The Promise

After year twelve I made a solemn vow. I vowed never to work that hard again. It could be said as as solemn as I've ever made a vow, I've certainly never been more serious in all my life.
In reflection this was naive of me all that 'work' I did in year 12 was not that much in the broad scheme of things. I mean apart from scant patches of intellectual property from particulalry remarkable projects and competition entries which are truly far and few between, students produce very little.
I'm not lobbying for more Nelsonesque funding cuts for education, but all students do is consume resources for those years and the consumption expenditure is theoretically recouped in later years with a more productive labour base.
But I work 9 to 5 and don't believe in overtime at all. Overtime in my book is like bragging that you're incompetent and barely managing your workload, exaserbated if you don't take your annual leave (which pisses employers off because the value of your annual leave appreciates over time). but that already an 1 1/2 more than I used to 'work' at school and I had longer breaks. And I can tell you now with the shoddy concept of 'homework' seriously what kind of fucked up fucking concept is homework. They can't efficiently teach you concepts such as differentiation or the functions of money or grammar in class time they have to load you up with homework to take home weekly on top of assignments. I'm sure it fucking enriches the learning experience, infact I'm sure I'm fucking positive it doesn't since I expended more energy coming up with excuses not to do homework than energy put into doing homework. Home time is Tom time.
Where was I? what the fuck did I bring up homework for. Oh yeah some school in Briton got rid of it, that is a positive step away from unproductive workaholics right there.
But that's not why I raised it what I meant to say is if you added up all the time I spent doing homework in my entire school career it wouldn't average out to shit.
So I'm sitting on 6.5 hours and three times a week I had to go to cross country training until 5 so I'm still sitting pretty when I made my vow. I wonder how much more productive our economy would be if work time built those 4.5 hours of extra curriculae exercise into the Industrial reforms.
Someone should seriously do a study. Most studies already show we work more hours than we can justify even in the limited concept of GNP. My brother had a mate who was an IT PhD developed a theory that the average person works 3 hours of productive time a day so even if he was paid for 8 hours he would dedicate himself to working only 3 hours with complete commitment and then walk out. His employers loved him. I love him even though I've never met him.
I'm not saying I'm lazy. I just think there's things I'd rather be doing than work. Even if my work was painting which I love I'd never dream of spending 8 hours a day doing it. I mean what kind of person can do anything for eight hours with the odd break? What moron came up with this system?

Xual

My bike, I love my bike, is A shogun Metro SE I presume the SE stands for Special addition as really as far as bike models go there's no real recognised model like the 'louden boomer' etc.
But those Japanese in their unassuming way have given a bike that I ride a name that is four letters short of being Metrosexual. This pisses me off. I'm very pro testosterone. In high school I formed a beard union since my private school didn't let us grow manly beards as was our right when we man blossomed above the year 7's with their bad haircuts oversized blazers and dirty sanchez moustaches.
I tried not shaving for lent and got sent home, I walked in after a school holidays and got sent home, I represented the school in a foreign country and awed all with my ability to age 7 years while on Christmas break.
SO riding a bike called the Metro, fucking Metro anything doesn't appeal to me. The japanese don't know better they love beckham and Ian thorpe and regard them as real men. In fact in Japan the more androgenous you are, the more lipstick you wear, the more angle in your fringe and highlights in your hair, the more hardcore.
I don't get it.
Anyway I love my bike. There is no more perfect machine than the bike. A device that inhances our own anatomy more than any other.
The city the last two days has been coating in a hazy cloud of black in an otherwise pristine sky. I wonder as I always do what drivers are thinking as they drive towards it. Those filthy particles in the sky brushing up against all our lovely buildings, coating the inside of the mouth you use to perform oral pleasures.
Word on the street of oil is get fucking use to it.
Furthermore even if oil does miraculously become more available Keynsian economics tells us why would anyone put prices down? We know you can afford it.

Face of an Arsehole

I was reading some passage in my book about gene's being passed down a line of logic so if you look like your father and your father looks like his father and his father resembles his father then you resemble your great grandfather. You see it all the time in cartoons and movies and shit were the same actor plays the ancestor when they travel back in time.
I have been told since I was young that I bear a striking resemblence to my maternal grandfather, I just realised I can't remember his name. Anyway this was great gave me a feeling of connectedness and my grandfather was described as quite the dashing young man in his time.
To me he was a fun, warm, active, wrinkly bald old man with green tattoos from war and a malaria yellow complexion curtesy of WWII.
At some point though the other half of the picture comes out, that he was a drunk irresoponsible arsehole that dished out a few love taps in his time.
I've found this hard to take because it's totally against my values and nature. I was a teato before I found this shit out, had a brief stint at pacifism (provoking more violence amongst my friends than previously) and was stingy with the coin.
I don't like sharing a face with this man. I remember being angry with mum when she told me of the darker side for 'ruining a hero' but he wasn't and I got angry at the wrong person. He was a great grandpa and otherwise a fucking arsehole.
Point of the story I feel sorry for anyone who bears a striking resemblance to Hitler they have bigger issues than me.

There's a party in my Mouth and the KKK is invited

No not hollandaise sauce or carbonara but harissa:

250 g red chillis
1 garlic clove
dry mint
dry cumin
olive oil
lemon juice
salt

chuck in blender and blend up then put in a jar and you have a delicious spread that due to the unique nature of the chilli will speed up my metabolism if I have it on anything.

So here's what I did:

Assume if you are specifying red you mean those baby red chillis and clean out 3 supermarkets trying to get 250g of them (this cost me less than a buck though I was real impressed) 250 g is a lot of those little red chillis. So who can be fucked removing the seeds from like a million tiny little chillis? I cut the stems off and skinned a whole bulb of garlic and threw it all in the blender. Then I squeezed in my lemon juice and then added some olive oil and blended it all into a salmon pink.
Now I'd been told to taste it in order to determine how much spice I needed to add, so I cautiously dipped my pinky into the now stationary blender and dabbed it on my tongue.
The shit stuck to my face like napalm and burned for an hour and a half.
My nostrils burnt just lifting the lid off the blender.
I know you go to restaurants and shit and people tell you wasabi and chilli and shit is real hot shit and you see cartoons where people jump up and down and flames come out and shit. It's not like that but it is the hottest thing I've ever made and the sensation is more like having an ingrown toenail bumping against something wherever the mix touches your flesh whether that be lips, nostril or tear duct.
So follow that recipe except mix in some red capsicum for some of the chilli. Remove the seeds and look after yourself instead of just relying on chilli oil to spead up your metabolism.
If you've ever wondered why thai people always look like they need a feed, yo.

