingly says 'I'm so sorry'
4. From the safety of your chasis, you can say out loud, or mime if you are too cowardly these words 'I'm so sorry, I am such a fucking douchebag, I thought I was so important, and in such a rush that I needlessly tried to save a few seconds and almost killed you'
5. For extra points you can bash your head against the steering wheel, OR recite the road rule you know made it stupid.

In my case the lady could have indicated that she knew that A) I had right of way as oncoming traffic continuing in my path where she was turning across it. B) that there was no rush for her to turn as any car that enters an intersection is legally entitled to complete its crossing, and may I point out at its own leisure.

I ignore the most important point though, why should anyone care about cyclists? Why would anyone be interested in actually meaningfully apologizing to them? Surely the priority is to speed off and spare your own embarassment, maybe get far enough away to actually get angry at them, maybe she thought 'That idiot, can't he see I was complementing him? I turned thinking he would take way longer to get into the intersection, the fact that I almost killed him was testimony to his own incredible speed'

For this I don't have an answer. Because really, cyclists and drivers are the same people, somebody who is a stupid, irresponsible or just plain bad driver is probably going to be a stupid, irresponsible or just plain bad cyclist.
Even as people take to bicycles especially now fixed gears have made them fashionable, this means the war will shift from sensible drivers caught out by stupid cyclists and sensible cyclists caught out by stupid drivers, to sensible cyclists caught out by stupid pedestrians and sensible pedestrians caught out by stupid cyclists.
In other words, the war isn't about choice of transportation, but betwixt smart people and dumb people. It just happens that in the inner city, a bicycle is a really smart choice of transportation and a car a really dumb one, so that tends to misrepresent the sides as it were.
But really if you catch yourself being stupid behind a wheel, watch out because soon you'll have to get out of that car and be a pedestrian, and then momentum is on the cyclists side.
Also because a cyclist is actually faster and more mobile than cars in many sections of Melbourne, namely Sydney Rd, Victoria St, the entire CBD and well fuck enough of this emotive rant.

George Orwell said:

The whole idea of revenge and punishment is a childish day-dream. Properly speaking, there is no such thing as revenge. Revenge is an act which you want to commit when you are powerless and because you are powerless: as soon as the sense of impotence is removed, the desire evaporates also.


And these are very wise words for cyclists to remember also.
After the incident I actually thought that my shmancy new kevlar tires had just paid for themselves seeing that just two days earlier I had my worn slicks on that would have twice the braking distance, then contemplated my insurance status wondering if this was actually true.
Also I'm actually going to label this post 'crash' for the first time just so I can start keeping track of how often stupid people almost kill me.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Comics: I'm so fucken sick of comics

Which is probably why my blog will never be about anything. But I did enjoy my first theme week. I have in mind a topic for next week, that Harvard judging by his last post may enjoy.

But having just read fat-cyclists week worth of race reports on the Leadville 100 I thought I might talk about my race day with Shonesy up in Sydney on the weekend in similar style...

Sydney the prematch experience

Because of the City2Surf I end up in Sydney far more often than I'd like. But I noticed curiously enough that Sydney or at least the parts of it I see is much more iconic than Melbourne. As in Milk Bars still seem to exist, whereas Melbourne is all 7-Eleven now. Since I've become poor I appreciate 7-Eleven a whole lot less. Or maybe its just inflation, but when I was overseas, in every other country but Japan I missed 7-Eleven the most, even in the US. Japanese combini's deserve to rule the world. Put a Lawson's on every street corner and at least 3 times down each street I say!
Anyway, perhaps it was the luxury of having Suzanne the Van come and pick me up in the airport, having a cosy home with fluffy carpet to crash in, but Sydney didn't piss me off much this time, because I was looked after.
That said, on Friday night Shona was working so Greg and I stayed in and watched the opening ceremony, where we enjoyed not seeing www.getup.org.au's adds they had paid and booked with Channel 7, and Channel 7 the spineless coward mirror to the Australian publics spineless cowardly visage decided to just not run the ads and then lie like some chinese official about them.
But this I was blissfully unaware of. Still Shona and I have opposite lifestyles, she likes doing stuff, and I enjoy doing nothing. So sitting and watching TV suited me fine.
We then spent the Saturday in the car playing music, including Salt 'n' Pepa's "Shoop" and I can't remember what else until we were surrounded by the calm serenity of a national park who's name like most places I've been escapes me now.
And we wandered among the mangroves and some rocks, and once again I marvelled at the beauty of outdoors, quietly contemplating how wonderful and necessary National Parks are whilst vocalising only a desire to eat.
This amazingly took up most of the match day. I managed to quietly object to the notion of going out drinking and dancing before the race, which Shona saw the sense in, again that desire to do stuff, and not only do stuff but stuff with other people at odds with my desire to meditate on my race day strategy.

My race day strategy:


Was to stick with Shona, to ensure she didn't beat me to the Finish Line, she had afterall been training where I had only been steadily gaining weight over the last several months. I was trying to come up with good seeded excuses, like Cadel Evans going to the Olympics (and let me just say, for all the dedication, training and heartache Cadel goes through preparing for the tour de france, he doesn't deserve to win it until he cleans up his media presentability to be more of a hero like Lance Armstrong and less of a winging bitch kid).
Here again though Shona had me beat, she aparantly had some dodgy hip that had been playing up recently. I on the other hand had proved my fitness to myself on the preceding wednesday and then foolishly told people about it, creating the expectation that I would finish the race.
There was one area I had Shona trumped in, and this after she advised me 'I don't take advice on how to dress from you' which I seem to recall her telling me the year before.
But I had my giraffe stockings, and my loud-by-running-shoe-standards racing flats with the tartan print, combine this with my stupid haircut and Kareem Goggles and I would surely garner more attention than her throughout the race.
In the end my pre-match strategy came down to ditching the Kareem Goggles convinced they would fog up after 1km and piss me off for the rest of the race.

The day arrives

I woke up to my alarm, I had been enjoying sleeping even though I have pretty boring dreams, and not bland dreams quickly forgotten, but dreams about teaching elementary calculus, or commenting on the economy. That kind of boring.
Case in point last night I had a dream about a girl I had a crush on in highschool, she and I got trapped in an elevator and I spent the dream trying to have a conversation with the technician on the other end of the emergency intercom.
That has to win a trophy in boringness.
But I got up and had a breakfast of toast with Jam. I remembered hearing something about Jam samwiches being good for energy or something, then I remembered this was for diabetics.
Shona then went and injured herself again (I swear your honor) the details of which I won't go into, nevertheless it revealed my ineptitude in an emergency. Fortunately for her sake, though painful it wasn't an emergency. Could I have helped more than I did? Almost certainly. Have I learned anything from the incident? Ashamedly no.
This delayed us, so we bundled into the van.
Hitting the streets of Sydney before 9am revealed only one kind of person on the streets of Sydney, runners in the City 2 Surf. We had some Beyonce pump up music that was rudely interrupted by our arriving at the destination.
Then we discovered someone had written 'Prick' on the side of Greg's van. I like to think they were talking about me though.
Now onto the most important and memorable part of the race...

Standing around at the starting line

Not since pushing Miki single file through the New Years eve ost fireworks bridge to Flinders St Station have I had to tackle a crowd so big. Runners where spilling over into the park, waiting to literally jump into the race.
Shona and I took the stairs, and then again single file I cut like a knife through butter until we found some breathing space.
Then we stood around for 30 minutes+ chatting with the lady infront of us that was clearly planning to walk.
70,000 people occupying only 3 narrow streets is something to behold. And when the first group starts one can observe a torrent of people charge down a street. And like the dumb wilderbeasts human beings are I was left with a burning desire to also charge forth to wherever it fucking was they were going.
I had a blue bib number by the way, which meant I should have started in the second group, but in order to run with shona I started in the third group the green group. Maybe it was the other way around, anyway the original plan had been for Shona to start in my group but we were foiled by the introduction of technology.
I just point this out because I'm sure during the race a bunch of people noticed my different coloured bib number and drew the conclusion that they were doing really well. They weren't what they were witnessing was me beating them.
Anyway about 20 minutes after the race had officially started our group got to go.
200m back into the pack though, one embarrassingly gets overexcited and starts running when the gun goes. But because the person infront of you isn't moving very fast you compensate by putting all that running energy upwards. Then shortly after the starting gun fires you start walking again. So if asked 'did I run the whole way' technically speaking, no. Because I looked and felt stupid running at the start.
But 200m later we were off.

Passing People giving up fills me with pride

Well technically not everyone is giving up. There is a hilarious 'Back of the Pack' category where people put on crazy costumes, come with prams full of babies, or sport grey hair and bumbags, that is designated the last starting time by virtue of their tendancy to move slowly, like bad cholestorol in an artery.
Shona though was dismayed at the number of people walking from the get go that were in front of us. I naturally have contempt for anyone more organised than myself, and these people being infront of me meant they had managed to turn up earlier and wait around longer for the start of the race.
But I do question these people who are both organized enough to turn up early, yet not organized enough to either train to run the event or register for the group that is intended to walk the event.
Anyway the first 6 km of the event is all about dodging people. Not all of them walkers but there's a bunch of different paces people run at, and some people do stupid things like walk uphill and only run the flats and downhills. This is stupid because it actually hurts your knees more to run downhill than uphill.
Anyway trying to stick with Shona made this doubly interesting as we cut and weaved through the herd yet tried to stay together.
Many times I looked round in a panic. Sometimes I thought shona was running in her boring black outfit next to me, only to turn around and find it someone else entirely. But we stuck together just as good waffles do.

