Matrix Bonanza! Working & Dating

Somebody asked me for a recommendation of a good career counsellour. I immediately launched into a know-all rant which I doubt is helpful, but I also realised that this blog is the place for me to self indulgently rant. Also an opportunity to throw in another matrix.

When considering your career options I advocate an a-priori self centered approach. I arrived at this approach from my approach to dating.

WARNING! My approach to dating both IS and ISN'T for everyone. What I mean is based on my advice results may vary.

Let's kick off! Basically the methodology for dating which is much hotter to talk about than careers is underpinned by the founding assumption that - there is no universal answer.

It isn't like say Tennis Rankings, where if Pete Sampras loses this or that tournament he is then overtaken by Andre Agassi. It isn't an objective rigorous heirarchy. I never want to devote any effort to analysing 'hottest' lists but I would guestimate that it has more to do with the recency of the last quality exposure.

I've labored this point too much, what I'm saying is that beautiful people are a dime a dozen, there are at least more than 100 you can vote for who have fame, money and celebrity.

BUT

Many people subscribe to a belief that this then forms some kind of dating heirarchy. A model that works by: Angelina Jolie is number 1, so every guy in the world tries to get with her, Brad Pitt is the number 1 guy, so he gets her. Then the number 2 is the next person most like Angelina Jolie so let's say John Voit is the number 2 girl you can get with. So then the no 2 is the guy who looks most like Brad Pitt. In Ocean's 11 Matt Damon could be described as 'the poor man's Brad Pitt' so logically under a strict dating hierarchy we would expect to see John Voit and Matt Damon cuddling up.

Doesn't happen, but yet these celebrities sponsor an entire industry of products and expectations built around a 'universal preference' such as everybody wants to get with a girl like Angelina Jolie, so everybody should emulate Brad Pitt. And vice versa.

Now I didn't idly choose Angelina Jolie, it just so happens that do to repititious viewings of both Heat and more significantly Deliverance, I cannot actually stand to look at Angelina Jolie. All I see is John Voit, her facial structure is too identical it's just too disturbing. And then all I can think of is some toothless hillbilly raping a fat man up the arse while fantasizing about a pig.
Here it is:



Maybe you can sympathise with me now.

So I wouldn't want to emulate Brad Pitt, because I would be living a constant reminder of one of the few scenes in a movie I've ever come across that just plain makes me sick.

And here at last I arrive at my dating strategy: just be yourself. And don't just be yourself: Insist on being yourself. Whilst up front this may seem like a stupid idea, I do believe that ultimately the dating game is about rejection not acception. This should be the default mindset!

Reject, reject, reject.

If the default answer wasn't no. We would have two dozen mismatched relationships in every bar outing. We always reject the general public and usually hone in on one person.

Make it simple for some one to hone in on you, the real you. For example, me...

I love Basketball, I like Batman enough to hate 99% of his incarnations (my favorite is Adam West's). I think a man's choice in facial hair is no business of their sexual partners. My face, my choice. I could go on, but this suffices.

In my vague impressionistic sense wearing an impeccable suit to cup day with a neat faux-hawk and being clean shaven is probably a good way to pick up the ladies. Many retail outlets would encourage this belief.

It would probably work, which is a problem. The lady I attract has gotten with me under the false pretense that I actually like to wear suits, can be bothered shaving, and enjoy attending glamorous events like the Melbourne Cup.

I have two options, devote tremendous effort to preserving the lie in order to get laid or just give up and go back to the other things that make my life enjoyable.

Alternatively, I could just go to no effort at all, be me, go to the occasional party my friends put on and occasionally and unpredictably I come across someone who just finds me interesting.

This is the beautiful thing about the dating scene, there are lot's and lots of people in the world, alive and different. There is almost no reason for us to compete over mates, unlike say a Sea cow needs to because they bread with the entire harem.

Over the years I have had a number of sexual partners, my average relationship probably lasts around at least a year (some longer, some shorter) and I'm fairly certain I've had more sex (albeit far less partners) than some of my more attractive and promiscuous friends who have to do things like wait for the weekend to pick up.

Sure you have to wait for an opportunity of two people that find eachother interesting and attractive enough to hook up and want to get to know better. But these rare incidents have proved to me far more rewarding than those occasions where I've cashed in on my athletic physique and golden curly locks in highschool in order to hook up with someone hot but of little common interest and for that matter little different interest.

And lastly a job is just like this. Be yourself, as much yourself as you can be. This is the secret to avoiding both painful careers you hate and painful relationships with partners you secretly hate.

It's the horstman's matrix: You have two good outcomes and two bad outcomes.

Accept Reject
Be Yourself (^-^) (^-^)

Be Someone Else (;_;) (;_;)

So if you are yourself when you go for a job and they accept you, it means the company and manager probably share your outlook in life and career ambitions. If they reject you it means the companies values differ from you fundamentally and THIS IS ALSO A GOOD OUTCOME.
If you pretend to be someone else and get the job, it may seem good in the short term but in the end you have landed a job that requires you to keep lying every day. It's going to drain you, drive you insane and eventually drag everyone down. You may even get fired.
Worst of all (apparantly) if you be someone else 'play the game' and get rejected, you'll never know if it was that person right for you.

Same same for dating, surely the worst outcome would be for you to forego wearing your slayer shirt in order to wear a salmon coloured polo ralph lauren number with jeans and those white shoes italian kids and fuckheads wear. You go out and meet one of those uber hot goth girls in a moth eaten slayer shirt who has the pig tails and horn rimmed glasses combo going AND doesn't wear make up and she turns you down because you look like a complete tool.

You only get one chance to make a first impression, make it one you can maintain.

Okay so maybe this wasn't a matrix bonanza, it is I'm fairly certain the second time I've used a matrix to illustrate a point. This other post was fairly well recieved too.