When You Know

Aside from the 2 hour party that is running a half marathon, this weekend I also went to a wedding, not just that but the wedding of a couple that are convincingly in love. A couple where you dread the thought of them ever separating because you don't want to pick sides, nor face up to the pressure of stepping into the void either partner would leave.
Whilst I don't believe in a universal notion of love and shit, for example I don't think anyone should lead their life in the pursuit of a perfect partner, or someone who makes them giddy with love forever and ever, I will concede that their must be some people that actually through probability, circumstance or brain wiring have this kind of fairytale relationship in earnest. And give and receive blowjobs until they are wrinkly and old.

Contemplating re-entering the dating game myself, and trying to write as close to a 'romance' as I will probably ever right, I'm trawling up memories of the various people I've been in love with over the years, and when I knew.

Where there is love, there is cliche and the wedding was no exception, one of the speeches I forget which involved the 'falling in love a number of times, just with the same person' chestnut.
There are some people I fell in love with numerous times, 2 people in fact and both of them from my 'summer of love' relationships. For tactical reasons I normally don't share this information but usually I am in love with someone long before I tell them, normally shortly before I kiss them. It's how it happens for me and Alas AMI hasn't developed a nasal spray for me.

The first girl I loved I don't remember the name of, and it wasn't sexual at all, it must have been grade 2 or 3 and she did the twist with relentless abandon, it was the first time I ever really noticed a girl and I liked the honesty of her exubirent dancing. I remember feeling sad and reclusive when she left the school. This is probably the first time I have written about it.

I fell in love with "Beryl" when she was telling some guy he was a dickhead. She was Yr 8 and I was Yr. 7. She was the first 'skank' I ever saw although the term probably wasn't in fashion at the time. She was also probably the first redeeming feature of public secondary school. I never found out her name, asked her name, or did anything else. She was unpolished and dangerous and I was captivated by her.

I fell in love with Sarah after she found out I liked her, and she walked past me and winked and made the 'chk-chk' sound which I can't make and one usually makes when riding a horse off into the sunset and remains the most intimidating thing to ever happen to me and I was terrified and knew I loved her. I foolishly asked Bryce for advice on asking her out, and then more foolishly told her I loved her at the end of that phone call. It was pretty downhill from there. Lesson learned.

Suzanne I didn't love, but i did love how we started out, which was being shoved into the room she was in with a push in the back from some fugly chick that was hooking us up with the introduction 'here she is'. I was shut in a laundry with her and can't believe I recovered from that.

I loved her, but didn't know it when Eleanor was giving Bryce shit at La Porchetta in the same way I would give him shit. He was dating her then and as guys don't tend to steal women off eachother I thought nothing more of it at the time, since it was a double date and I was with Suzanne at the time (I also learned never go on a double date with Bryce if you don't like being upstaged). I knew I was in love with Eleanor when she suggested our first date be at the Pancake Parlor. I think it was the most in love I've been with anyone ever. I fell in love again when she told me the remote was referred to as 'the Travolta' as if that made sense. If I had known who David Bowie was I would probably have fallen in love with her again. I even fell in love with her amongst the abject humiliation of being beaten at table tennis by her when she held the bat by the pad not the handle and still managed to smash me out of contention. I knew I loved her when she broke up with me for very practical reasons when I departed for Uni, at the exact time I was starting to toy with the idea of trying to keep her around. I was sad, but it didn't hurt.

I knew I loved Chantalle when she found my use of the word 'novelty' highly amusing on the Seijoh mini-bus on some excursion Kimura made all the exchange students take. Then there was a years hiatus, I fell in Love with Chantalle again when I saw her in big-pants in Melbourne town, where frankly speaking she was trying far too hard to be a sophisticated city girl for my liking.

I fell in love with Claire whilst walking with her to her friends place as she unfolded her stupid scheme to get with me, that pretty much involved her friend Sophie alienating me at a dinner party from conversation whilst getting me incredibly drunk in the meantime. It was moderately succesful, but I was more impressed by what an idiot she was bowing to a buddha statue on our walk. It was either that or her tight chopping action when preparing meals, like its something that needs to be taken seriously.

I fell in love with Miki when she attempted to imitate my model strut and fucked it up by turning around and smiling in an almost approval seeking manner and it was the best smile I had ever seen.
I fell in love with Miki when she remarked she didn't like italians as we waited for a table at Tiamos.
I fell in love with Miki when she got up before me at 6am on a workday to get my bicycle ready, an act wholly unnecessary and by the way it sounded to me lying in her bed, really ungraceful.
I fell in love with her again when she ate a big-breakfast at a brunch one day that i refused to help her with at all. She took it really seriously, and I was seriously impressed.
I fell in love with her again when I ironed on 'Come here' and a target that was intended for underwear onto a white cotton chesty bonds shirt and I showed it to her and she made her hand into a pistol and went 'piow piow' at the target.

So Eleanor and Miki remain the bench marks, and I don't know who would 'win' out of the two, because both ended for geographical reasons (as far as I was made aware) and if I saw them tomorrow I'd be skeptical as to whether I still did. The time each had with me was not comparative either. To be honest the opportunity to say or do something that made me fall in love with them: things they said or did that made me fall in love with them probably favors Eleanor. I'm not sure I'm spelling her name correctly though.

I should also say there are omissions too, as there are girls I was in love with but managed to avoid anything approaching a relationship or even friendship. Feral Beryl and the girl from grade 3 are okay, because I don't know who they are or were and if I met them tomorrow wouldn't know any better.

I also realize that there are girls that I've been with that I was never in love with at least not in the way I'm talking about, and more than I suspected.

Anyway whether you find your soulmate or not, there are plenty of opportunities for love out there. Plenty.