No-one is safe from perversion

Speaking strictly for myself, one great thing about a race with 70,000 participants are all the hot people running in it. So along with forgetting how far you've run because you've been trying to avid people and trying to find a place to actually run at your own pace, both constantly passing and constantly being passed as the race sorts itself out, the short term goal of trying to run up behind someone hot is a constant motivating factor.
I imagine this works better for girls than guys, or at least it would for me and my preference for short girls. Because just as a person is in reach for me, I find myself and my damned competitive nature having to pass them, and you just can't perve on someone while running backwards, its too obvious.
I cannot vouch for Shona having a dirty mind or a pure teflon surface, who knows how she is normally, but she did definitly pinch a guy's arse who was wearing shorts that said 'hot stuff' on them. That did happen.
She also pointed to me after the fact and the guy said 'I like it' or something.
She then also definitely said 'I want more arses to grab' or something to the exact same effect. But it seemed unfortunately that we had passed the hot stuff crowd for good.
Me I grabbed with my eyes not with my hands. Highlights include green shorts girl, white shirt and ipod girl, old shuffling guy, long braid girl and blonde in blue singlet girl.

Green shorts are rad, but competition is radder

At Heartbreak hill, I ran off on Shona after she threatened to punch me if I yelled at her. Not being able to fulfill my duty as personal trainer I endeavored to run far enough away as to cry.
Whilst my eyes may have seemed busy looking for talent. I had never forgotten that 'fun runs' are all about dominating the unwitting. I had also constantly been sizing up my competition. And whilst I wanted to run ahead and find green shorts girl, I also had noticed that we had been passed by and re-passed and re-passed by green shorts boy.
He was but a mere 30 meters infront of me on heartbreak hill. I caught that up but then lost him again when I stopped for a drink. I caught him again and then set about leaving him behind. Much to my content I passed the 5th member of City2Singapore, some singaporean team that had just like singaporeans gone out and bought matching consumerist shirts. They also started the race at the same time as Shonesy and I, and now I had clearly beaten them all, just like their parents beat them for losing tennis tournaments or piano competitions.
This left me in a quandrary though, luckily blue asian guy with maroon socks came to my rescue. We had virtually identical paces. I just pursued him for the next 4km or so, until...

I hit the wall

I don't know what the wall is like for other runners, but for me it is always related to the difference between my conceptual map and the actual terrain. Thus on a new course I never hit the wall. Anything I have run before though has a wall.
It is in brief, the part of the course that I plumb forgot about. On lake wendoree it was the bit around Grammer boat shed, a good 30 degrees of the circle or 800m of a 6km course. I just forget every time that I have to run it, usually because it is the boring part where my mind spaces out. But if you don't anticipate it, suddenly when you are on it your race just gets a whole lot longer.
In my minds eye you see I recall vaguely you get to the top of heartbreak hill, then begin your descent onto Bondi, but instead you actually run through 3 or 4 km more of bendy streets with no view of anything.
It was just at this point that I thought 'Okay priority is no longer beating blue asian with maroon socks, but just finishing' so I backed off on the pursuit and he got ahead of me.
The next corner I sighted the sea and new it was figuratively all downhill from there, so again I tried to track down blue asian. Alas I had lost him in the crowd.

The deceptively long finish line

You actually run past the finish line, when heading along the Bondi boulevard. And so the finish line is at least 1km long. This is painful. Particularly as visibility from the ground is painfully poor.
Thus when constantly trying to guess where I should break into a sprint for, a burst of energy would propel my head above the masses and I'd see that when I thought I only had 200m left there was at least 800m to go. And this happened 3 or 4 times.
It happened even after I turned the final corner, because I tucked in my chin turned out into the faster outer lane and started sprinting. When I thought 'I can't sprint much longer' and looked up I still had 200m to go. So I just undramatically 'ran' across the finish line.

Worried for Shona

After about 20 minutes I managed to work my way past the pavillions to where I could see the finish line. I stood there for another 20 minutes, and was furious to observe green shorts girl run past the finish line 30 minutes after me. This meant I had passed her again without noticing.
When Shona was a no show, I got worried. I headed for meeting point 'N' which I had chosen for 'Never give up' and stood there for what seemed like another 30 minutes.
I began to picture what may have happened, Shona never making it up heartbreak hill because I hadn't been there to yell at her.
Her collapsing, face planting onto the bitumen like she did in Ballarat that time (not my fault I swear). The ambulance crew asking her if she needed to call her friend. And then explaining that I hadn't packed my mobile phone.
When they ask if they can send someone to inform me, she would have to tell them through her bitter tears of self defeat 'We agreed to meet at 'N', (sob) for...Never give up (burst into tears)' then I spied Greg, and then Shona walking up casually towards me.
Turned out she ran the last part of the race easier than I did (mentally) and finished shortly after me.

Greg's GPS

Greg is really proud of his GPS, and he used it to find his car after the race.

Going home

Then I went home, and had to pay $14.40 for a train ride of only like 5 stops to get to the airport, and was reminded of why I hate Sydney.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Comics: Best of

A List post:

#1 Slam Dunk

For the record I am not a fan of Slam Dunk because I am a fan of basketball. I am a fan of basketball because of Slam Dunk. This was voted the best manga of all time by some people in Japan. As unbelievable as it is that any Japanese high school team produces dunkers in the general proliferation that Slam Dunk portrays, it is deeply deep portrayal of a basketball team. You can't flaw it on any grounds, the artwork is exceptional, the characters likeable, it is humourous and heartfelt. You could compare it to 'Life is Beautiful' in its ability to do so much, without relying on the Haulocuast. It is a masterpiece.

#2 Watchmen

Alan Moore's finest, a humane treatment of the superhero. Following an 'avengers' like squad known as the watchmen who are vigilanties years beyond their prime as the second generation. They all undergo personal crisis of one kind or another, whether they have sold out, gone soft, married for money, lost their humanity, can't let go or been thrown out of a window.
It treats costumed heroes as frail human beings, in all their dignity and western comics hasn't produced anything like it. It has other experimental chapters that defy my comprehension like 'Fearful Symmitry' a chapter where the frames are all symmetrical, the first frame is the same as the last frame, the middle a mirror image of the frame next to it. I can't figure out how tool did this with '40, 6 and 2' and I don't know what kind of mind is required to devise a chapter like that.

#3 Vagabond

I read vagabond before slam dunk, because vagabond is current. But I picked up Slam Dunk because of Vagabond, which introduced me to Miyamoto Musashi. Drawn in the sumi-e style of traditional ink painting, interspersed with water colours this series is one of the best drawn and best written pieces ever.
Never has philosophy been so beautiful to behold, and it reminds you how cool Japan was before the Meiji restoration. Not that I saw it. But I think its easy to say that this series has already produced more worthwhile pages than Batman has in all 90 years or so of its publication.

#4 Batman: No Man's Land

The best editorial spectacular ever. It was just a neat premis if unplausable. Basically Gotham City becomes a feudal state, defined by the archcriminals territories. And Batman over a year has to reconquer it. Put in power supplies and take down the villains one by one.
It contains some of the best work of the penguin, two-face, Bane, Lex Luthor, Poison Ivy, Ventriloquist & Scarface and so on. And unusually it is the work of a bunch of different artists and a bunch of different writers. It's the pinnacle in my view of what the western style of comic could ever possibly achieve.

#5 Art Spiegals Maus

Pretty much a holocaust story, but told through a quite literal metaphore where jews are mice and Nazi's are cats, it is an incredibly personal piece of work told through the graphic novel medium.

#6 Osamu Tezuka efforts

I went to an exhibition at NGV of Tezuka's works and was blown away by the volume. I haven't read them but someday I hope to. The guy had as many ideas as Stan lee but was far more sophisticated and imaginative. To this day i still refuse to believe it was possible for him to do so much. He probably should be further up the list, but alas I haven't actually read his works. I have observed them from a safe distance, it is probably safe to say that he will long be remembered as the greatest name in comics for many years to come.

#7 Kevin Smith efforts

Kevin Smith did Guardian Devil using his favorite villain Mysterio (whom he loves because he is so bad) in new and creative ways. He then got the job of reviving Green Arrow, and his works Quiver and the renewal series self titled 'Green Arrow' that's as much as I've seen, but Kevin Smith you can tell has both a genuine love of the convoluted comic world as well as an active imagination that leads him to experiment. He can do plots like most comic writers can't. Jeph Loeb seemed to be on par until his recent shitefest 'Red Hulk' and every day my doubts as to his true ability seem to grow.

#8 I'm bored of this...