Brisbane & Sydney

Coming from International House, having friends all over the world from every single obscure nation, religion, sexual persuasion etc. I forgot how much culture shock there can be just travelling in Australia.
I headed up to Brisbane to see my best friend, I hadn't seen him in ages and had promised to be his family a couple of years back and more or less done nothing up until then about it.
So feeling guilty, tired and excited, a potent combination even for someone as versatile as gumby I got off the plane and walked into the arrivals lounge. First off what I like about my friends is they are laid back, they are laid back because they are capable of rational thought and use this process to create confidence. I hadn't arranged to be picked up yet Q was there we shook hands, got talking were in the car and chowing down on breakfast in no time.
Brisbane is overwhelmingly green to me. I couldn't get over it. Running around the hilly district of wherever the fuck I was staying, I saw no other runners, plenty of trees and cyclists and it was beautiful. Brisbane was beautiful and wasted on fucking Queenslanders in their Bundy rum paraphenalia and handle bar moustaches. Crows garnished the trees too and they are an unbeautiful bird, waking me up every morning. The trains too had spikes coming out of the ceilings in the doorways so in rush hour the people clusttered in the doorways had a central object to hang on to, which was great because it was an admission of defeat that they can't cater in rush hour.
In melbourne ticket inspectors are an admission of defeat that train tickets don't deliver more value than risking a fine.
Anyway in brisbane 20 minutes out of the city I was in bush, bush plots like some people lived on in ballarat. Decking, Big free form garden, an acre of bush sloping downhill and no sign of your neighbour. It was my dream house. I chowed down on some tasty prawns and tuna just thinking that. I really chilled.
I could relax in Brisbane. The roads made no sense to me. The surroundings were beautiful and compared to melbourne it was quite quaint.
But you know that episode where homer goes to New York and has the worst day of his life trying to get a clamp off his car wheel. This is how I feel in Sydney.
I read a good weekend article about how some minority of yuppies had hijacked Sydney's culture. They had written 'People in SYdney are cool, going to nightclubs, wearing trendy designer clothes and drinking cocktails. They do not engage in anything tribal like football or drink beer.' It was in-fucking-sane.
I am always overwhelmed by how beautiful Sydney is. Again it seems much greener than melbourne, the harbour is beautiful and their architectural triumphs are architectural triumphs.
How can Melbourne have been rated the world's most liveable city? (that really is some fucking title not to be taken for granted) I've had many a friend say they've had a relative visit them in Melbourne and they couldn't do anything there. Two days I spent in Sydney. In two days as a tourist I had to conclude that Sydney has nothing more to offer than views of the harbour and eating seafood.
Like Kyoto in Japan where you get overwhelmed followed by 'templed out' Sydney gets old fast. It's roads are crazy, you need a seperate ticket for every form of transport. I've had it explained to me the ways to get around town in order to tolerate it, but in melbourne even with shitty public transport you'd never be expected to make the same sacrifices.
People don't seem to care about anything either. Most of the people I try to hang around with are big AFL fans, most of the people I end up hanging around with are left wing pinkos who just don't appreciate what a great thing AFL is to our culture. You go to Sydney, people don't care about anything. That was the overwhelming impression I got, just scratching the surface I know but even cruising the harbour most of the audio tour commentry started with 'On your left is one of the most expensive properties in SYdney harbour foreshore...' seriously every minute was another real estate tidbit.
If there is anything that defines the baby boomers it is real estate fever but I don't give a fuck. There was no multicultural vibe in the CBD. No visable graffiti, posters for rock concerts, nothing. Just a beautiful ornamental tourist snap town. Like being stuck in the docklands. I've camped in Sydney, 'worked' at the ABC and stayed at a university college the place still makes my skin crawl.
I'm feeling hostile even now home again.
Brisbane is endearing I could retire there and take it easy and talk to bogans on the train. In Sydney I would be hunted down and put on a cattle truck for going bogan and my skin would crawl from my face into my colon.
Fuck you Sydney and your fucking impolite shabby service and overpriced beer.

Jetsetting

This entry is suspiciously like an actual journal entry letting you know what is going on in my life. I went to brisbane, I will write more about brisbane later. Tomorrow morning I get up and go to sydney.
The jetseetting globe trotting life sucks. It fucking sucks. I have a bag that is too big for these two day trips and a backpack that is too small. Since last time I got a plane they really have become the flying bus. Like the Magic schoolbus except less educational. I can't wait till they have ultra violet lighting and semen stains on the seats.
Anyway I go to Sydney tomorrow, I get up early in the morning to go to Sydney. I really don't want to go to Sydney tomorrow. I wonder what breakfast will be like on the plane. It better be good or else I'm going to attack somebody.
The guys from Broadmeadows I sat next too were real nice though. I didn't even get lice when he put his head real close to mine only to shake his head in disgust that I was listening to Bach.
Bach is the shiznizzel of Music that is pleasing but unexciting. Unless you get a hard on for fruges or however it is fucking spelt.

Optimus Prime

Life is simple for the Transformers, there are good and evil. A cartoon devised in the Reagan years, Optimus is the definitive leader for me. Uncompromising values, a close collaborative team and the ability to transform into a truck with a trailer mysteriously appearing out of nowhere.
I hear there are plans to make a CGI transformers movie which if like the Japanime revival of recent times it will be phenomenally shit, focussing on the powers of heart and friendship blah blah blah. If it’s like the recent Comic revival, epic and moving in it’s storyline and pitched at the generation that grew up with them well it could be something else.
I once told a girl that I would rather have Optimus Prime on my side during Armageddon than Jesus. This still holds true. Jesus performed miracles sure but a walking talking robot warrior that can turn into a truck and shoot lasers, nobody can beat that.

