This just makes me sick

Hello, I've been away a while. yes, and what a while it has been. An impressive 645 km with a new one day benchmark of 139km which is the ineffecient distance on bycicle from Brussels to some town called Dounai.
It seems lady luck was out on said day. My hostel booked out in Brussels I remarked when trying to extend 'fine I'm sick of this shitty country anyway' and rode off torwards Tournai. An easy 80km or so. Except I got lost, I figured Belgium was a country that was small enough to make it impossible to actually get lost, and as it turned out I never actually was lost weaving across a grid, I just felt like it. I also felt like I had abundant daylight so stopped to read a chapter of my book at lunch instead of not stopping for lunch at all.
Then I got to Tournai, a small town close to the french border and seemed like a sleepy little place on edge of both country and offseason.
I found the hostel though was on the other side of what seemed to be a fair, and possibly the biggest event of the year, and so at 8pm I was advised to head for the border if I wanted to find some accomodation. What I should have done was camped in some field somewhere, but after having done that in the Netherlands I wasn't eager to repeat so soon, and somehow amazingly managed to ride 39km to Donai before sunset. This did however leave me completely dehydrated to the point where I was wiping salt grains off my forehead instead of sweat. This I will come back to.
After arriving in 'civilization' I set about finding a bed for the night.
Unlike everywhere else in Europe the street signs weren't very friendly or instructive for this purpose. Figuring I may as well gun for Paris on train I headed to the train station.
Here I met two youths and a bum, none of whom could speak any english but a managed to pronounce 'youth hostel' in french and the two youths quite warmly and charitably set out with me to find accomodation.
Unwelcomingly the bum also followed.
At the first hotel which turned out to be 70 euro for one night to which I balked and said I'd rather ride into oncoming traffic in the dark than pay that the bum reached into my pocket and I slapped his hand away and he claimed he'd been looking for a cigarette.
The next time he tried with more effort and less pretext and so I broke his fucking thumb. I grabbed it by its shaft and set about destroying it when he let go and backed off.
In retaliation he threw his cigarette butt at me which burned the tag of my cycling shirt zipper but overall I was elated by the experience of justifiably hurting a fellow human being.
This left me paranoid though through the rest of my trip through france, largely because if you haven't been you may not realise, and if you have been you may be able to distinguish, but just about every man over 30 in france looks homeless.
So France in my book is the creepiest country by far. I also had to shake off a bum that was doing a poor job of following me by running away.
And then I escaped france and am in Barcelona, which is a relative paradise. Even the few english people here don't bother me as much as other places.
Except the moment I arrived, literally I came down with kidney stones.
Kidney stones are worse than the Holocaust, or to put it less controversially the only way Hitler and the Holocaust could have been worse, would have been the addition of kidney stones into the equation somewhere.
I have stones to give birth to, and was wondering is there anything in the world that could make someone feel worse than this? and the answer is yes. Yes there is.
It is this write up in the age that poses a question that I guess is supposed to be rhetorical. But I find it easy to answer: not very.
Fuck, its like the author doesn't watch Summer Heights High and We Can be Heroes and think 'hang on this is like that "Little Britain Show"' and ponder the deeper question of how brilliant someone has to be to watch a BBC show and then just copy the idea substituting poorer Australian talent. Nor did they note that it is like the 5th or 6th comedy of fucking throwtogether character based comedy. Similar to when the networks went on the bender that produced 'Skithouse' and all those other memerable masterpieces. Maybe Chris Lilly has more longevity because the ABC would splutter and die without it, but fuck, he doesn't need anyone jerking him off for him.
And so I imagine if I read all 5 FUCKING PAGES of said article I would feel worse than the kidney stones but they are still in my system and I'm going to down some more painkillers now.

Note to cyclists: drink plenty of water.