But I'll finish with this, Manga is where it is at right now, because of quality control. There are problems with the lack of imagination in Manga in general, howevr this doesn't stop it from being more adventurous with its subject matter, consider manga has comics like Initial D - focussed on drifting, and Yakitaki - about the pursuit of a Japanese national bread.
It is also littered with otaku friendly crap like Yugi-Oh and Pokemon, designed specifically to promote convoluted collector merchandise and rules to feed hungry nerd brains.
But it is obviously free enough to let out the breakout works like Vagabond. In the West an Alan Moore run on batman like 'The Killing Joke' or even Frank Miller's arguably best work ever 'Batman: Year One' are unsustainable, and for all the progress towards elevating the arc through commissioning the .02% of writers that are good including Kevin Smith, Frank Miller (arguably), Alan Moore (who's never coming back to DC) and Jeph Loeb (who is suffering from 'enough rope') they are followed by hacks in most cases that immediately undo all the gains they make and take it back to somewhere worse. There is almost an economic 'Comic Bubble' effect.
Even then, it isn't just a matter of quality.
The Killing Joke was great because it revealed something about the joker, and permenantly changed the role of Barbara Gordon as batgirl. You just can't do that every week. It's untenable. That's why i think ultimately comics will move towards the manga model of closed narratives that have a beggining middle and end.
So generally that's what I'd point you towards if you were looking at reading some comics, the best works are closed. As in you know when they begin and when they end. Furthermore they are about something. Really they are books with a changed dynamic relationship between the visual and the narrative.

Comics: Movie Adaptations

As generally the best source of stories that provide an excuse to use the latest special effects techniques and deliver to an existing fan base its probably safe to say that Comic Adaptation movies are here to stay.
Am I a fan? On the whole, no.
Since the year when both the unfortunately named 'Batman Forever' and the movie of Judge Dredd I have learned to be generally wary of and not get excited about comic adaptation movies. I get kind of excited, some I want to see, but do I expect them to be great movies? no.

For me this stems from the question so fundamental to my general approach to everything: why? What do movies add to a comic.
Perhaps its better demonstrated with literature, and particularly with something that probably everyone has read - Harry Potter.
I don't think I've ever heard anybody say that a Harry Potter movie was better than the books. Maybe, just maybe, a blind person may say it, because a movie has audio, but I'm pretty sure Harry Potter would have been translated into brail, and audio books by now.
Furthermore, if directors or actors do a particularly good job of portraying a character, people don't talk about them as geniuses, or particularly creative. Credit goes where it is due, to JK Rowling.
Similarly, one could examine the same phenomena of adaptations of novels such as 'Captain Correlli's Mandolin' (I haven't seen it), 'Memoirs of a Geisha' (also haven't seen it), and Dan Brown's sensation 'The Da Vinci Code' (The closest I've come to either seeing it or reading it is the opening segment of Epic Movie).
With literary adaptations the movie's function is clear, to extract more money from an existing fanbase.
Noble comics though have at least 3 purposes when it comes to the movie adaptations:

1. To make money.
2. To introduce the comic to new fans through a new medium.
3. To do something new.

And I would put a priority on these in exactly the same order.
Now let me briefly explore the ramifications of these, and hopefully highlight some parralals with the above literary examples.

Money Makin' money money makin!

The Batman franchise demonstrates this principle best, the burton franchise perhaps. And of note is how little was learned from the Burton experience.
The first movie, Burton sat down, flipped through comics, applied his own style, secured Jack Nicholson, Jack Nicholson stole the film, won an oscar and so - a sequel was commissioned.
Tim Burton went through the same creative process, got Micheal Keaton back, expanded on all the brilliance he injected, bigger sets, better special effects, got Dani Devito as Penguin, Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman who probably introduced most kids to their first erection, and... the film flopped.
No Joker, no Jack, no money.
So the studio fired Burton, brought in some guy who turned the franchise into a toy selling extravaganza. Batman now wore 10 different suits per film. Henchmen were more gimmicky and more colourful, more celebrities were brought in to play the roles. Scripts and Dialogue took a back seat to Big explosions and gimmicky crap. The Batmobile now needed to be redesigned every movie. Far more colour, far more stupidity.
And it made money, no doubt pissing off many fans of the comic franchise. But they didn't matter, it was all about luring them in to pay for a ticket.
The producers made all the important decisions, and the studio, they weren't fans of batman, they were fans of money. The second director gave advice to Chris Nolan 'to watch out for when you go to more toy launches than film premiers'. The studio went for the easy dollar. Got too busy, and blew it.
Flash forward a dozen years and witness Spiderman 3. Now it is worth noting that Spiderman is probably the second most valuable franchise after Batman. And furtermore the principle of sequels. You see when you watch a TV show each week, you arent subconsciously wanting to watch something new, you are wanting to watch last weeks episode as if for the first time. This fundamental psychology is what makes sequels such a money maker even though they have an appalling track record of ever being superior to the original.
Same goes with movies, what really draws the crowd in is the fact that they enjoyed the first one so much. No big surprise there, but what happens in the mind is that their is a desire to actually experience the last movie they enjoyed so much again, but they can't because they have already seen it. They want to see the exact same movie, but with the old experience of surprise.
So payload really comes from one film when the next film is released. This is especially true now, when studios aim to recoup their costs and turn a profit on opening weekend, something that has seen the death of the romantic film.
So Spiderman 3's record takings are really a testament to the fact that raimi didn't fuck up SPiderman 2. He created something growing and developing and people were hooked.
Enter motivation number 1 for movie adaptations, enter: priority one. Sam Raimi, wanting to continue a good thing was weighing up between having the Lizard as the bad guy, or Sandman. The studio however wanted Venom to make an appearance for a spin off franchise, in a sophisticated move. Also possibly on the toy sales front Ozbounre Jr, had to become Green Goblin again. Add Black Cat and the movie got too ridiculously busy to even follow what was going on. And Sam Raimi was the one that looked like he was going to get fired for it, when much like Poochy in the Simpsons it was really the marketing department that got greedy with product expansion and fucked it up.
Now one can witness the same principle in effect, Nolan with the solid offering of The Dark Knight killed Two Face in the concluding scene of the film.
I read it as not that ambiguous that Harvey Dent was dead and wasn't coming back as the intention of the sequence, yet the producer tells it "Producer Emma Thomas said that Dent's last scene was ambiguous enough to suggest that perhaps he was still alive." in other words, the producers don't wish to squander the two most marketable batman villains in one film, without having even used two face to promote the film.
It's this kind of thinking that makes franchises generally unsustainable. It also crops up often enough to make me not expect great things out of comic book movies, though in general I think the industry has learnt a degree of restraint after killing the first batman franchise, the fact that overcrowding films happened again in Spiderman 3 though means don't hold your breath.

Bringing it to the people:

Whilst I doubt as many people have watched all the Harry Potter films as have read the books, I know for certain more people have seen 'The Dark Knight' than probably ever will read 'The Long Halloween', the same is probably true of 'Batman Year One' by Frank Miller that inspired starting 'Batman Begins' from Batman's beginning.
Same same for all the Marvel franchise movies, Hulk has high brand awareness from the 4 seasons of television shows screened in the 80's than from people reading the comics, Alan Moore reveared within the industry has to endure director after director shitting on his masterpieces with cinematic offerings like the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.
Contrast the Wild West of Comics with the mystical east of comics - Manga and its incestuous sibling anime and you see a very different scenario. If a manga is popular an anime series is practically a given. But you'd expect less people to watch the anime (even slightly) than have read the comic. Because manga is enjoyed by young and old, and widely read.
Amongst my friends in Oz who play basketball, roughly 1/3 has read one of Phil Jackson's books and his are probably the highest profile publications on basketball after 'The Jordan Rules', but almost every Japanese person I know and Chinese for that matter has read Slam Dunk.
Only in the east it seems are people logical enough to conclude that if they enjoy movies adapted from comics, then they will probably enjoy comics also.
Female fans of Peter Parker and Mary Jane (their relationship being the one true advantage Spiderman holds over Batman at the box office by sneaking a chick flick into a comic book film) would for the most part like at least 80% never stoop to read Spiderman comics.
Furthermore only in the west can a film like Sin City make money. Sin City was literally a take for take, frame for frame motion comic. Scenes, makeup and actors were shot to make it as close to the same physical appearance as possible as the original comics. The one legitimate offering of Sin City on my own cynical criteria is that it was a chance to experiment with the new special effects techniques.
But otherwise, I say, go read fucking comics.
I consider reason number 2 to be an illegitimate symptom of cultural prejudice, that slowly I hope is changing (but with the editorial management of DC and Marvel, has little justification to do so) that simply doesn't appreciate the merits of the genre.
This second reason for comic book movies gets up my nose the most, particularly because fans of the comics endorse it. There favorite comics are somehow validated by being made into a film, like that is the aspiration of all people who get into comics in the first place.
It may well be, but that just indicates that the quality of comics are going to drop, just like the glut of literature now written in the hope of being featured on Oprah's book club (although I seem to remember she threw the program in because she didn't have time to do it monthly anymore).
The great irony is that from a technological viewpoint, the cinema is cashing in on comics now because they are starting to catch up with the imagination of comic book artists.
For me, maybe I'm a psycho and have unrealistic psycho expectations, but Heath Ledger's joker just wasn't scary. I hypothesize that it was all actually filmed and cut from the movie for a non-R rating and thus the scariest thing about Joker was the implied violence. I hope this is the case, because when Batman Begins came out I went and bought for $9 both Batman (1989) and Batman Returns and watched them and discovered they actually weren't as great as I remembered, particularly on Micheal Keaton's part, the rubber suit making his job functionally ridiculous.
But along with the Superman franchise, these films did do the one legitimate form of bringing the comics to a new audience - kids.
Not people who are too lazy or too arrogant to deign to read comics, put up with the 95% shite to find the true masterpieces of the genre, but children a new generation to follow the adventures of characters that have been around almost as long as the Hardy Boys.
I was what 6 when Batman came out, and Joker terrified me, with his disfigured mindless girlfriend, his Joker Juice and his buzzer that burnt a man alive. But despite the darkness of batman, to 6 year old me it was explosive, the ridiculousness, and at 6 I wasn't reading batman year one by frank miller or Alan Moore's killing joke. But I was watching Adam West's batman.
So there's upside and downside, to motivation number two, but it isn't as compromising as number 1 - making money.
But on this criteria a movie like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or Transformers is good at reintroducing something to a new generation, or the Brady Bunch so targeting children can't be that great and noble a thing to do.
You then have left the 'truthist' school of which tries its upmost to be true to the comic, Nolan and the newest incarnation of Batman could be accused of this but I think he does enough remixes to disqualify himself (not necessarily a bad thing). The real founders of this school are the makers of 'Sin City' and '300' that literally try to remake the comic as true to the drawing style as possible, or even I believe the upcoming adaptation of 'The Watchmen' Alan Moore's masterpiece.
These are the most acceptable to many comic fans, but to me truthist adaptations for one work best on short run self contained comics and are impossible for ongoing franchises, and two are at their best when they offer nothing new at all. That is they are so true to the comic, the only real creative work is the special effects, makeup, and audio/voice.
I didn't go see 300 but I did buy the comic and would never have thought there was enough to it to make a film. I saw Sin City and discovering them to be so true to the comic, I never had any desire to see it again, I just read the comics.
The truthist school as I dub it, opting for the best case scenario of virtually replicating the comic on film so as not to upset any fans, could more easily achieve this concession to the fan base by just not making the film.
I hold this truth to be self evident and stepping forward interpret it to mean, that in light of recent practice reason number 2 - bringing a comic to new audiences is really just reason number 1 in disguise.
In the one justifiable first case it is a device to sell shit to kids or a 'new generation' and in the other justifiable sense it aims to keep fans happy so it grab an extra $16 off them at the box office, whilst stimulating their minds with nothing new at all.
The biggest appreciators of 'Sin City' weren't saying 'isn't it great how every character sounds exactly the same' the were saying 'Wow! its amazing how much this looks like the comic' I mean if you read SIn City it's a real fanboy piece of crap written by a guy that can't get laid and possibly has a crush on some Japanese girl he knows.