Semantics and God

Semantics tells us that words have no intrinsic meanings, that means a word written must have a meaning associated with it by a person. I.e. nodachi cannot be understood by everyone who sees it, it is only if someone tells you it means field sword (refering to a sword greater than 5 shaku in length) can most people understand what a nodachi is. Likewise you notice shaku is presumably a unit of length (based on the meanings attatched to the words around it) that you can't quite comprehend in terms of it's exact distance and you begin to feel like you need to learn Japanese.
The problem is apparant in translation and in education where kids look at flash cards with words like cat, dog etc matched up to pictures of the objects they represent starting to associate meanings with words after having first learnt to associate sounds with words.
It becomes less apparant in sacred texts however. The Quaran/Koran is reprinted word for word with no deviation tolerated (the only interpretation allowed arises in translations) books of the bible preserve the word less so (changing Pharoah to King etc depending on the target audiance etc) and pretty much every holy book associated with a religion. The assembled words have no meaning whatsoever in themselves and cultural values such as homophobia in Catholacism are based on such words 'flimsy interpretations' I would dub them if I was quoting myself but I'm sure others have said it.
There is no magical inherant value in the particular sequences of words because you couldn't chuck the holy books in the back of a plane and drob them on some previously isolated amazonian tribe and expect them to pick up the gist of it.
When Jesus said 'I shall return' did he mean 'I'll return...with milk, anybody need anything while I'm nipping out' or 'I shall return on the day of armageddon where we will wage war on the forces of evil.' I don't know because 'I will return' is meaningless in and of itself, we choose the meaning we want to attach to it.
Catholics have come out with the Gospel of Judas and more or less said 'at the end of the day we will believe what we want to believe'
My boss's job is interpreting the Head office's boss' philosophy who in turn is interpreting the philosophies of the founding father. The fact that they were written down means the message probably lasts longer with less disparity between interpretation and intent but fundamentally is little better in the long term than an oral tradition.
Would the world be a better place if we could just admit:

If god does exist, his/her/their words are interpreted by man, who in turn speaks on behalf of god, exercises judgement for god and by extension controls god.

Which I think is true of absolutely all religions even if my blog was to become the basis of a religion for as Paul Atredies said 'The moment one accepts godhead one loses control of it' Faust got fucked out of his answer to the meaning of life when Mephisto tells him 'I would explain the answer to you but it is only possible in a language you would never understand'
Isn't anyone else pissed off the pope gets to sit in the Vatican where Dali paintings struggle to get wall space and all he does is attempt to interpret whatever the fuck god is getting at in the fucking Bible?

Pimp my Blog

I remodelled the site when bored, sorry for the lack of potpurri and petunias and shit.

The Sand

For the record, if ever I fucked up and had to admit I'd made expensive, expensive mistakes. Expensive beyond my means or morality - I'd go into the desert to die. You know run away from problems rather than confront them or have to apologise.
Except I wouldn't go to a real desert. I'd go to the dune known to me as 'the dune' in my camping ground. Every year I climb 250m of soft sand heated up to a cool 45C without stopping. I only use my feet not hands and when I reach the top and walk aways until I reach a dead grotto. It kind of reminds me of Lord Byron's 'Ozymandias' which I think was the Greek name for Ramasis or one of them egyptians with the funny hats which is about a broken shattered plinth with some feet on it that was engraved 'I am Ozymandias, look on my and despair' a poem about the mighty falling with the passage of time. I say kind of reminds me of it because I can't remember it except for that last line.
Dimitri Martin said if you have a cactus and it dies that means you are less nurturing than a desert. I think thats why I'd like to sit and think about what I did until my body packs in on top of the dune. Of course if it is winter I would probably die of pnuemonia which just wouldn't be satisfactory way to die in a desert so I'd hope my collapse would come in the summer months if it ever did at all.
I mean really I hope it never comes at all because I'd rather not have to spend time contemplating my stupidity I'd rather succeed to the point where I create my own Authentic Saloon and sit at the bar listening to Robert Johnson woundering what he has the blues over.
But on the other hand as Topol would say I can see the spiritual value of the desert, I understand those fools who wander out to find themselves, I'd be sensible though and wander out to peacefully end myself*

*and hopefully work in some kind of spectacular explosion like the plastic shark in the Adam West Batman Movie. If I just keeled over from a sitting position and then BANG! when I hit the ground, that would be awesome.

Eccentric

This guy at work reckons I'm eccentric. The very word 'eccentric' the mere fact that it exists is an embarassment to the human race. That the fact I wear a headband to hold my hair back and keep it out of my eyes makes me 'eccentric' says there's some pretty structured guidelines on how to live your life out there. That's sad, its more than that its tragic. Pink shirts, shaved heads, long hair, donating money to a charity, wearing odd socks, eating donuts for breakfast, going to bingo, owning a guitar all these things I have heard people use in labelling someone eccentric.
It's fucking ironic 6 years I spent trying hard to avoid the label of try hard, no bleaching my hair, no piercing, no dreadlocks, no surf clothes, no mobile phone, no skateboarding n shit. Then you get called an eccentric for not trying at all just fucking putting a headband in your hair. The amount of time and money wasted trying to be different could probably feed the third world.
If you want to get noticed, ride a bike through a MYER's store. If you want a friend feed any animal. If you want to be eccentric shop at Target.

