Pocket Money

I'm reading this book Claire recommended to me (i think, maybe she just mentioned she liked it and I decided to read it in order to judge her...) It's called 'How Much Is Enough?' and it is a good book.

Sure the language is a bit overly 'accessable' and thus I feel like the authors think I'm a moron. The also have diagramatic metaphores that I've never been a fan of, yet nonetheless are popular even with Jim Collins 'fly-wheel of success' so to does this book have a 'bridge of wellbeing' neither help me actually remember the components - note to business authors reconsider if these diagrams are necessary.

Anyway they have these reflections, and interestingly they talk about things in the second chapter like - our attitudes towards money are often shaped by the time we are 10, parents are more comfortable talking about sex to their children than money. blah blah blah.

Fascinating, when you think about it, it makes sense, I'd just never thought about it. You know the Anthropic principal? That no matter how unlikely the odds of the universe producing life may seem they are non-zero because we, the observers are alive and thus can conclude that the universe produced life. Well a child can probably conclude by their existence that their parents know how to have sex. However they can't conclude that their parents know what to do with money or how to make it. Infact the worse people are at making and spending money the more children they are likely to have. (statistically speaking).

But in the reflections I answered the questions, the funny thing is that I have known for at least 10 years that a big part of my personality was defined by my parents treatment of money. Never mind the questions my answers are as follows:

1. My parents never had a consistent or effective pocket money scheme.

2. Talking about wealth, particularly other peoples incomes was a taboo. My parents only referred to their own income as 'comfortable', which is code for 'uncomfortable'.

3. My brother and I, and to a lesser extent (I suspect) my sister had a natural built in immunity to group-think/peer pressure.

Now let me elaborate.

Firstly, from the age of 12 or whenever pocket money is supposed to start till my first paying job age 20, I made no money. My income was annual and ivolved a few sums of $20 or so for my birthday that effectively cashed me up for the year. My first and second years of uni I got by on maybe $1000 a year given that my parents were paying for my accomodation and food at college.

So most of my life has been relatively free of money. I don't feel thrifty or whatever, I justr don't value money much.

Most importantly, there was no real causal link between doing chores (work) and earning pocket money. We worked and then most of the time there was no pocket money. I suspect a working pocket money system was on my parents 'to-do' list and I think they tried (unsuccessfully) to set up a scheme 3 times a year.

But in my mind, mowing the lawn and washing the car etc. was just shit that I had to do (not necessarily, that needed to be done) and the primary pay off was that Janice would stop nagging me.

I can't say for certain that 'as a result' but certainly I don't work for money now. I work to work. I get money as a means to an end and it has never been the case that I earned less than I needed, I always earn more than I intend to spend.

Second, talking about other people's wealth was a taboo, this one is hazier for me to entertain causal links. I do think there will be a general generational inversion though, that is if your parents were poor by choice or circumstances, their children will care more about money, because their parents never had it. If your parents are rich (like mine, relatively speaking) then you will probably see the pursuit of wealth for wealths sake as a tremendous waste of your life (like I do).

I think though on the positive the taboo of discussing wealth had the positive repurcussion of not comparing myself and my situation to others. Surprisingly, my later (as in present) lack of anxiety as to keeping up with the Jones seems to have been compensated for by Janice. At one point I actually banned her from discussing matters financial with me because she was constantly dredging up the loser kids of other parents that were supposedly earning more than me.

Recently it has stopped, because it probably goes without saying that almost everyone my age Janice knows is earning more than me.

At first though it was fun to spite Janice with questions like 'but how much would Andrea pay to be me instead of her?' and then eventually 'listen Janice I don't give a fuck.' till finally I was like 'You're banned from talking about my salary with me.'

People don't believe me when I say it, but nevertheless I hold it to be true - I didn't know how much I was earning by the time I ended with Honda. I knew though that I saved about $350 a week, and that for every 3 days I worked I could afford to take 1 day off. Not surprisingly then, it was pretty easy to live overseas for a year with no new source of income. I think if there is a useful basis of comparing your own income to other people's compare saving ratios. Apparantly 7% is pretty good. I still save about 30%.

Now when my parents used the code 'comfortable' to answer childrens questions as to whether we were 'poor or rich' that is much vaguer as to the effect they had on us. Our material surroundings and opportunities (relative to our peers) told me we were rich. My parents behaviour told us we were poor. And their obvious discomfort over the question suggests they were never really comfortable with their financial position.

For my Dad's part he is addicted to work. Work is his second family and I never really cared about it except when it was treating him bad. He needs work to feel happy and if thats what it takes then he should do as much as possible.

Janice I'm sure is just pathologically afraid of being poor. I'd almost recommend she takes my 'Europe' treatment of just turning up in Nuerenberg with no money and trying to survive for three days. I'm sure she would, and I'm sure she would be significantly less afraid of being poor even for a temporary and artificial 3 day experience.

Crucially though, I am more afraid of being afraid of money, than I am of not having money. Thus if there is any aversion passed onto me - it is the fear of an ongoing financial commitment. I'm not so worried about kids for example. I know my kids stand a fair chance of being able to game the VCE system whether at public or private school. Whatever income I lack the social state steps in.

I'm more afraid of mortgages and shite. I would much prefer a rental system I can walk away from with inconvenience than a mortgage situation that will take years off my life with the stress it causes and locks me into a job.

Thirdly, I'd conclude that my parents did a good job of raising myself and that if you have kids don't give them money and don't ruthlessly reinforce that you only work when you get paid. (getting paid for work is a 'happy accident' in my book.)

Except, my brother was born with Aspergers, I have been what marketers call an 'opinion leader' (if not having any actual followers) and my sister no doubt shares traits and values with both of us I just suspect that peer pressure for girls is far more brutal than the relative non-event it is for boys.

What I mean is that my brother was largely oblivious to social situations, thus 'fitting in' was just something he couldn't comprehend, and bullying a strange phenomena that seemed to happen to him for reasons he couldn't understand.

For me if I turned up in shabby opshop clothing I buy once a year on casual day and people said I looked ridiculous I'd just say 'so what' or 'shut up faggot'. I did far more picking on people in high school than I got picked on, (at least to my face, and if it happened behind my back, I didn't care about it).

My sister I didn't pay attention to in high school so I just don't know.

The point is, my experiences may be non-transferrable, even to my own kids. I may produce offspring that inherit the behavioural preferences of their mother who may be susceptible to peer-pressure. Thus I have a teenage girl that commits suicide because I deprived her of the money she needed to buy the clothes to fit in with the in-crowd in order to avoid vicious bullying.

I don't know. Thus I don't know which way is better. Differen' strokes for differen' folks and all that shit.

I do feel that compared to a hypothetical 'average' man/woman, my attitude towards money affords me luxuries not enjoyed commonly. I'm not afraid of having no money, as most of my life has been spent this way. I will never choose a job based solely on compensation, and thus have wider career prospects. I won't get trapped into a mortgage or debt servicing arrangement, so I will always be able to walk away from work situations I don't like, or move town, city, country as the whim (and visas) see fit.

I'm more likely to make an objective and intellectual investment choice, rather than racking up transaction costs following the herd. And more likely to take risks than somebody wanting to hedge their bets because I'm not afraid of losing money or going backwards, I can deal with greater levels of uncertainty.

I don't say these to boast, and I believe them to be easy advantages for anybody to obtain. It just requires conscious thought and reflection to deprogram your emotional impulses.

Your attitude to money has been conditioned into you by people who were afraid to talk openly about it and had little knowledge and it all happened before you were 10. Would you let a 10 year old control your finances?