Seahorse

It's the morning of the 17th or 18th of March 2008. I was woken by a belltower in a lime green bedroom and having had rain pour and bash wooden window shutters through the night I come to terms with the fact that I have woken up in the most beautiful city in the world.
The city is Venice. It is also the most expensive city in the world. Infact it's not so much of a city as a historical theme park. But as packed with tourists as Venice is, it is still beautiful. Think on that, it is the architectural equivalent of a women that is still beautiful even when covered with puss blowing pimples.

I have to leave though, out of sheer economic necessity. But the day before I saw something, and today I had decided to buy it. It was a gift, a gift for somebody I didn't know, nevertheless I knew that they would love it. So I stretched and yawned and packed my things, dumped my bags with the crabby hotelier and asked if it was okay to come back for Rosante (my bicycle)... God I miss Rosante, she got me in so much fucking trouble and caused more misery than anyone else in my life. But the joy she gave me was exhilirating, she constantly made all the abuse worthwhile.

Nevertheless, my travel guide says everyone gets lost in Venice. But really I didn't find it that hard to navigate. I wasn't so lost as the store that was selling the thing that I had decided to buy had somehow gotten itself lost.
I didn't want to lose the daylight, but I started convincing myself that I was insane...

Eventually though I found it, where it was actually supposed to be, it just had odd opening hours. I bought the item and literally fled Venice, chasing the sunset like Van Helsing's final pursuit of Dracula.

What I bought was a Venetian glassiers seahorse-necklace. I bought it for my next girlfriend.

One could point out that this was way back in 2008, and I still haven't given that necklace to anybody. Was I being hopelessly optimistic? Was I being unreservedly arrogant? Or was I just being pragmatic?

I think the latter, because over the years I have come to terms with who I am, and how I meet women.

I've tried, dammit, I've tried to just pick up girls, because I can at a party and as most people put it just 'have some fun' and these have been the great disasters of my romantic career. The worst was just an unpleasant experience, the best I ended up caving and landing in a relationship and then found myself trapped in the relationship under duress.

But I concluded that my first instinct was right, and I am just one of those all or nothing people. Not one of those morons that believes in the 'one' and proposes on the first date, but one of those people that doesn't see the point in a one night stand.

I think for the friends that inexplicably care that I'm single, and have now been single for 2 years or so, they view my sex life in the context of their own behaviour. They know as I know that I could always throw on some decent clothes, put some gel in my hair and all importantly lower my standards and pick up some 'nice' girl.

Me though, I don't see the point. I've always preferred the occasional girlfriend that meets my standards and the 1 or 2 year relationship that follows, than a long succession of girls I date simply because I can and the belief that getting laid regulalry is a dietary requirement.

True, lonely people do tend to be the ones that send bombs in the mail and shoot people from bell towers, but I don't feel lonely. Instead, I'd rather be alone than have company from the wrong person.

There's actually a good analogy in finance (sadly) that is you have two kinds of investors. One that consistently bets everything they have for 2-3% gains, but they get the small rewards continually and consistently and project outwardly an image that they are doing well. Then you have the rarer investor that bets small amounts on high risk ventures that consistently lose 100% of the principal (small though it is) but occasionally once every 10 years or so, they win big like 10,000% gains.

So you have the norm which is a steady stream of good, with the occassional complete dissolution, divorce, break-down of a marriage etc. Then you have my kind, that quietely lead our singular lives, then occassionally meet somebody sensational.

Mayhaps now I need to address my 'standard' that I've mentioned or clarified what I mean by sensational...

I have reason to suspect that a few people think of me as 'unconventional' it doesn't matter what that actually means, just that they do. But to me I seem completely conventional. My way of thinking and seeing and doing are all entirely consistent and I've never known any other way.

To demonstrate what I mean, my dear friend Amrish one day was trying to pick 'what type of car I'd drive' he couldn't imagine it but he guessed something that looked like this:


I can't remember what exact model it was, but it was so off my pulse that there isn't much point in remembering what it was (since I'd never buy one).

To be honest, I was more bemused than offended, but offended none-the-less. I get more offended when somebody tries to set me up with somebody 'unconventional' with the girls Bryce tried to set me up with in high-school, I got the impression he was genuinely trying to offend me, but a lot of people assume that I would be into someone akin to a suicide girl.

Which again I find offensive. So while I could say to you my standard is 'they are interesting' it could be misleading, because people find all kinds of things interesting where I find them boring, or desperate or sad.

My one clue I could give is that I'm not looking for somebody 'unconventional' per se, as I'm looking for somebody 'unsophisticated' it characterises most of my significant others even if it wasn't the dominant characteristic - whether it was Chan's greeting 'oi!' or Claire's snorting laugh or Misaki's habbit of saying 'oh fuck.'

That is what I find interesting. Just somebody relaxed, low maintenance and natural. Somebody who isn't depressing to hang around, and there's nothing more depressing than sophistication.

And my job is getting harder, thanks largely to the spread of T-bar, and threadless and designery designer clothing, everyone is 'unconventional' now and thus a potential decoy. Parties are now caked with people to talk to that i don't want to (at least not in a flirtatious way).

The fact is I don't know who meets my standard until I talk to them, so I can't spot them, I don't know where they are or where they go, what they eat or drink. So I have resigned myself to not looking, just trying to meet new people where I can and eventually some girl will crop up.

Importantly though, there's no way I can increase my productivity in this department, I just simply have to be receptive and hope they show up.

If/When they do I will give them a necklace*.

*though it's not like I have it in my pocket at all times, I imagine I'll wait 2-3 weeks minimum before digging it out. I also have a habit of commencing relationships with people 2-3 weeks before their birthday. This may not be accidental, so I just kind of assumed next time would be no different.