Which just leaves the new...

This reason for making a comic book film, rarely sees the light of day. At best it is restricted to special effects. I think the only comic adaptation I can think of that did something close to something new was Tim Burton's Batman.
For the record I doubt I'll ever be inclined to go back and watch them, they just don't work like they used to. But what I do still respect about Tim Burton's films is that they managed to capture so much of what Batman is and has been over generations of editors, writers and owners, over multiple genres that it did become something new.
I mean, the sets were new, but the overall darkness was sort of the grit of Frank Miller, master of the cliche, the Joker was similarly Alan Moore's psycho-admirer of batman incarnation, and yet there were stupid scenes like when Batman selects a specific one of 6 bat suits on his rack. Or when Vicki Vale wakes in the middle of the night to see Bruce Wayne preffering to sleep hanging upside down like a bat. I've never seen another movie that simultaneously took itself really seriously and yet laughed at itself so much.
The reimaging of both the Penguin and Catwoman, and even choosing to do them in the first place put Tim Burton in with Sam Raimi as being a classics man.
But outside of the flop, Batman returns, movie adaptations of comics rarely offer anything new.
Enter the 'realist' school, Nolan and Favreu (director of Iron Man) probably exemplify this approach in recent years.
But first let me digress, I perused an Alan Moore article on 'How To Write Comics' where much to my appeal he mentioned that somebody should consider what a comic offers that other media don't. The example was that in a comic when you surprise someone with a twist, its actually easy for a person reading a comic to flick back and find all the clues you planted earlier in the comic, so the clues can be quite subtle and the reader can enjoy your treachery and subterfuge.
Not so with Movies, even on DVD it isn't easy to backtrack and look for clues, so they either have to be more obvious, or you suddenly witness a flashback scene when the detective realises what is going on or the big surprise is revealed. As such a movie becomes either predictable or contains a shitty flashback sequence.
I have paraphrased him the insight isn't my own.
Now whether you are talking about Harry Potter or comic adaptations, the principle in reverse is true, one advantage movies have as a medium over comics is that you have real people. It is easy to get the physics correct on a cape blowing in the wind, the actor stays in proportion and his nose is the same in every scene.
You get to see the characters 'brought to life' this was more or less the only appeal in Harry Potter movies, and this stopped being worth the money of admission halfway through the first one. Equally enjoyable would have been a concept art book.
Through this simple observation comes the evolution of the realist school. Nolan is great at this because he insists on real special effects, and is Computer Graphic averse. SO he actually goes and builds a working Batmobile, Batbike etc. He also then takes license in trying to portray how Batman would 'really' exist in real life, like his Kevlar-weave body armour, ordering 10,000 masks and 10,000 ear pieces and generally engages in acts of rationalization (that means to start with the solution or finished product and then figure out plausable reasons for why it is the case). This exercise is what brings things that are new. Similarly in his approach to Joker and Ra's AL Ghul. In my book Ra's Al Ghul is the shittest villain in Batman's rogues gallery, introduced as a 'Bond-type' villain in the 70's or 80's who uses lazerus pits to perpetuate his youth, Nolan rightly decided Ras Al Ghul was a pretty stupid character, then he stupidly put him in his first film. But instead he is rationalized or 'realized' as mathematicians refer to -i^2 by reworking the character not as an immortal, but as a terrorist who merely uses diversion and misdirection to perpetuate the myth that he is immortal, I suppose like EZLN leader Marcos wears a balaclava and claims 'we are all Marcos'.
Similarly, the Joker whilst differing from Ras by being actually a good character, has an unlikely combo of disfigurements that Tim Burton admirably tried to make plausable. In short Joker, fell in a vat of acid and not only permanently altered the pigment of his skin to deathly white and his hair colour to green, but his face was left in rigor mortis - conveniently making him look like a clown.
Presumably Nolan did what I did, and when reading the wikipedia article on Joker one day, noticed he was based on a character 'The Man Who Smiled' and followed the link where he discovered that the title character of the movie had something called a 'Glasgow Smile' now known as a 'Chelsea Smile' to most which is where you saw from the corner of a persons mouth into their cheeks.
Here Nolan cried 'Eureka' or something, and 'realized' the Joker into having a glasgow smile, and then some face paint and hair die. In that regard the 'new' Joker is kind of new.
Then look at Iron Man and Favreau - there is a scene where Tony Stark is testing all the 'control plates' on Iron Man's exterior and they are all these little folding flaps that adjust automatically to allow Iron Man to fly. Here Favreau wanted to lend plausibility that a suit could actually fly and be aerodynamic somehow, and he insisted that the mechanics be at least conceptually possible [citation needed]. In reality, Tony Stark would be incredibly selfish for keeping his tiny power generator all to himself when it could probably do more good for the entire world than Iron Man ever could achieve on his own, for one thing it would break the dependance on middle eastern oil.
But the realist school does something new, by trying to be realistic in portraying the 'how' of the comic world. Something that ironically makes fantasy more enjoyable. Because it is better if it seems possible to become Iron Man even on flimsy scientific concepts than it does to say be told you can't be superman unless you are an alien from outerspace, or be Jesus unless you are the son of Go, or be Legolas because you aren't an elf with pointy ears.
Batman and Iron Man though, all you have to do is be incredibly wealthy and resourced with state of the art technology, that you then self indulgently use as a vigilante rather than equipping a police force and respecting the rule of law.
But...
But, again even reason number 3 whilst probably the only reason I would consider validates artistically making a film, isn't really done well. I mean rationalization only works when you are already utilising reason number 2, and you thus get to retell the origin stories of heroes and villains and make changes. But whilst it makes the characters potentially more plausible, it doesn't really do anything new.
New stuff is done in the comics, through a vast hit and miss exercise.
For example, Tony Starks explosive admission to the press conference that 'he is Iron Man' seems to break with tradition of the superhero alter ego. Except this was pioneered by Iron Man in the Iron Man comics. Iron Man infact has battled with alcoholism, been secretary of defence in the Bush Administration, and lead a super hero civil war on the side of the government licensing superheroes.
All bold moves done in comics.
I heard Frank Miller's script for what was to be 'Batman Begins' had recast Bruce Wayne not as the son of a doctor who was a billionaire, but as a homeless man that paired up with Alfred his mechanic. Naturally it never saw the light of day, and to me sounds like a shitty idea...but at least it was new. It wasn't something there was a better example of in a comic already.
In general, the tendancy is to be faithful to some previous incarnation or another, or otherwise go back to the origins and rationalize them by todays technological standards.
But not say portraying a character radically differently, like an emotional batman who puts ona tough guy facade to hide his own arrested development. Or a suicidal Tony Stark, willing to don the Iron Man armour as he attempts to hasten his own end to a largely meaningless and unchallenging life.
There was one startling and dazzling exception to all I have said, and that is Superman's son in Superman returns. That was completely new, and the film was regarded as disappointing by both fans and producers.
Furthermore the dynamic itself wasn't fully explored as the audience was much more aware of the revelation than Superman was for most of the film. But as far as I am aware, nobody has yet dealt with the possibility of Louis and Superman having a child, a hybrid kryptonian even though there has been a ready supply of superboys, supergirls and even Krypto superman's dog. And it was done in a film, so I applaud him.
The next closest contender for doing something new was Ang Lee's the hulk that used the Hulk franchise as a metaphor for the repressed anger between father son relationships and the emotional baggage caused by vicarious living. This too was considered a flop, and probably was too clever by half. Introducing emotion and relationships to a cowboy film though, got Ang Lee a reward.
The irony is that comic book adaptations are expected to make more money than the oscar winners for Best Picture.
So really whilst I think if you are going to make a movie, to take the money of an existing fan base, do something new. They may like it, they may hate it, but at least it wasn't something they could find a better example of, drawn more creatively than the films special effects techniques and usually longer and thus cleverer and more intricate in their duration (prime example is The Dark Knights basis in the Jeph Loeb/Tim Sale batman comic run of 'The Long Halloween' where the Joker as a plot device was actually minor and most of his role in the events of the movie were actually caused by a character known as 'holiday').
Otherwise at best you do a decent abbreviation of something they have already seen, Nolan is actually good enough to change them up a bit, so the realization component dilutes the truthist aspect of using Year One and The Long Halloween as the overall plot basis.
But the precedents show that this 'doing something new' is financial suicide jeopardizing reason/priority number 1 - make money. Furthermore reason/priority number 2 - introduce to new audience, makes recycling something that has already been done, quite okay and creating something new for a new audience illogical. Becuase then you would be creating new fans that may not like what already exists. So reason/priority number 3 will never happen and if it does be quickly ended.