The Arguement

I'm really letting April down. I've been distracted since uni went back and being poor. I'm poor enough now to let people take photos of me licking their leprous feet for $1. There's no justice in the world. I know there's people with real issues out there but seriously I'm a girl with expensive tastes I don't like to have to think about money.
Enough of that though. There's one line, in one book that hits the nail on the head 'An armed man will never obey an unarmed man' said by Machiavelli in the perrenial amoral handbook 'The Prince' I also recommend 'The Little Prince' as a worthwhile read.
Arj Barker would say Machiavelli excepts the isness of the buisness. A lot of people hate Machiavelli, a lot of people hate their uncle playing low to the ground well placed shots in back yard cricket. Yet they both exist and frankly better the devil you know.
So anyway why is that line important? Environmentalism. I wrote about my favorite campsite a few posts back and some of you may have got the impression that I love nature. This is true, but unlike someone who believes in getting naked and mingling amongst the trees in the moonlight to abandon oneself to their feral nature and appreciate the ambiance of the environment because my parents were hippies or something, I approached environmentalism from a megalomaniacal angle out of a disturbed youth.
Basically when I see someone spit on the ground I don't think of it as everybodies ground but MY ground. For example close your eyes (and somehow manage to keep reading the instructions isn't it amazing how many times those instructions are written in print) so keep your eyes open for now and just think what I'm writing.
You bake a cake, a delicious cake you ice it and leave it on the cooling rack. Some snotball runs his finger through the icing. Your pissed off, your bigger than your snotball so you wack them with a wooden spoon and when they threaten to call the police you tell them that's fine, they'll send you to a foster home where your new parents will rape you and post pictures on the internet. Alternatively you get down on their level look them in the eye, explain what they've done wrong and sit them on the naughty step. They both work.
So now you're an all powerfull conquering warlord, you invade a cake, it's your cake you take it, but some snotball ran his fingers all through the icing, so you cut his ear off as a warning to future sabotoers (sabotage people) who will ruin things you intend to one day own.
So say the cake is Europe or the Middle East or the world, at some point in the future someone is going to claim rights to that land that is not who has rights to it now whether that be future generations or some world superpower or the Wiggles. They have the power to take that land from another in possession to it.
Like Australia dispossessed all the native inhabitants of the land and went one step further and declared they didn't even exist when clearly they were there. And we freely buy, trade and/or rent this stolen property enjoying full ownership under our legal system, never contemplating anyone would claim a brunswick or werribee dwelling as their birthright and knowig full well any trouble makers would be handily handled by the police.
We all enjoy this. So why can't someone really powerful just make the laws that only they have the power to enforce and others cant stop them?
Seriously if I was as big as I am now and a bunch of preppies formed a committee to say I had to pay a toll to walk on a footpath I would laugh at them and if they pressed the point tossed them aside like teddy bears.
That's the crux of what Machiavelli is saying. When he wrote amorally it wasn't with evil intent. It was amoral which means non-moral as in he wrote extensively on the mechanics of politics and in a time dominated by the church didn't presuppose what one should use political power for.
So the arguement would go something like this (and a belive throughout history it often has) some one sits in a chair and argues rationally, logically, conscicely and passionately about some cause, a moral injustice and positively suggests a remedy that may be counterproductive or merely inconveniant to his opponants position in the debate. He can draw on utilitarianism, economic schools and theories, exciting new Harvard research, new age philosophies. He can reiterate his arguements and provide precedent after precedent for his remedy.
The oppositions arguemen involves breaking his teeth until he can no longer talk. No logic no rational, no rightness or wrongness, he/she does so only in the knowledge that he/she can get away with it because ultimately it is his/her choice, they have afforded themselves a mandate that means they don't have to listen to anyone tell them what to do.
Compelling television I don't know depends who's debating and I guess that's all relative.
But seriously if I ruled the world I wouldn't tolerate PBS commentary on my policy because I wouldn't seek legitimacy through democratic election. I'd seek advice for sure, I'm no expert on fiscal policy, sustainable energy, health & infrastructure etc. I take this stance because I see the US spend several times more than probably 30 of the worlds poorest nations GNP just to get elected.
You can arm yourself pretty well with just a brain, anyone can, and if there's certain things you don't provide no leader can retain power for long, yet effective leaders can emerge in almost any system and be successful simply by understanding how to balance and sustain their power. Power just as a word sounds so totalitarian and testosterone charged that it immediately sounds bad.
I don't think it has too. Polittical parties in Australia fight out benign election campaigns on drab issues with unappealing personalities and far too much coverage in order to retain the power, not to oppress, maim, butcher but instead to decide how to spend the budget and which bigger fish to kiss arse to and the extent of that arse kissing (Do you stick out the tongue or just peck and hope minimal residue gets inhaled when your lips part again?)
Power's useful and nothing goes anywhere unless someone has it. The US mantle as world superpower isn't under threat by terrorism, in this day and age they should be afraid of competence.

Hail the Conscious crush the unconscious

You know what, I was sitting on the train with this Goth girl that had to be 16 or some shit. She had a long nose so her black mascara made her eyes seem really sunken into her head. And sometimes I think I should just say to these people 'Come over to my camp, you'll like it it's pretty cool, we're easy going, just enjoy life.'
Then I remember I don't have a camp, or an estate or anything to support these people. I'm tempted to try and just finance a school in Africa through Oxfam not because I particularly want to help Africans over other people in the world but because I can afford to in Africa, it'd cost me $200 to set up a school there verses $1.7 million here (Capital plus loan money) and then it wouldn't make money unless I taught what the fucking government wanted me to teach I couldn't go unlocking humann potential that way.
When I went to see Joe my Psycholigist it was fortuitous that his office was located in the Brunswick Incubator. Just a small space to allow startups to take place. I thought Paul Rubens woould love this place.
That's what I really want to do. I was talking to Damo on the train last night on the way to Haruka's farewell and commented how nobody was really shocked or surprised at his news that he was going to do a PhD in the US.
He started laying into how a lot of people wouldn't think much of my dream of going to Japan to make lots of money. Which tells me that not many people really know the essence of my dream. I mean that isn't even a dream no more than riding the corkscrew at seaworld is someone's dream.
My dream is to be a finacer or the fancier term I was using in Damo's presence: financier.
I had a lot of good ideas when I was 16. Nobody would back a 16 year old though because a lot of bad ideas come from 16 year olds and a lot of them cant get past the 'let's build a skatepark idea' which was what lead to me getting so frustrated that I quit Ballarat City Youth Council.
I want to be a Medici, I want to bankroll actual human development. I want to have a building with crazy people trying to make there ideas and dreams feasible realities under my roof. Like some kind of umbrella which I don't personally ever use.
An estate a legacy, to build something in my time here and contribute something visable and tangible even if I'm just some name in line three of thankyous that contributed cash that in itself has no inherant value.
Like Lao Tzu's ideal I want to take this and give that. A true sage. I got that ring commisioned, for the same price as a school with textbooks in africa. Was the money ill spent? I don't think so because the ring represents this camp, this building that houses dreams like a rubix cube that I want to sprout out in the frontrunners of humanities search for meaning. I'll build the school aswell as soon as I find out who to give the money to, but I want it to be under the umbrella of that idea sitting there on a finger reminding me of the bigger picture.
A syndicate of dreams.

