"This is awkward" and other things I should have said

I bike store is a kind of sanctuary, I understand them, they make sense. I trust bike stores, I trust the staff.
My personal favorite is Ray's Bicycles Brunswick which is a bit far away now. So I usually go to BSB or whatever they are in the CBD. It's overpriced but I imagine so is their rent. I needed to buy new brakes because I had stopped trusting mine and thus started travelling slow in that great paradox of speed: brakes allow you to go faster.
So I went in, and the three clerks I guess you'd call them were standing around having a chat. I was acknowledged, then I interupted the guy to ask him where brakes are. He recommended the cheapest, I stared perplexed for a couple of seconds, then figured I'd figure out how to install them. I told the dude I'd 'take these ones' and then he asked me if I just needed the pair or whether I grab both.
So I just decided to change both over, guy doubled his revenues and I realised much sooner that a pack of two would cover front or back brakes but not both, because frankly I had brain freeze from a particularly frozen slurpy I had wolfed down in order to enter the store and not look like a moron.

Of course I ended up entering the store and behaving like a moron, but appearances count.

Anyway I've finally decided to replace my crappy suspension based nikes that I'm pretty sure I only bought so I could install that running ipod feature that I found out was only compatible with the nano and was so outraged that I would be required to be a 'nanofag' who listened to less than 120 songs on rotation whilst doing exercise more for show than to seriously hurt myself...

I lost control of that sentance so I'll just move on.

Anyway I went into Hype DC or whatever which had a 'help wanted' which turned out to be more like 'help needed' which is something clever I could have said if anybody was there to listen to me.

I did the 360 of the store to check out what was on offer shoewise and found that the world of sneakers is a strange and confounding world where I have no idea how to avoid buying sneakers that will make me look like a wanker.

It's been a long time since I last bought a pair of shoes I couldn't wait to scuff the fuck up so they looked shitty and old. Alas the class of '08 is just that uninspirational. The past couple of shoes I have enjoyed immensely until they turned fucking shit brown and started smelling liek sweat. I remember before that having cons and other great shoes that I loved more for their ability to go brown and smell like sweat.

Anyway I identified a number of shoes that were suitably black with enough colour to satisfy my wear bright colours policy and looked to the guy behind the counter to enquire about sizes and trying shit on and so forth.

Guy was having what struck me as a personal conversation. If not a personal conversation a very gossipy and protracted work related call. Recaling he had been on the call (or perhaps a different call) since I walked in, I waited what seemed like 2 or 3 minutes then turned my attention to a more distant staffer.

We made eye contact and I waved. Her response seemed...well positive acknowledgement. I figured she'd figure that I had some kind of enquiry. Anyway the wave/acknowledgement manouvre went so well, I decided to cross the floor to talk to her, because why the fuck should she come to me.
I walked up and was I think saying something like 'hi...' when she went back to what I presume must be some kind of stocktake or some shit. So I thought 'ah, she's just checking this one to save her place.' Just like I might finish a paragraph and fold the corner of a page in a book I'm reading.

But she just continued. 'exc...' I attempted to say. Now I was nervous though, had I missed something in the wave/aclnowledgement exchange. In my haste to cross over with my enquiry had she said 'I can't help you.' or something like that?

So I stood there for what must have been 30 seconds. Waiting for some acknowledgement. She though seemed to become more and more absorbed in looking at the list and turning and inspecting shoes.

I looked over at the dude behind the desk and he was quite involved in his conversation.

I presume I furrowed my brows and thought 'fuck this, fuck them and their families' and decided to walk out and find shoes elsewhere.

I later realised that rather than the 'you should have been more assertive, demanded at least an answer' which someone could say, but fuck? is that what retail has come to? A need for assertive customers?

Anyway I realised I should have just said 'this is awkward' to name the emotion in the room, the predicament the two lazy ass sunday staffers had created between them.

I just mention this because I have long been a vocal opponent of the American concept of good service, which is where retail staff won't quit offering to help me. It's why I hate using the catalogue at Borders, because some fucking staffer will ask me if I need help.

If I needed help would I try the catalogue first? Am I searching for your location on the computer? Fuck off, I'm trying to help myself.

In America it is worse. Borders staff wander the store and interrupt me when I'm trying to read to ask if I need help. There I should have said 'yes can you read this aloud to me?'

Anyway, Hype is like the opposite of that extreme, where they go to such extensive effort to avoid bothering a customer that they simply pretend customers don't exist.

Obvoiusly I had always thought there was a finite limit on how far this ideology could go because at some point the customer has to pay for the goods.

Evidently I'm missing something. Maybe I'm supposed to just pick up two different sizes of two different pairs of right shoes throw my money over the counter and run out without trying to bother the staff.

I used to be with it....(;_;)