Lastly...

I just want to touch on the license, or mandate a director recieves, that follows on from number 3. Favreu decided not to use Iron Man's arch nemisis 'The Mandarin' in the first Iron Man film and apparantly is struggling to figure out a way to incorporate him in upcoming sequels.
This is/was a pretty sound decision, because I'm not sure if you can quite say obectively, but as close as you can get to being objective: Mandarin is a shitty bad guy, A) he is a metaphore for Communist China, as Iron Man was invented in the height of the cold war to battle communist enemies, and B) Where Iron Man wears a super sophisticated high tech armour equipped with weapons technology, the Mandarin has ten magical rings that give him all his power. It is hard to create a world where both are plausible, magic vs technology only George Lucas can pull that off.
But then you have the latest director of The Hulk, called The Incredible Hulk as a reboot to Ang Lee's flop. Here the director decided the the name of one of the Hulk's arch nemeses 'The Abomination' was stupid, and didn't want it used. Thus the character is only referred to as blonsky, all though the name 'The Abomination' did get an allusion 'You could become an abomination' this sort of license though I don't like because it smacks to me of a director putting their own personal preference above the fans.
Iron Man I don't have a problem with, and to be honest I'm not really a fan of either franchise, but there is a rational provided as to why the decision was made not to use Mandarin but the Blonsky vs Abomination the reason provided was 'the director thought that it was silly/stupid' and that just isn't good enough. It might have floated if he had just said 'look the dialogue would become labored and cliched to give him the name because he actually manifests so late in the film. Thus there really is no reason for anybody to refer to him at all nor for his title to become common usage as he is dead before any characters interract' that's fine, but the treatment is flippant.
Fans should not be scared of a director, the director should be scared of the fans.
Of course, most western comics are now so long running, so convuluted that to be true to them all is as fruitless as attempting to be 'American' its much easier to say what isn't true to the comics than it is to say what is.

I'm quite proud of that little tirade. If I was someone famous it could become a rant as influential as Micheal Moorcock's Epic Pooh

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Comics: Underrated Villains.

Sure Joker was obvious, you had to have Joker in a batman movie, but when it came to the sequel, Tim Burton had the whole rogues gallery to choose from, and he chose...penguin?

I thought I'd look at some of the lesser known, or underrated bad guys as a brief offering for today, that for one reason or another tend not to get their due.
So I'll kick it off with a list, I don't know how long this list is going to be, but its a list no less.

#1 The Penguin (Batman): The penguin is perhaps the most underrated bad guy in the whole comic book world. He has only disadvantages, he's short, he's ugly, he's ridiculous. His gimmick is confusing, is he obseesed with birds in general, or just penguins? What's with the umbrella? This is what happens when you are inspired by corporate logos on a matchbox in the early days of Bob Kane, who really was no less a hack than any other comic book writer in history.
But that's what makes the penguin so beautiful, he has become the conniving imp. Relying on brainpower alone, and hired muscle. He generally just wants to run a crime syndicate. HIs motivations pure and simple so pure and simple infact that almost any reader can understand him, unlike the more bizarre afflictions of counterparts like Joker and Two-Face that have mental conditions that don't really exist and thus no audiance in the world can actually relate to them.
The Penguin is the ugly short man, insecure he seeks compensation. He seeks quite literally revenge on everybody, for pushing him to the fringe of society over a condition he was born with.
Tim Burton was no dope, their is a lot more to work with in penguin than a lot of other villians that have been brought to the screen, abomination, joker, two face, iron monger, green goblin... none of them have as tidy and understandable back story as the penguin.

#2 Lex Luthor (Superman):

Okay so maybe Lex Luthor isn't underrated in the scope of Superman, but in when people talk about Superman they talk about Superman. I doubt most people could name more than say 2 enemies of superman without consulting wikipedia. And then in the broader context of comics, when people talk about comics they talk about Batman & Spiderman.
Lex Luthor though, is similar to the penguin in that he is voiid of any abilities. Also he has been incarnaed over the years as being simultaneously a mad scientist and some corporate moghul.
But Lex Luthor is bald, and has no powers to speak of. And yet he takes on the man of steal. He is the contrarian, when all the world chooses to love Superman he chose to hate him. Lex Luthor, simply is Grant Hackett pre Ian Thorpe's retirement.
His life had been dedicated to building an empire, where he could showcase his ability as the number one human being, the man of tomorrow. And then some fucking alien comes down from the sky and steals all the attention.
Lex Luthor, quite simply is batman. He uses his brain to fight superman, calculating his weaknesses and exploiting them. Its just that Lex is Evil, Batman is good. But essentially they are the same, billionaires indulging in their own selfish fantasies.

#3 The Abomination (Hulk):

The abomination may seem like somebody looked at the poster of 'creature from the black lagoon' and then tried to figure out another name that wasn't 'creature' and I'd almost bet that that was how he came about.
But on the surface the abomination seems pretty obvious to work out, he is a brute strength type villain, that turns up has a punch on with hulk and eventually is thrown into outer space or some shit.
That's generally how he is treated. But I say he is underrated A) because his name may appear 'stupid' and B) he needs to be considered in contrast with the Hulk.
Over the years, Hulk has been overcomplicated so that now, sometimes Banner can transform into Hulk whilst maintaining control, but usually and especially in the early days, he transformed into a mindless beast.
Contrast the abomination to Hulk and then you see how truly horrible a concept it was. Abomination is a gamma monster like Hulk, except Emil Blonsky post transformation retains his mental faculty, the catch though is that unlike Hulk he can't return to his civilian identity, he is stuck quite literally as an abomination. And furthermore unlike the hulk he is quite capable of comprehending his own fate.
That's fucked up.
As an adversary the Abomination has lots in common with the Hulk, but in many ways whilst the reade is to sympathise with the likeable unfortunate Bruce Banner, and cheer on the Hulk the abomination's predicament is actually worse.
He has undergone an irreversible transformation, can comprehend his own fate and the Hulk is strong enough to subdue him and deny his freedom.
That's one underrated bad guy.

There we go a list of 3, lets face it in manga, all the bad guys in Dragon Ball Z ended up being Goku's friends and I can't thin of any other particularly outstanding bad guys in the rest of Manga's history except maybe Lord Gemma in Ninja Scroll.
And most villains are either rated appropriately, or never written to realize their potential or just plain shit.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Comics Week: East vs. West

I have been thinking about comics a lot recently, and rest assured if you are not a fan of comics, maybe you will learn something. I plan to handle certain disparities between for example, comics and literature, comics and movies, but I thought I'd start out with a look at the two great schools of comics: East & West.
If you understand the West to be America, and western comics to be largely completely dominated by DC and Marvel, DC giving us batman and superman, and Marvel giving us virtually everything else.
If you understand the East as I perceive it, the East is Japan, and then a bunch of insecure countries that both hate Japan, whilst simultaneously wanting to be Japan, even though Japan hates itself.
Then understand as I understand, that Japan's comics are manga, serialized bound little books with their own distinct stylization.
Both forms are now available in Borders, and most comic stores.

How they are alike:

Both western comics and eastern manga have the same proportion in common, albeit for different reasons. The same proportion exists in that in both wide genres a good 80%-95% are pure shite depending on the year.
This though is also true, both genres have been visited on by true genius, creating the types of work that can be found in no other genre.

The Broad Differences:

Is really as far as I can determine, control. In the west, if you want to make a living in the comic book industry you need a distributor, same in the east. In the west the distributor is DC or Marvel, so you usually would end up writing for one of their franchise comics. In the east though, the distributor is weekly magazines like Shonen jump and others, which have a large circulation.
In other words, they work more like schools in Japan, where the manga artist/writer alumni attract the next generation of writer/artists so getting published in Shonen Jump is a great way to launch your manga into a viable longstanding business enterprise. But the contents of Shonen depends entirely on the manga creators they have commissioned and put on the weekly/monthly deadlines who control their own projects.
In the west you get picked up by DC, and if you are up and coming they give you a writing job on Aquaman! if you make an impression produce solid work maybe some day the editor in chief will ask you to write an arc for 1 of the 10 monthly Batman titles or on Superman or if you are at the top of the heap writing Batman & Superman crossovers like Jeff Loeb.
Or at Marvel you start out on one of the millions of titles they publish and eventually may get to work on Hulk or Spiderman. In other words, western comic companies work more like corporations than schools, rather than the school having a brand known for producing a certain caliber of individual, the corporation has a stable of brands like Nike Shoes or some shit that it puts the talent onto perpetuating.