The Merchant of Florence

The Rennaisance is a funny name for the most culturally productive period in European development. France's Rennaisance man Rene Des Cartes founder of the Cartesian plane and still holder of the most convincing arguement that I exist 'I think therefore I am' is one of the few French contributions to the period, versus Italy's Michaelangelo, Donatello, Leonardi Da Vinci, Botticelli, Nicolo Machiavelli, Frar Angelico, Rafael, Christoforo Columbo (better known as Christopher Columbus) and of course the family that paid for it all and noted humanists the Medici.
I first took a liking to Lorenzo di Medici when I discovered he was popularly known as 'il magnifico' or Lorenzo the magnificent. He was a popular lad too, a tyrant and consumate capitalist he survived wave after wave of plots to overthrow his family as first citizen of the Republic of Florence.
Turns out Lorenzo was more or less incompetent at managing the family banking business driving the most profitable bank in all of Europe just about into the ground and dipping into his nephews trusts to clear himself of debts. But he valued human develpment and that strikes a cord with me. Its the sticking point of any government whether it be capitalist, communist, socialist or totalitarian it really comes down to the values of leadership groups. Corporates are like this, mini countries in effect which is why I'm happy to work for a man. The long standing effective companies have a core set of values and driving philosophies.
The Medici as a family where a departue from the Church dominated mentallities of the Dark Ages, Cosimo de Medici being trained in the humanist philosophies of Plato was one of the first to back a blatent homosexual but brilliant artist such as Donatello for the shared love of human beauty and human potential personified in Donatello's David.
At the same time Cosimo (Who was the real powerhouse of the Medici line despite the larger popularity and fame of Lorenzo) banked for the Vatican and made vast profits from the European Tax House. This was channeled into wealth namely in the sponsorship of talented artists and architects. It was a corrupt tyrannical farce of a Republic but what is the worth of Leonardo's invention of the Technical Drawing (and also anatomical drawings) which underpin all Engineering and most Medical learning still today, or Christopher Columbus' Voyage to the New World, or Michaelangelo's dominance of artistic design or Machiavelli's treatise on statecraft, the foundation of politics (and blatently honest too) We'd still be peasents living in the Shadow of a Cathedral listening to sermons in latin about pretty boring and uninsightful shit.
As for why this period has a French name instead of an Italian one: France was the powerhouse Government of the time being able to call the Vatican to sit, Italy being broken into The Republics of Florence and Venice, Duchy of Milan, several Papal States and the King of Naples ruling below Tuscany. In short it was a shamozle. But the time and place to be alive.

A Corner for Tom

Where I decided I should start this blog was as far from the internet as you can probably get in Australia these days. Thankfully in my upbringing my parents found a camp ground they liked enough to take us back to year after year after year. When they sold the family farm it left us with a point for grounding still, a link back to our childhood.
So penetrating is the sanctuary that any other holiday does not really provide any rest by comparison.
It's beach and river and bush and desert in one place. I've seen sea eagles stalking eels, seals coughing on the beach and jumping waves, I've had red belly black snakes slither over my feet, goannas eat my garbage, bush mice crossing sand dune, sat and sketched the putrid rotting mass of a minkey whale (or whichever wale it was) had a stare out with a lyre bird and walked through more spiderwebs than I can remember.
I've had 12 New Years there. I've stared into a black canvas of stars and spotted crappy russian satellites orbiting the earth. I've grown full on lumberjack beards. I've held my shit in for four days straight for fear of the dreaded pit toilets.
I always reavaluate who I am and do new age shit I'm too ashamed to do in the city like tai chi, yoga, meditation.
Most of my time is spent just pacing up and down my river though (which isn't a euphamism for masturbation) for three hours at a time. And there is one universal conclusion one can come to in a place like this. Property developers are fuckheads and market forces can move against the interests of intellectual snobs like myself that believe a park like this should remain forever at my disposal for $10 a night when someone could build a resort and rent it to Russel Crowe for $1400 a night where he could make it look appealing to fuckhead sydneysiders.
Which is why if I were supreme overlord of existence I would live in the park and correspond with my fascist police force via ninja correspondents saying things like 'slap John Howard clean on the forhead' and 'tell dick cheney to shoot himself through the foot' and 'Cancel Rove Live.' from my secure Eutopia, except not European in any way.
But seriously its a beautiful place, I hope for your sake that maybe one day you'll find it and appreciate it.

What the fuck is a Humorist?

Seriously why would you ever call yourself that? Your the kid who loved drama and always tried to get involved in theatre sports teams, where described as 'zany' 'kooky' 'silly' but never actually funny. I pick up street mags, sunday mags and occasionally read those melbourne times and Mx features written by a 'Humorist' not a comedian someone who writes from a half arsed silly perspective that never actually makes me laugh.
Only the most sheltered cotton wool insulated individual could laugh and snort at these articles. Where did society discover a space for this demographic the 'Billy Connelly I don't like him one bit he uses foul language.' or 'Eddie Murphy delirious is just not my thing, give me the Cosby show and I can enjoy negro humour yes sir.' that's all I can imagine.
Is this what happens to you when you grow old and have kids. I don't want to live in this parralal society, this family friendly zone were gone are comedians in are humorists. Life is no longer a joke just depressingly humorous. And watching shows like deadwood and rome in the living room, are they gone when I have children because of their gratuitous use of the word 'cocksucker' because I know fouler language, and I was spraying this foul language around at age 6 when I hurt my wrist playing backyard cricket with my dad. My kids won't get a backhand for swearing just disrespecting, I hope to send them to a school where they meet a diverse enough range of kids that they might have a friend called Shayne (yes phoenetically spelt) who has a rats tail has tried smoking by twelve and in the schoolyard opens his sentences with 'fucking c#n$s blah blah' whether it be about the injustice of society or the weather he is talking about. If my kids going to try to be funny I'd like him to actually be funny, someone that people might come and see because their funny but because their topical might hear an opinion that wasn't already theire's like fans of Chris Rock and his 'black people vs. niggers' race war.
I don't want my kid to regurgitate mainstay opinions in an age sunday magazine that are slightly humorous and entirely unprovocative.
If my kid is a loser humorist I will just creep into their room and gently push a big soft pillow down on their face*.

