Whatever you do don't fucking wave at me

Riding into Melbourne at night is a rare pleasure. Particularly from where I'm coming from. It was 5 but the city had already started to light up last night as I coasted down Studley park road.
I then embarked on a stretch of more or less flat lands along Johnson st. Cruising along through one intersection, two intersections and then low and behold the third intersection has a green light.
There are no cars around. Ahead of me, one solitary sensible car trying to turn right (theirs) across my path.
I am visible, and I think I make eye contact with them as I coast into the intersection.
Then I clench my fists around my brakes and come to a sliding holt as my wheels lock up leaving me a meter shy of where the car has briefly paused.
They briefly paused because had I not braked so hard that was the spot where their car would have been parked on my mangled carcass.
I glare through my angry looking glasses at the driver, a young female in her late 20's or early 30's.
You know maybe she had seen me, maybe she hadn't. My bike is black after all and I hadn't put my lights on next. But it was afterall me that had saved my life, what she did next though was what I hope to promote through some kind of awareness week as the worst response a driver can possibly give to a cyclist they almost kill.
She smiled and waved at me, then drove on.

What the fuck is that?

This is not the first time it has happened. It is quite a regular response from people who try and fail to kill me, or even just slight my rite of way.
What are you trying to say? What are all these people trying to say?

Is it just some ploy to fool the bystanders into thinking we are friends, and that this 'almost killing me' is some kind of inside joke we have.

Is it their way of saying 'oh hello! I see you now'

Is it their way of telling me 'don't worry it's nothing' as they casually dismiss their attempt at superflous'h'acide.

Is it their way of saying 'Thanks for saving yourself and sparing me a lifetime plagued with your death on my conscious.'

It seems overly friendly.

This is how it comes across to me 'I don't want to admit I'm stupid' or 'I really did nothing wrong here, though your upset somewhat flustered and adrenalin shot expression suggests otherwise' and just a general lack of accountability.
This impression of mine, wrong or not is usually reinforced by the driver hastily speeding away without looking in their rear view mirror.
The last near collision I had with a car was coming down Kew junction, I was weaving my way towards the lights and my sleeve caught a yellow Honda's rear view mirror. It snapped it forward. Luckily the things are designed with this give. It wasn't like I was Batman on his increadibly mobile mp3 player knocking off mirrors like they were crime itself.
I looked back and made my most apologetic gestures, then tried to back my cycle up, uphill to fix it for him. The driver was asian, so luckily having been to Japan I know excuse me is usually accompanied by bowing and lifting ones open palm parrallal to the nose.
Something like this from a driver I would accept, but if you really want to get in the clear with a cyclist here is what you should do.

1. Stop your car and make eye contact with the cyclist.
2. Raise your arms up in a shrug with palms outward in the universal 'I dunno sign'
3. Adopt the facial expression that grovellingly says 'I'm so sorry'
4. From the safety of your chasis, you can say out loud, or mime if you are too cowardly these words 'I'm so sorry, I am such a fucking douchebag, I thought I was so important, and in such a rush that I needlessly tried to save a few seconds and almost killed you'
5. For extra points you can bash your head against the steering wheel, OR recite the road rule you know made it stupid.

In my case the lady could have indicated that she knew that A) I had right of way as oncoming traffic continuing in my path where she was turning across it. B) that there was no rush for her to turn as any car that enters an intersection is legally entitled to complete its crossing, and may I point out at its own leisure.

I ignore the most important point though, why should anyone care about cyclists? Why would anyone be interested in actually meaningfully apologizing to them? Surely the priority is to speed off and spare your own embarassment, maybe get far enough away to actually get angry at them, maybe she thought 'That idiot, can't he see I was complementing him? I turned thinking he would take way longer to get into the intersection, the fact that I almost killed him was testimony to his own incredible speed'

For this I don't have an answer. Because really, cyclists and drivers are the same people, somebody who is a stupid, irresponsible or just plain bad driver is probably going to be a stupid, irresponsible or just plain bad cyclist.
Even as people take to bicycles especially now fixed gears have made them fashionable, this means the war will shift from sensible drivers caught out by stupid cyclists and sensible cyclists caught out by stupid drivers, to sensible cyclists caught out by stupid pedestrians and sensible pedestrians caught out by stupid cyclists.
In other words, the war isn't about choice of transportation, but betwixt smart people and dumb people. It just happens that in the inner city, a bicycle is a really smart choice of transportation and a car a really dumb one, so that tends to misrepresent the sides as it were.
But really if you catch yourself being stupid behind a wheel, watch out because soon you'll have to get out of that car and be a pedestrian, and then momentum is on the cyclists side.
Also because a cyclist is actually faster and more mobile than cars in many sections of Melbourne, namely Sydney Rd, Victoria St, the entire CBD and well fuck enough of this emotive rant.

George Orwell said:

The whole idea of revenge and punishment is a childish day-dream. Properly speaking, there is no such thing as revenge. Revenge is an act which you want to commit when you are powerless and because you are powerless: as soon as the sense of impotence is removed, the desire evaporates also.

And these are very wise words for cyclists to remember also.
After the incident I actually thought that my shmancy new kevlar tires had just paid for themselves seeing that just two days earlier I had my worn slicks on that would have twice the braking distance, then contemplated my insurance status wondering if this was actually true.
Also I'm actually going to label this post 'crash' for the first time just so I can start keeping track of how often stupid people almost kill me.