Things that fuck me off right now

Prams. They come out of the woodwork during christmass shopping season, and its one of those times when I sympathise with dividing society into family friendly and normal people. Prams used to be little aluminium bars and a canvas thing for pushing your kids around in. Now they have wheels the size of my head, take up three square city blocks each and contain what I don't know... cans and cans of pedophile repellant.
I know the arguements, like you need it for nappies and sanitation. But clearly the double decker monstrosities can now pack so many 'necessities' you are really preparing to be ambushed in the middle of the desert by counterinsurgencies.
Prams fuck me off because stuff that was annoying before like people stopping to talk to eachother at the entry to an escalator for example becomes 3 times more annoying. And it doesn't help that pram design has turned into such a self indulgent statement. Here is how I would design a pram.


You only get one spare nappy because the days of lounging around in a cafe for 8 hours are behind you. This is a device for mobility so you at least as a parant are not a house bound slave. It only has two wheels and a little stand thing so you can prop it up while you fish out your wallet or something. The two wheels mean it can ideally be held upright so that as a unit you have only a slightly enlarged footprint than normal like having a backpack or whatever. It also means you aren't dependant on help every time you hit a staircase or try to get on a tram to go to the zoo. You just hoik the whole thing up and down because it isn't carrying your baby heart monitoring device, emergency iv fluid or baby defibrilator. It also doesn't have space for your counter terrorist gas masks or ground-to-air portable rocket launcher.

I guess it stems from a long seeded theory as to why prams bother me so much. I believe in moral universality. That is treat other people how you would treat yourself. In my current circumstances if a ship was sinking and there wasn't enough room in a lifeboat, I'd probably regret and be haunted for the rest of my days if I pulled a young man out of the boat and smashed his face into a wet, red pulpy mess of teeth, bone and grissle in order to clear room for myself. Instinctively its pretty bad to be so self centered and elevate myself in importance above my fellow man. No doubt it would be a dilemma for all unless...

Unless you were a parent, when your a parent it's okay to be selfish and greedy on behalf of your child. Society in general condems people for seeking every advantage fair or unfair for themselves but condones it if seeking it for a child. A mother apparantly is at perfect rights to grind up someones face into a sickening soup in order to look out for their child. But everybody is somebodies child and I think just because yours is dependant doesn't mean you have the right to go about like a self righteous arsehole.

And right now there's nothing more self righteous than the latest development in monstrosity prams. Our whole civilization thus far has managed to survive without them. Why are they so fucking big? And why do people believe they are entitled to the same mobility and lifestyles as they were before they were responsible for another human being.

It just makes me