*I'm kidding I'd just divorce them, change my name and get a restraining order taken out on them, and write as often as possible to media watch reporting their humorous comments as defametory accusations in legitimate journalism.

Ninjas and the Magical Land of Should

Ask a man why he bought a Porsche and he will say 'Superior performance, to enjoy the beauty of an engineering artwork that just eats up the road...' ask a man why his friend buys a porsche and he will say 'So that when he drives past things in short skirts will flick their hair in his direction.' Its the same in politics 'Weapons of Mass Destruction' instead of 'Personal Vendetta and profitable oil (possibly we just plain don't get arabs).'
When I'd exhausted all the Eastern Martial Arts philosophical texts like Sun Tzu and Musashi Miyamoto I started buying any old shit including a book called street ninja for its pure psychopath appeal. Ninjutsu is a vague and ambiguous are and certainly superfluous. 'Ninjas tend to roll when a few steps are all thats necessary, or to throw a gas bomb when you just need to ask the waiter for the bill.'
And this book certainly felt that people had to be prepared to negotiate their way through the urban battlefield endorsing unreasonable force to permanantly disable or kill an assailant. Which was bullshit but in my desire to learn more about ninja I bought another book called 'Mind Manipulation' that when I cracked the cover and read a quote from the author of 'Street Ninja' I was bitterly dissapointed.
But I persisted and it paid dividends. It was essentially a marketing test with different psychographic segmentation that dated from 'the east' but also looked at diverse references to lies and brainwashing too. And the key to manipulation is: personal consistency.
They sighted an example of a cop and good christian who's daughters at bible camp had been encouraged to come forward about the practice of Satanistic molestation. The girls made up pure bullshit but because the father refused to accept that his girls weren't good honest christians and trusted his colleagues that were questioning him he actually pleaded guilty to molestation and satanic practices and actually created his own false memories. He was sentenced to 8 years jail and couldn't be released (I don't know why) even after an expert established what had actually happened.
I don't know why but people like to appear consistent even when fundamentally we aren't. Vegetarians who wear leather, Sensitive New Age Guys that watch pornos.
Ultimately attempting to be consistent is a noble goal and a source of stress, simply because there's so many exceptions to the rules out there. I've got a core set of values and I value human life but when natural disasters like the tsunami and hurricanes and cyclones of the past year occur I can't really stand back and say they shouldn't have happened. Because it's the fucking weather and even if the global warming is the result of the human's interference with nature here I sit with a zillion consumer goods I can enjoy because of exactly how we have treated the earth.
My housemates can sit and watch PBS Newshour with Jim Learer because 'They go to pains to remain objective and unbiased in their newsreports' then watch SBS world news and then watch media watch and lateline and the 7.30 report until they may aswell get 'reality' injected directly into their veins.
Whis is a great personal battle but whenever I suggest we watch Today Tonight or A Current Affair - aka pure propaganda, they will leave the room and read a book about morality or some shit. This personal consistency got exploited by an ex housemate of mine by betting $50 the George W would be realected, one of my housemates insisted he knew what was really going on because he watched Newshour and took the bet. But what was really going on didn't mean shit because Newshour accounts for very little ratings wise amongst the people with the power to elect and Fox News counted for a lot. George Bush would never get elected in the magical land of should only in the regular land of is.
Personal consistency when it drives you to refuse to acknowledge that things like Today Tonight exist, drink drivers exist, people who cut in lines exist, wealthy people that employ friends ove more deserving candidates exist, fraud exists, exploitation of labor exists, vested interest exist becomes a very dangerous thing.
Things don't happen because they should, people make them happen. It's fine to watch and enjoy programs that already agree with your own world view whether it be Newshour or programs about 'Aussie Jobs going overseas' but don't sit there and think the world should agree with you, because it probably doesn't, Abe Lincoln the abolitionist said 'You can't please all the people all the time' there's just too many worldviews out their the difference is some people do something about making theirs happen, other people become philosophers and try and come up with the correct world view then don't use marketing to promote it whatever it is.
Morale of the story personal consistency means a lot of moral people refuse to use 'immoral marketing' to promote their cause whereas marketing is in fact 'impartial' look at Oxfam and the comedy gala! thumbs up to Hamish for becoming Marketing manager of No Sweat Shoes.

Life is Pain

My brother is a world of warcraft fan. Even though he points out all its shortfalls whenever I'm around I know he isn't cool. But he also showed me Pure Pwnage the adventures of the pwnerer (pronounced ownerer) documented on film. Jeremy sure gives the gamers stick and what a rich field of comic material gaming is. The problem is to laugh at gamer culture you have to admit some affinity with it.
Well yeah I've played RPG's, once I got up and someone was in the shower already so I sat down to play Prince of Persia the Sands of Time and my housemate gabby came in and opened the blinds revealing the dusk outside and also revealing the sad act to me that I'd gotten up at 8 and sat till 6.30 at night without eating and without moving from the couch. Just played Xbox all day.
RPG's are dangerous as when you level u your character you can gain just as much satisfaction from at as you can from real achievements. When people talk about 'online communities' where people supposedly meet, earn, get married and have virtual children, saltwater wells in my eye.
Because your not achieving shit, jack all. You just sit there and consume electricity in vast quantities that we produce by burning brown coal.
And your friends aren't real, just real losers.
I took pleasure in signing up my brother to the Fatal1ty newsletter. Fatility is meant to be the Babe Ruth sporting hero of Lan gaming even though he's world champion in 5 games nobody's ever heard of.
How did society get so disjointed? whats wrong with society? Well society understands perfectly well aware of these trends. Thats why theres money to be made, money to be made by people like me and you, nerds willing to turn on each other and cannibalise your own young.
Pure Ownage dealt with the MySpace phenomenon in its latest episode. The very issue of most concern to me in having a blog: Becoming some whining, whinging little dick who talks about why life is so hard etc.
Life isn't hard, its easy to forget being a caucasian male descended from the British Isles that I am a member of the most brutal, merciless, selfish race ever to populate the earth. And as such really have to learn to enjoy the fact that relative to other places and 'races' you can be born into I really want for very little.
Just by having access to the internet I have to be in the wealthiest minority of people alive.
Considering half the people that have ever lived are still alive today that's a pretty good headstart.
Life is pain and suffering for people who aren't me. I certainly know pain and suffering but in a whole different ball game that is much easier to deal with due to the resources I have at my disposal.
Life is sweet. The world is funny, and fun to be a part of. So I apologise if I've been to rightiously indignant on my blog. There's a lot of things that tick me off and get me angry, but it comes from a very condescending place in my heart.
Eat Popcorn, Drink Coke.