Room for Both:

This broad difference offers different things, that I think only an idiot would develop a preference for one or the other. Well developing a preference is natural. I probably would lean towards manga for consitency, but comics if I was allowed to base my preference on cherry picking the best.
They both have upsides and downsides.

The problem with the West:

As a fan of batman, I read almost none of the monthly comic titles and haven't for years. Because like talking to someone you've dated for a long time, sooner or later you've just heard every damn thing they have to say.
Reading batman is like this, its good and reliable, and unmindblowing. The scarecrow is cooking up some way to cause fear. Mr. Freeze has no mercy, yet is motivated by love. Joker comes under three schools, he is callously sadistic, he is hurting the people batman loves, or he is trying to be funny in a dangerous way. Two Face is struggling with his alter ego Harvey Dent, is obsessed with the number two and decides things by tossing a coin.
Penguin is trying to get laid. The riddler is pathetic and wants to be caught. Catwoman doesn't want to be compared to batman, yet wants batman. And so on.
Quite literally of over 100 publications of batman a year, only 10% will try to do something new, and of those 10% 9.5% fail. Of the .5% that succeed, the headway is forgotten as the editor in chief pushes on in the pursuit of bigger sales.
Batman I am assured is for most of history the number 1 comic, superman is the oldest, and he is plagued with a shitty relatively unknown rogues gallery and an interdependence on Lex Luthor getting his hands on Kryptonite as a plot element.
Then DC drops off, I don't read the flash, have never read the flash and don't intend to read the flash. But wikipedia tells me and it looks like he has probably the next best rogue's gallery after Batman. Then there's Green Arrow that was reinvigorated by Kevin Smith's run (he was amongst that .5%) and he is pretty interesting. And then way way down you have Green Lantern, Wonderwoman, Aquaman, Hawkman, Martian Manhunter, Shazam.
Then you have Marvel, Marvel have a lot more bigger franchises than DC, Hulk, Spiderman, Ironman, Punisher, Xmen, Daredevil, Fantastic 4 and then their weaker franchises that are probably stronger than some of DC's 'strong' franchises like Captain America, Ghost rider and then there's successful spin-off's like Venom, Elektra, Wolverine, Iceman and Johnny Blaze.
All more than I could ever bother reading.
But with Marvel there main problem is the unbelievably complex clutter of shit they have to deal with. Like the Spiderman clone saga, Magic and time travel. There are so many crossovers, big year long specials and rogues galleries that number in the 100's instead of a reliable stable like DC that its literally impossible to keep track of them all.
Except wikipedia does it, and so look up any fairly prominent supervillian like Abomination for the hulk or Green Goblin for spiderman and you'll see they have died, come back to life, been cloned, been cured, realised their old ways, used technological substitutions to supplement their powers, willingly reinflicted their injuries etc.
This is the real problem with the western tradition of comics, nobody can die, the universes need periodic resetting so you can tell the exact same stories to a new generation and no progress can be made. In the case of Batman he has been going through the motions since the 1920's, Two-face with his unlikely asymetrical injury has had it repaired and more unlikely restored so many times now its a wonder he bills as second to Joker in Batman's best villians list.

The Problem in the East:

Because of the different structure of control, generally one artist works on one brand for its entire life. Dragonball Z has concluded, Astro-Boy (Tetzuan Atomu) is not still releasing weekly publications anymore. One-Piece and Naruto are firmly under the control of their one author who answer questions from fans who write to them.
But whilst this may seem superior to the west's DC and Marvel Dominated industry it has as much downside as upside (equally true of comics) to understand you may have to see how a Japanese kid draws his favorite characters from Pokemon or Doraemon.
They draw it like you would build ikea furniture, or a paint by numbers picture. They will start drawing in an irrational place like the hand, perfectly recreating a static lifeless representation.
Having the same artist working on a title for its entire life produces a distinct lack of variety, much of Manga is as formulaic as the plot of Batman comics. But it shows up in different places, namely the artwork. There is a correct way to draw Naruto, there is a correct way to draw Inuyasha, there is a correct way to draw Pikachu, and its fucken boring.
Going broader than that, whilst fox's with 9 tail's and characters prone to lying with long noses may seem wildly creative to you, manga follows archetypes borrowed from Japanese folklore that are more formulaic than Jungian archetypes. Even the way's of portraying emotions are heavily repetative across many manga artist styles, the bead of sweat portraying nervousness or embarassment, the sharp pointy teeth for anger, the band of red across the nose for again embarassment or love. As though all Japanese people viewed the world through the same lens.
Plot elements and enemies can also be quite repetative across titles, like the heavy use of the four elements of earth fire water and air, or collecting pieces of some seal, use of the number 3 etc.
A lot of what you see in manga seems creative to the new reader, however it really is subscription to the same old genre doctrines, as writers again try to write something saleable in the hopes of getting published. Shonen Jump isn't looking for something new and mind blowing, its looking for Dragon Ball Z, except that Dragon Ball Z is finished so you get Naruto and One-Piece that are Dragon Ball Z with a few changes.
Manga also from the publishing perspective tends to be more drawn out than comics, which try to be 2-3 part self contained stories. Manga are more big long epics like the Hindu Holybooks, so you get a week where the artist covers a lot of talking and nothing else, or the crew spends a long time walking somewhere.

The Sunny Side of Western Comics:

I remember being told ad nauseaum that Shakespear was still relevant today because it dealt with large universal themes.
Western Comics at best are like hearing moving classical pieces of music. They don't date because they explore something simple, a relationship, a concept, a human condition.
Furthermore, ad to that the fact that so many writers and artists throw their abilities at the contextual constraints you see some amazing stuff.
Like the run on Daredevil where the old mob boss, KingPin's predecessor was released from jail and was reminiscing about the 'old days' and all his flashbacks were done in the art style of the period he was remembering, so if it was in the 1950's it looked like the 1950's style of comic, all golden age like, and if he was remembering back to the 60's it looked pop art where people had pink skin covered with pink dots and so fourth.
Or the collage work on the run featuring the deaf character echo, done by the artist from kabuki, who told the story using cut out diagrams for sign language.
Or works like 'Kingdom Come' with its highly stylised water colour illustrations of the DC universe.
Then there's Frank Miller's work on Batman in Year One and Dark Knight Returns. Alan Moore is a fine example of that .5% actually daring enough to try something new. You may know his name from shitty comic adaptation movies like 'League of Extraodinary Gentlemen' and 'V for Vendetta' read his comics and discover they are actually masterpieces. He broke into DC with the revolutionary work in Swamp Thing, where he started by killing all the main characters and conducting an autopsy on the title character. He also revolutionised Miracle Man, before going onto writing his own work including 'The Watchmen' that won a nobel peace prize or something.
And that's a prime example of artists in the West that shit on Manga for completely breaking with tradition. The ones that do their own projects to write masterpieces like Art Spiegelman with "Maus", Alan Moore's Stable of work, Frank Miller's "Sin City", Crumb's work on "Crumb" and "American Splendor" and new titles like Deus Ex Machina and American Virgin.
But even looking at the bread and butter of western Comics, like Batman, if you are willing to plow through mountains of shit, you find some of the finest works you'll ever see. Like the long run 'No Man's Land' saga of Batman that really hasn't been beat.
I mean Batman is essentially the story of an addict, unable to deal with his grief and surrounded by enablers. He is doomed to repeat his self destructive habits until he dies, systematically shutting down any chance of having a loving relationship again. I bet you never thought of Batman as so tragic.
Then there's Superman, that Tarentino rightly pointed out is the one superhero who's alterego is his civilian identity, all other superheroes (excluding Martian Manhunter, and Gambit from Xmen) have to put on a costume to become a superhero, Superman has to put on a costume to be normal. For Superman its the story of an outsider questing for acceptance. Then you may look at Superman as a reimagining even an american messiah story, sent down from the heavens to deliver humanity from sin.
You see in the DC comics, this abundant appeal of the clash between what these characters mean to different people.
Is Superman the all American country boy just trying to fit in, or is he a divinity plagued by the endless pursuit of saving humanity from itself, or is he an alien that has an annoying array of just about every superpower out there.
In recent years Batman seems to be splitting into two schools also, the rationalised school looks at a guy who through an amazingly perfect set of circumstances (born wealthy, owns military supplier, lives in city with corrupt police force etc.) has been cornered into becoming a super vigilante out of necessity. And the other school that takes the simpler approach to why he dresses in a bat costume and runs around in shadows: he is insane.
Or Stan Lee, Stan Lee saved comics at the same time he destroyed them. Sort of like Isaac Newton he seemed to just let loose with a whole bunch of characters just waiting to be created. If you ever try to come up with a new comic book character you will find Stan Lee has gotten there first.
But he does have cool concepts, take the Hulk - the Hulk is the monster as hero, that's cool, possibly the first character since Superman who's source of power was infact a plague that cast him to the fringes of society. Or spiderman the kid who was flung into a world of hurt as his power whilst seemingly turning him from zero to hero imbued him with the 'great responsibility' that strains his marriage, his relationships and leaves him targeted and victimized by his enemies.
Or Iron Man - the loveable Asshole, based on hugh hefner and came complete with a drinking problem.
X-men a story of a rehabilitation center and civil rights movement that turns out superheroes and explores more broadly how the presence of superheroes would change the way society operates, and the social divisions it creates.
All this reiterated again and again is whilst repetative kind of like shakespear in more senses than its literary prowess. It is picked up by artists of the day and reinterpreted, reinvented and renewed. It is a pity that most of the time it actually doesn't offer anything new.
But when it does, it really is something.

