BOBS

This is a magic formula for effective complaint behaviour. I tried to introduce it at work with limited success. But whenever I'm nervous about voicing a contrary opinion it works wonders. I picked it up from RYLA and it's one of the best things I got out of it.

B is for 'Benifit of Doubt' ie. when complaining give people the benifit of the doubt that they never intended to offend you, hurt you, inconvenience you etc. If you give someone the benifit of the doubt when complaining it is a) less acusational therefore less likely to put them on the defensive back foot and b) offers them a way to explain their behaviour and save face it diverts the blame from being personal to focussing it on the process or practice in question which is where you want attention to be.

O is for 'Own your own point of view or feelings' this stops you from making sweeping generalisations. A generalisation though it adds emotional impact can set up a criteria for your arguement that you can't defend eg. if you say 'everyone thinks this new timesheet is stupid' you have made the complaint supposedly on behalf of everyone, for whoever you are complaining to the quickest thing they can do is deflect the actual issue (the timesheet design) to the generalisation (everyone) and simply find one person who doesn't think the timesheet design is stupid (which often is easy to do) If you are complaining on behalf of everyone you need to do the polling first and hope they have the resolve to back you up. If on the otherhand you complain on your own behalf (so far it would be 'I know the timeshhet is relatively new and there where reasons for implementing it however I think...) then they have to deal with you there in front of them. The can't simply argue that other people have no problem and that you are being selfish.
I use this when I can't speak on others behalf and it also makes sure your complaint is only selfish insofar as you are complaining about the part of a process you have to deal with and consider the repercussions on others.

B is for 'be specific' much like owning your own opinion it's designed to stop generalizations and exaggerations if you complain that someone is late 'all the time' and you don't have any hard data then you set up another easily defensible condition that they aren't late all the time just 'sometimes' then it can descend into an argument about the frequency of lateness rather than the issues associated with the person being late, the repurcussions or the hurt. so eg. 'I know you have a busy lifestyle and you work hard but last tuesday when you were late I got frustrated because I was the only one left to answer the phones and it gives me a stressful start to the day...' sound's very different to 'you're always late' with some fingerpointing thrown in.

S is for 'state the goal' this is my least favorite failing of a complaint at all. When you simply lump a problem on someone to fix, it will frustrate someone because you are telling them simply what's wrong without stating a solution. This is crushing to receive and obviously my blog often takes the form of venting often without actually alluding to any solutions.
For example one I recently received was 'The engine's aren't up to date and it's creating backorders that shouldn't be there you need to fix this so it shouldn't happen anymore' it's much easier for me to get on side if someone said instead 'I know the engines are changing all the time but I'm getting frustrated because dealers are calling and abusing me when they are getting backorders and I have to fix them, I have had calls about the GX390... GX440 etc. is there a report you can run that allows me to update it on the system' to me that sounds like a real and genuine issue rather than someone taking their frustration out on me and wanting to shirk responsibility. Stating a goal paints a picture of an ideal world and let's the person you are complaining to know you want to be part of the solution and as such can avoid a meaningless emotional argument and replace it with constructive discussion.

Of course needless to say I only really remember to use BOBS with written complaints but still that's handy come the age of email and furthermore for the important issues makes sure I give myself the best chance of succeeding.
Needless to say I catch myself (often in hindsight) defending the emotional personal attacks from poor complaints just out of instinct or habit. Furthermore some times the little things that get me frustrated and caught off guard have me often on the attack.
Still sharing is caring and I strongly suggest you try it out if it sounds like it will be of use to you. I even went so far as designing a form that I could fill out before complaining.