You've Got Balls

To the untrained eye the novels I digested this week could be noted for their distinct lack of balls. Lewis Carol's drug trip masterpiece 'Alice In Wonderland' and Sabine Dardenne's real life acount of being abducted by Marc Dutroux one Belgium's (gee Belgium is a funny name) most heinous paedophiles according to the blurb called 'I Choose to Live'.
Both heroine's have balls. (if Sabine can be called a heroine, she gave some poor guy who asked for her Autograph a roasting) Alice is trapped in a nonsense world and confronted by the Queen of Hearts and other more benign characters and she doesn't take any shit from them. I was always familiar with line's like 'there's plenty of room!' and other stuff but it wasn't till I re-read Alice in Wonderland that I saw how down to earth and in control Alice is with the whole universe. Ultimately she finds Wonderland fascinating and Fun but she sticks to the sensibilities of her upbringing through thick and then rendering her completely insane in Wonderland. The little madam enforces her reasoning on the world around her. Even if she is eating magic mushrooms, drinking absinth and smoking hookah the whole time.
She keeps her feet on the ground even with the simplest and most childlike objectives.
I hear Lewis Carole used to like photograph young girls in the raw, so I'm not sure how much he should be admired.
'I Choose to Live' I guess is just a horrific book. I read it in two days. I have to say I just can't imagine it suffice to say her description of the hidey hole in the cellar where the peadophile kept her in between 'his paces' that was the same rathole in which two girls had starved to death comes pretty much as close to a DIY incarnation of hell as I can imagine, like something out of Edgar Allen Poe's novels, you know the one where the guy chains up his friend and buries him alive behind a wall.
Sabine has reprints of letters she wrote to her family down the hole but omits the details of the rape she suffered (probably thankfully) as I don't think I could actually take reading it. It was something she endured for 80 days its a quick read and an important one I think, she's a year younger than me, that's fucking crazy.
She survived by standing up to 'the creep' shaming him, challenging him and repetatively demanding 'priveledges' like tooth brushes, clothes, coffee etc until he gave in.
She refers to herself as a stroppy madam. I don't really refer to the quality of having balls as a masculine quality as such. I like it because Selma Hayek who fills me with painful longings when asked by her mother when she was going to marry replied 'When I find a man with more balls than I do.' I use it in that mythical south american cajones sense as in "You got 'uge cajones padre"
I have male friends that I have derided with 'You have small, small balls.' and female friends that I offer really what amounts to my highest praise 'You've got balls' I try and use it independant of gender, just these mythical, metaphysical pair of testicles that are embodied in someones soul.
But take note! There was a book a bought a friend called 'You've Gotta Have Balls' that I bought a friend of mine (I think I already wrote about this in "Go Womyn") that she said wasn't any good and mostly about menopause. But I maintain that it was a best seller and the blurb had the following punch tastic punchy points:
Men Don't have arguements and hang up on the phone and not speak to each other for months
Men don't try and destroy eachother's career prospects in the workplace (which isn't true but they do tend to form blokey clubs and only compete when the advancement opportunities narrow down)
And several others of which I can't remember.
So what appealed to me? Admittedly masculine values in women have long been acknowledged in the term tom-boy and vice versa with the sensitive new age guy and the now all pervasive Metrosexual. The metrosexual that put us at risk of being overthrown by the subterranean crab people.
Admittedly testosterone in the media gets a shot in the arm every time a war brakes out and the obligatory coverage of redneck's telling us how cool their new 'anti-arab' (I probably shouldn't put that in quotation marks since I'm not quoting anyone) technology is.
But fact is there are 'manly' traits that should be shared between the genders and encouraged in general. It's hard to be clear about this, sexism really starts when you shove a useless My Little Pony in your daughters hands and a too cool transformer in your sons. The 'roles' that don't really exist but are merely reinforced by culture could be broken down. It would require a popular movement though as every boy who was into My Little Pony's turned out to be some kind of sexual miscreant, this can't be a stream of drops turning a bolder into a pebble over time kind of thing.
It needs to be enforced by Chairman Mao or something.
Anyway I like balls, there's nothing more attractive in a girl than metaphysical hairy boys, call it spunk if you like, or chutzpah, or integrity. I call it balls.
I mean they say you need balls to stand up to someone but nobody stands on testicles. They stand on feet which everyone has.
I think 8 in ten men (or 4 in 5 good work tom) would take a tomboy over a princess yet our society still produces girls that cry over broken nails, involuntarily sneer when taken to a shitty pub and generally of no use to anyone but stores trying to offload over priced shit. These princess' are portrayed as uppity bitches in every single teen movie and every other bit of western pop culture. Do girls just aspire to be this stereotype or does most of their energy get channeled into lying to themselves.
Anyway to demonstrate the disparity in the ideals I thought I'd include these lyrics from Lovage (featuring Mike Patton) the bold text is the female part but it identifies the simplicity of the male sexual ideal verses the many many roles projected on girls (I think to be honest this would have a cowboy and a pirate, possibly even a firemen but girls seem to have less choice in the sexual fantasy realm):
Sex (i'm a)

Dan, I need you now
Ok Mikey, come
Feel the fire
Feel my love inside you so bright

There's a sound and the smell of love on my mind
I'm a toy
Come and play with me, say work now
Wrap your legs
Around me ride me tonight
Sex, sex, sex

I'm a man
I'm a goddess
I'm a man
I'm a virgin
I'm a man
I'm a blue movie
I'm a man
I'm a bitch
I'm a man
I'm a geisha
I'm a man
I'm a little girl
I'm a man
And we'll make love together

Why does man go to hooker
First of all because
He quite often is not all that happy and sexual satisfied at home
His wife won't perform all the activities he has in mind
And most of all, oral sex is a taboo
The woman would say 'what do you think I am, a whore
I don't want to do that

Slip and slide when you're wet you like to feel the blood flow
Not to fast
Don't be slow my love's in your hands

I'm a man
I'm a boy
I'm a man
I'm you're mother
I'm a man
I'm a one night stand
I'm a man
I am a bi
I'm a man
I'm your slave
I'm a man
I'm a little girl
I'm a man
And we'll make love together

Most of them come to a hooker and say
My wife oh my wife is she dead in bed
She's frigid, cold as a starfish
They take off the pants
And their underpants
There's nothing more ridiculous than a guy with his party socks on
He dives into the bedroom
He says "Do me!", suck it !