The Sunny Side of Manga:

Much like western comics, if you throw out all the generic formulaic shit, you are left with some really good stuff. Like Deathnote, ridiculous? Yes. Convoluted? Yes. A fascinating thought experiment? Yes. You would never see such a ridiculous hypothetical carried out into a ten part series as the Deathnote run, about a teenage genius who picks up a notebook that has the power to kill people whose name he writes in it.
Nor would you see works like 'Slam Dunk' in the west, where an artist who simply loves basketball will write a 31 part series about a highschool basketball team that was/is the most moving/uplifting/entertaining/fascinating manga I have ever read.
You don't get works like One-Piece that are long running fun-escapist fantasy that still have story arcs that make you go 'wow!' or capture that anticipation of a long winded Jackie Chan fight, like when Luffy figures out how to beat up the next pirate captain.
Same goes for Dragon Ball Z, and to a lesser extent Naruto. Naruto even as formulaic as it is, is a fine example of the manga ability to just artfully add rules to gracefully grow a story by adding piece by piece and remixing combinations of a reportior of moves.
If you read Batman, good writers portray batman as a brain, second guessing motives, having plans within plans within plans. Bad writers just make up some new piece of technology to get him out of trouble all the time, some not falling short of the infamous 'Shark repellant spray' of the Adam West movie.
The writer of Naruto would be of the first variety, the good kind. As far as I read of Naruto, the main character and others as student ninja's had a small repertoires of ninja magic, stuff like cloning, illusion and shit. The author got these characters to keep using and combining the skills in new and imaginative ways, drawing out tactics that create an internal physics.
This is the advantage of giving one writer plenty of play to take their comic where they want to go with it. They get to actually develope the characters without worrying about how they are going to bring everything back to normal for the next writer to pick up like an episode of simpsons.
In Manga if someone wants to kill a character off, they kill them and they don't usually come back.
There's none of the JRR Tolkien view of fantasy that it 'needs to be comforting' like Winny the Pooh. Characters in Manga die, get raped, get disfigured, get diseased, get divorced, get expelled, graduate, go up a year, age and stuff that generally takes 100 times as long in the western comic tradition.
This allows a far greater work load aswell, I went to see Tezuka most famous for Astro Boy, but the amount of work he produced in his lifetime, that was written by him, drawn by him and read by millions (of Japanese people) is truly amazing. He wrote Kimba the Jungle Emperor (later ripped off by the Lion King), Astro Boy, A biopic of Buddha's life, Pheonix, Metropolis, A Beethoven biopic, A graphic novelization of 'Crime and Punishment' by Dostoievsky and about a million more works.
An amazing breadth of concepts were covered aswell, he had homosexual relationships depicted long before the west dealt with adult themes in the 80's, he had cute kittens drowning 20 years before Disney was experimenting with shooting Bambi's mother.
Then the modern master Inoue author of Slam Dunk, Vagabond and Real. Samwedged between two manga about basketball, Vagabond explores the philosophy of the warrior code and uniqueness of Musashi's mindset better than most of the academic works I've read on the subject, and using brush and paper uses the traditional calligraphy to create and express action in a beautiful zen like way.
The best of manga, like the best of comics is very good.

The Best of Both Worlds:

Vagabond is an example of what is typically done better in the west, getting experimental with the artwork, I don't know if its the limitations of the printing techniques used by major Japanese publications, but manga remains more or less strictly black and white, grayscale at best, monochromatic mostly. The comic has been full color across the board for almost 2 decades now, probably because they have the penciler, the inker, and the letters all as seperate jobs.
I've already mentioned though that Alan Moore was an early pioneer of writing about something in the comic industry, and since the 80's fortunately the generation I grew up with, comics have largely grown up with me. But to get a sense of the slow progress in western comics, I should point out that Batman's traditional sidekick was Dick Grayson the original Robin, the current one Timothy Drake is still portrayed as a teenager and he is the third incarnation of Robin, there was also Jason Todd. Tim Drake has been Robin since I was 6 or so. He is considered the new kid on the block in Batman though.
But now, Alan Moore had Joker shoot commisioner Gordon's daughter in the spine, ending her career as Batgirl. Since then across the western comics, the manga like development has gradually been creaping in, adding emotional depth to the conflicts. Characters in western comics are now suffering from HIV/AIDS, struggling with Alcoholism, Gay, Addicted to Heroin, their loved ones die, they cross the line, run for office, They reveal their identities publicly. Stuff actually happens. Yes it still takes a painful amount of time but it happens, if you read enough comics, usually something out there is doing something right any given week.
Furthermore independant releases like American Virgin and Deus Ex Machina are abandoning the tried and true top selling brands and being viable on their own merit created to be a specific vehicle for a specific concept.
In the East its hard to tell how effective western influences are creeping into mainstream manga, Japan tends to promote immatation amongst its fanbases, and this seems to spread out across south east asia, at least with the number of asian students I've met who's drawing style seems to be straight out of a 'how to draw manga' textbook, which is a shame. But Vagabond in using the sumi e technique is paving the way for a reaproach to drawing, allowing more individual character in. The differences are showing up more in Anime, where technology is providing for innovation as is seen in 'Ghost in the Shell' the best of both worlds would be for a manga studio or apartment or even art school class to just start working with a writer that cant draw, which is probably hard to do, since you have to write with the imagery and layout in mind, but that I would like to see.
In the west I'd like to see the big brands, go contrarian and drop the ten monthly titles, keep Batman: Detective Stories, and wash your hands of Batman, Batman: Gotham Nights, GCPD, Robin, Batman & Robin, Batman Adventures and the ten other Batmans. Then they can stop this god awful coordination that is forced to occur between writers, put more eggs in the one great writer and not need a team of researchers just to keep track of the 10,000 minor characters nobody cares about, and the 10,000 status changes of the 16 or so major characters the fans love as they bounce in and out of Arkham Asylum.
Western comics around the board if they don't want to lose ground to the growing popularity of manga, need to stop being lazy and going quantity over quality but really get down, quit with the big convoluted crossovers where no character gets enough attention and be willing to upset their fanbase a little.
So what if they love two-face be willing to retire him to a healed Harvey Dent for like 8 years before you return him to Two-face status, leave Jason Todd Dead. Get rid of the fucking Kryptonite! Let Superman discover a new weakness, or just be outmatched mentally.
Use different naratives, different perspectives.
Same goes for Manga, I'd love to see a few episodes of almost any comic removed to a third party perspective. Have some events happen to a person rather than be happening as we watch over the protagonists shoulder.
Use collage, use paint, go photo-realistic in the portrayal of characters.
It never needs to go all one way, but having established there is room for both, there is definitely room for both to learn from eachother.
I'll write more on comics as the week progresses prepare to nerd up.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

FOWP Update: My thighs are killing me

Good thing I don't need to hold a pencil between my thighs. My parlor trick prostitute days were left behind in Bombay.
I ran 13km from work to home yesterday in preparation for the City 2 Surf. Its kind of a shame that it is officially called 'City 2 Surf' which means I won't be able to watch more of Harvard's uninstructive 'How did he draw' DVD this weekend.
That said, I am in love. I can't help but feel we have lost something in the age of digital art, I remember my year 9 graphic design class, we had three weeks on how to rule up a page. Skills totally lost to me now.
Because we were given a software package to do that with almost immediatly after we finished.
But back in the good old days of the 80's you used to sit down with pencils and draw. And there's something romantic about that. Back right when the electric pencil sharpener was the revolution in the industry, or the mechanical pencils.
Then came photoshop, and that was the end. But as my teacher pointed out...
Well 1. The best most expensive cameras in the world still came with a pinhole camera attachment (the simplest most ancient form of camera)
and 2. With pencils and paper the only limitation is the artists imagination. With software the limitations are that of the software.
I'm not sure if evidence bears that out. But tell me, in the whole world of Japanime have you seen anything that appears even as close to revolutionary as 80's one hit sensation Aha - Take On Me:

Now that's a love story.
So take it from me, I have a little more design work to do, then I'm just going to fang it, so I should be writing in a fortnight max.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

FOWP: Update Twix drawing is hard

So yesterday I was raiding Harvard's bookshelf for instructive drawing references, and only finding books about the art of advertising in near pristine condition (ladies if you are worried about your youthful beauty date Harvard, he will dust cover you and preserve you like nothing else, hoping to sell you one day to a rich online collector) and he got out an artbook of Takehiko Inoue, the only Manga artist who's work I have actually paid to own (Slam Dunk, which will be handy for indoctrinating my children into basketball) and I thought, man that dude's the fucken best. And started to flick through it, to discover the book was more an art folio, with completed works and no instruction.
Luckily Harv's (as nobody calls him) had another trick up his sleave and produced what I now retrospectively realise was the legally savily named DVD 'How did he draw' where one can watch the master at work.
I mean Takehiko Inoue, sure, for doing a graphic novel is aiming a bit high for instruction. The dude is one of the best and most original writers of manga, and ontop of that like the milkman on top of your mama he is one of the best artists.
So when I put on the DVD I did get to see how he draws 'Vagabond' and discovered that he draws it with a skill and ability that is beyond both my lower and higher brain functions.
Furthermore there is nothing explanatory or informative about the DVD. He just seems to have the finished artwork in his head, and almost randomly goes about transferring the image to paper.
And I can see, the guy has gone to art school, done about 10 years of hard slog as an assistant to a published artist, scored a gig in Shonen jump, been drawing essentially the same principle characters for 20 years. Understands anatomy and composition so that with relative ease, in 20 minutes can lay down with ink and brush a masterpiece.
So back to Fear of a White Planet. I scanned in the component features last week. Spent a day or Twix with the lasso selector, copy and paste into grid after grid after grid much like this one of rejects:
watch he doesn't steal your watch

Then it was back to the old fashioned pen and paper. Thank god for modern scanners and illustrating tools. I would have spent A) weeks experimenting until I was satisfied or B) minutes giving up.
And came up with a monster for my good old fashioned monster sci-fi so hideous I can't post more of my progress because you don't show the monster too soon, because well JAWS proved that.
The other oddity is writing for comics. It is easily some of my worst writing ever. The only bit that I have to do up to any standard is the dialogue. You realise though that writing a comic is the reverse difficulty of writing prose.
For example it takes less than 10 seconds to write:

'Everyone flew into a panic'

And then it takes 10 minutes to write:

'As the sun fell upon his face, he was struck with the sudden realisation of his own mortality, he had fallen this day, his bloody stump of a hand pumped a last drop of blood onto his surprised expression. The moment of truth had arrived, he was dead and he knew it. Peace. At last.'

Whereas it takes about the same amount of time to just draw a stunned face looking at the bloody stump of a hand, it takes 6 hours to draw specifically everybody flying into a panic, their stunned expressions, composing the chaotic directions of the people in the picture and so fourth.
Straightforward actions are suddenly the enemy, abstract emotions a cinch.
I'm still tossing up how to write it, I think I'll go MI2 style and just anchor it in a couple of crucial scenes/sequences and then work the overall plot (pretty simple) around it.
As of tomorrow I stop drawing for the monster and get to work on the principle cast. Oh joy!

btw, this not blogging is working so well for me, I'm going to keep it up at least another week.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Some days I feel Stupid, Today I don't.

My work has me looking at this highly topical, highly interesting state of the economy.
I flash back to 3 months ago where I was sitting in my sisters apartment finding I had a virtually inexhaustible list of basic economic principles that I had to cover to have a conversation about the economy.
And yet then there's this:

And to think, all this was known, by the industry no less in 2006.
What I find though, is that this presentation is not too technical for a young audience, people could be taught this stuff in High-school.

and yet for some reason we don't.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

FOWP: Update

That's right 'Fear of a White Planet' now has its own abbreviation, ignoring all my marketing training I am embracing the 'free ride trap'. Aurally, FOWP is only one syllable faster than just saying 'Fear of a White Planet' funny huh?
So Today I managed to not blog, and with the time I saved, even though there were many things I felt angry at, I instead channeled my time and energy into productively discovering how hard writing a graphic novel can be. I have been discovering this for a matter of weeks now though. Today I was working on my hideous alien monster.
This involves an enormous amount of study work, downloading pictures to serve as both inspiration and technical instruction, experimenting, then concentrating, then practicing in order to get the technique into my muscle memory until I can draw my hideous alien monster from all angles and in fair proportions too.
Anyway, here for my budding fan base of nerds is an early teaser release:

now if I just had some glue

I also managed to grab a delightful lunch with Harvard "Ivy-League" Wangorovich, and read several chapters of 'Straitjacket society' as research/inspiration for my other writing project.
So all in all, fuck you blog.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Self-Belief Level Low

Today is a day where writing here is kind of a kick in the face. Coming to terms with the fact that writing with virtually no quality controls, no constraints, no aim and no purpose means that it is the only work I am likely to complete.
You see my self belief isn't steady it wavers, and lately I think about how much time I've been wasting unproductively - that is my time not work time, work takes a lot of figuring out because I'm doing stuff I've never done before but I am confident I will pull it off. I'm just amazed at how much personal time I spend being virtually sedentary not progressing towards what I hope to achieve.

You see I actually whilst sitting in a warm house on comfortable couches with good showers, with food and dinner and shit actually wishing I came back at night with a room with a desk, an old school graphic designers/architect's desk with the slope for drawing on and maybe a computer and a camp cot and possibly something to whip me into action.
I feel ironically that I'd be better off living on mee goreng and fucking crackers and shit than being feed a nutritious diet by my folks.
Something fucking spartan, unfortunately with the rental market at the moment this would probably cost me $155 p/w. I can't afford that just yet.
So whilst I still believe I can do all the stuff I want to do, all the stuff listed in my ideas.doc file recorded over 9 months of travelling. I am losing my belief that I will actually do it.
I need a task master, someone to keep me to deadlines and prevent me from losing another 3 months to 'So You Think You Can Dance'.
So I'm going to take a week off blogging, and try something new. Try producing full time (full time left after work) ready, go.

2 Crashes avoided somehow

Is there something inherently wrong with my brain? I actually have the naive belief/assumption that people are actually jealous of my lifestyle. Not the current specifics of living with my parent unable to afford fancy coloured sneakers.
But that I actually ride my bike everywhere. I actually think when its 11 at night on a friday in St Kilda and I say 'I have to ride home now if I want to get back by 1am' my friends think 'man awesome riding home from the beach on a summer's night, that sounds like something great to do.' which I am guessing (but don't naturally assume) they don't.
So when people talking insurance to me drop the casual bomb "You being a cyclist are taking your life in your own hands" I'm surprised anyone actually would think this way. You see when you get on a bike, you don't think riding is dangerous anymore.

You think people in cars are stupid.

I have seen my fair share of arsehole cyclists being plain stupid, but as a bad driver I can say that daily I am confounded by the stupidity common to people who have a license to drive from the state government.
And as much as I don't need reminders of my own mortality, there is value in posting links to this, just that people understand that A) cyclists legally have a right to be on the road and B) there's nothing dangerous inherent in the design of most bicycles, its in the design of cars that danger lies.

So let me tell you about my day, today I worked largely from home, except I went in to town to hopefully attend a vaguely scheduled brainstorming meeting. As I cruised down Studley Park road I came down to the bottom which is annoying for a cyclist because people tend to park there when I'm sure its illegal.
Then I was on track for my first collision which was stupid.
It was stupid because there was a cyclist in front of me, and only about 10m ahead. And he passed a jaywalking pedestrian clearing him by only 30cm or so.
So this pedestrian if he was like me would have gone, 'woh! cyclist forgot about those' which to all extents and purposes he did because he stupidly turned and looked right at me.
I actually love jaywalking, from my travels my quick rule of thumb was - good country jaywalks, bad country doesn't. In China they infact have the opposite of jaywalking, cars jaywalk and pedestrians have to look out.
But I like jaywalkers generally because so long as they aren't a 12 yo smoker from a low socio-economic background they usually work around the traffic instead of trying to have a direct confrontation with them.
This guy looked right at me and stepped right into my path like it was no big deal. A slight shift of my weight cleared him by 2cm or so and it was over just like that. There was a car behind me in the next lane across, so it wasn't like he needed that extra step to create a window of opportunity for himself. He had to wait anyway, it was just plain stupid.
I kind of wish that I had just plowed right into him. I love my bike though, and even though I'm sure the transfer of momentum would have done more for his skeletal structure than mine or my bike, at the end of the day I'm kind of a nice guy who doesn't crash vehicles into another to teach them a lesson.
This crash was stupid in a darwinian sense.

The second crash was stupid in the 'That guy is a fucken moron sense' I was heading back down Johnson st, and had a green light through the pedestrian crossing adjacent to pug mahones, a white mini-van decided to pull out and cross perpendicular to me.
Fortunately I have been riding long enough to be alerted first by knowing that he didn't make eye contact with me and second I could calculate that if I didn't speed up but instead slowed down he would run right over me.
So I sprinted forward and turned around, he was most of the way across the street before he decided to stop stupidly gazing in the opposite direction of oncoming traffic and work his way around to ahead of him (where he was driving) it was here that he noticed not a meter from his face me glaring at him as I swooped past. His facial expression told me he was thinking 'gee I'm an idiot' which is satisfactory but nevertheless I had the adrenalin in my system for about an hour afterwards. It makes you quite restless and distractable, so much so I didn't notice my ipod was stuck on repeat of one song for the further 40minutes of my commute.

The only thing to cap it all off was that while I was jacked up with adrenalin my mother spotted me and honked her car horn at me. A car horn is never welcome or friendly to the ears of a cyclist so while my mother's intentions were good, being honked at from behind only meant she was met with expletives until I noticed her waving into her rear view mirror at me, at which point I added her name to my expletives.

The point is, don't let me discourage you, bike riding is great and days like this are truly rare, I find them amusing whilst also providing a good reason to get angry from time to time it's even better than being angry at inflation.
And besides if you sell your car and get a bike, thats one less car that can potentially almost hit me.