Skin to skin
Honey hold tight
Come inside it's a passion play just for you
Let's get lost in the magic place alone now
Drink your fill from a fountain of love wet your lips

I'm a man
I'm a teaser
I'm a man
I'm a virgin
I'm man
I'm a one night stand
I'm a man
I'm a drug
I'm a man
I'm your slave
I'm a man
I'm a dream to find
I'm a man
And we'll make love together

I'm a man
I'm a goddess
I'm a man
I'm a hooker
I'm a man
I'm a blue movie
I'm a man
I'm a slut
I'm a man
Well i'm your babe
I'm a man
I'm a dream to find
I'm a man
And we'll make love together

We'll make love together
We'll make love together
We'll make love together
We'll make love together

Fuckin piece of shit
One little two little three little indians
Suck it firehose

Ghenghis Shmengis

Ghenghis Kahn makes me laugh. Documentaries like the one on SBS I saw last night make me angry and want to cry. More to the point they make me want to go to Texas, Ghengis style and conquer them and revel in giving lectures in Churches about how I am god's punishment sent to them for being so sinful.
Which is what Ghenghis used to do. He and his Golden Horde swept across Europe and south through China and India and the nomadic Khanate ended up becoming the worlds largest empire conquering most of the known world.
The pope in rome had always assumed Christianity ruled everywhere so he sent emissaries to Asia to have a chat with Prestor John, the Catholic Prestor they assumed ruled Asia.
People take so much for granted that I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where in one generation your culture can be brought to the knees of an entirely foreign culture.
A world where biggoted homophobic views might be crushed painfully under a bigger bully like Ghenghis Kahn, and the thing about Ghenghis was that he wasn't a bigger bully, mongolia didn't have and never has had the population to occupy and sustain an occupation of even China.
Most nations were simply subdued because the creativity and tactics of the Mongols where just far far superior.
Ghenghis set up an empire with true multiculturalism and his stance on religious practices wasn't tolerant it didn't have any qualms with any religion thus there were none it really had to tolerate.
The mongolian stance was 'There is but one god and many ways to worship Him' I don't think they were particularly PC.
Last night on this infuriating and disheartening documentary set in Luddon, Texas or some such backwater, a girl and a youth committee of some kind were trying to get proper sexual education brought in instead of the scaremongering pastor that ran a course called: 'Sexual Purity' about how abstinance was the only safe method of practicing sex and as such kids shouldn't even be taught about condoms, birthcontrol etc.
This pastor that ran the program and got all the kids to pledge they would maintain their sexual purity to their parents, god & their future wife or husband that they hadn't even met yet.
The arguements were weak and the program wasn't working given the statistical occurances of STD/STI and teen pregnancies and all that. Which doesn't surprise me at all.
The stats they were mouthing on 'the dangers of homosexual lifestyle...all cons no pros to homosexuality...most homosexuals die by the age of 40.' they probably do in Texas because they get murdered by members of God hates Faggots.
But this fucktard was talking about how Christianity and Liberal go together like oil and water, how christianity was the least tolerant religion in the world. Where do they get off mouthing pig ignorant shit like this.
The biblical references to homosexuality are flimsy at best, homophobia is a new phenomena that came in at some point past the prestige of homosexuality in some of the more successful empires and civilizations than current day, the greeks, the romans, the mongolians etc. homophobia has been introduced into Japan since the Meiji restoration. Samurai warrior code, Shintoism and Buddhism had nothing to do with it.
Furthermore Jesus' message was love and tolerance. The most awesome thing ever said by a priest was 'I can't believe that God would make a love that wasn't beautiful.' I don't believe in God at all, but tolerance (and it shouldn't even be tolerance, but out and out love) is a central Christian virtue isn't it.
All these priests and influential conservatives were argueing that condoms were only 87% effective (which is bullshit) and thus shouldn't be taught. But driving is dangerous and they weren't arguing to abstain from driving. They weren't arguing that fossil fuel usage could drastically shorten the life span of the entire human race.
I'm just sick of these offensive people existing. To discourage seiges Ghenghis Kahn used to cut off the ear of every vanquished citizen that put them under siege, whereas towns that submitted without resistence were alowed to continue on as ever so long as they now paid their taxes to the mongolian empire.
Christianity needs to show some appreciation to all the people in history who have allowed them to exist when they could have been crushed because they tolerated diverse opinions on religion, It is easy to forget that Christianity was a small struggling community on the verge of collapse until Emperor Constantine required every member of the Roman empire to be Christian by law.
Organisations like 'God hates faggots' should not be allowed to exist Jesus fucking Christ if that isn't using the lords name in vane.
Ghenghis Kahn was brutal, ruthless and the creator of biological warfare by catapulting plague infested corpses into cty walls (the black plague killed 1 in 3 Europeans). But he was funny too, in the smart arse sense, he imposed his rule on more people than ever has been but not his views and lifestyle choices. He is apparantly our most common ancestor, the definitive alpha male and sustained a unified empire (one that could have easily been overthrown in mass revolt) by allowing autonomy over religious beliefs, production and culture. All he asked was to eat off of plates made of pure gold and to have more wealth than was ever necessary.
Before he died Ghengis consulted a Shaman to see if there was any known means by which he could live forever, when the Shaman said it was a no go he resolved himself to drinking and being merry and let his faithful Batu go on conquering Europe.
The catholic church was on it's knees and france, germany, spainand britain were sure to fall, But Batu and forces had to withdraw due to the untimely death of Ghenghis. Could we possibly have missed out?
(I mean we obviously missed out on Communism thank god).