Plush

At the RYLA reunion 2006(???) one of the camp coordinators spoke about how RYLA had changed her life. I was struck by her referring to several incidents of crisis that left her shut in her room thinking the world was a cruel and unfriendly place. I couldn't imagine anything so surprising ever happening to me, to imagine that suddenly my view of the world would shift so drastically as to result in a crisis.
Yet crisis I have had, and as a result very little sleep. I've been cruising along pretty cosy thus far on my self proclaimed 'warriors pilgrimage' but yesterday it all got to me, so I did what anybody would do, and climbed a mountain and listened to 'The Stone Temple Pilots' to make myself feel even worse. And almost immeadiately I felt much better.
The outcome of it all, was that yesterday was infact, a great day by all accounts. I hiked up a beautiful mountain, sat under a corragated roof in the rain, talked for 3 hours with my protoge and caught up on all sorts of news and managed I hope to have been again of more help to advancing her career.
I went to dinner at a fast food joint called Coco's who make curry, they are a franchise all over Japan. Takamatsu is a very friendly town. It is particularly good to be foreign in this town, because unlike Tokyo, Osaka or even Nagoya, foreigners are still a bit of a novelty. I see 1 or 2 other whiteys a day but I also get customarily asked 'may I sit here' in restaurants by teenagers wanting to talk to me at lunch and practice their english.
Up until Takamatsu the friendliest people I met in Japan was an Indian guy called mark who talked to me while waiting for my meal in Tokyo.
But at Coco's the waiter asked me how long I had been in Takamatsu in english and I responded in Japanese. I told her one week choosing to take her question literally which I realised was not her intention when she followed it up with 'how come your Japanese is so good?' obviously she had assumed that people only come to Takamatsu because they are forced to but I replied that long ago I had been an exchange student and then told her her english was really good. All in Japanese.
This lady was middle aged, short, dumpy, terrible teeth and one of the most beautiful people in Japan. She was really puffed up with pride at my compliment. And later in plain view I observed her ask her boss if she could talk to me when I had to pay for my meal.
And she really made me feel important. Her timing couldn't have been better really, because my crisis all oriented around Miki, from reading Straitjacket society, I was almost filled with horror at the viciousness of Japanese groupism, and insider/outsider status. I have alluded before that whilst in Toyota I became self consciouss that almost everything I was reading or discussing about Japan was bad. But overall my feelings were ill founded not to suggest that groupism in Japan isn't vicous, but that I was actually getting on my hosts nerves by talking about problems all the time. Almost everyone I have met in Japan have really been what makes Japan tolerable, they are like most human beings I find, sharp, thoughtful, caring and mature. They take the embarrasment of the construction state with good grace and humility, they engage in conversation and generally confirm a large part of what I am reading.
None have confirmed it more than Misaki though, and in turn have made it really hard for me to see her.
The crisis tripped off by her was basically this, I became conscious of what I had taken for granted and to placate her needed to accept that I was wrong about many things that I will go in to detail about a little later.
What really was the outcome of it all though, and the truly great day yesterday was, was that I realised the 'Golden rule' is back to front. Much like catch-22's inversion of 'Better to die on your feet than live on your knees' to 'Its better to live on your feet than die on your knees' which is certainly true of dodging the draft.
The Golden rule more or less is 'Do onto others as you have done onto you' this I now realise is completely flip flop, because it assumes altruism. That is a willingness to sacrifice or disadvantage ourselves in order that others be better off. What the Golden rule should infact be is 'Demand for yourself what you would do onto others' to which it is safe to assume altruism.
Japan has taught me this. Japan is all about the Golden rule. But the flaw with the golden rule, is that I would gladly tolerate a lot of shit that I would never wish on anybody else. For example, I don't mind catching a cold, or cleaning up some drunken idiots vomit. For the record I did vomit once and flee a drunken idiot at Dean's 21st. Possibly a contender for my most shameful night.
But the golden rule states that since I really don't mind the occasional throwing up on my floor, it is according to the Golden Rule perfectly acceptable for me to throw up on other people's floors since I really don't mind if they do it to me.
Japan though highlights this floor of the golden rule perfectly though. The Japanese are so caught up in morale compliance to the golden rule that it has becomes simply a culture of self sacrifice.
See if everyone gives of themself, sacrifices themself for the group, then everybody simply sacrifices. The Japanese are so generous, they give without recieving.
Case in point, Misaki earns $700 a month. Not pocket money, but her wage, what is her Job, working full time in a Jewellery store. Not a student, but doing actual work from 10 in the morning to 10 at night. That's a twelve hour day, and she works 6 days a week. Or rather the store is open 6 days a week, she works the day it is closed having meetings. Furthermore after hours it is perfectly acceptable for her boss to call her, or hold a meeting until 4 am because under the golden rule, he has no problem sleeping only 3 hours a day.
Misaki doesn't work for money, but was surprised when the owner of her company gave her an 'otoshidama' envelope of money.
But if Misaki is effectively 'on-call' 24-7 then you divide a month by days and then days by hour. 700 a month boils down to a wopping $1 an hour. If I can be callous Misaki is here to learn how this Jewellery company is so successful and makes so much profit, and in my view the answer is simple, Labor is typically the biggest expense of any business, and his labor costs $1 an hour. Misaki is not the only 'student' infact she is the senior most employee of the shop.
It is a business whose workers are effectively free.
Contrast with my Door to Door salesman job, I made no money, I made no money because I had a tendancy to make no sales. Whilst it is true to say I cost the company virtually nothing to employee, I also brought about no real benefits to them employing me.
I did learn a lot though, one thing that i hate door to door sales. And it helped me get later jobs just having done 'the hard yards' the next job was paid and I made sales.
The whole time my parents urged me to quit, concerned for my welfare.
Yesterday misaki had a cold and we met for breakfast whilst I talked about my plans for my organisation and tried to explain all the ideas I am excited about, and she had frankly had enough of my shit.
Sadly my whole existence undermines why Misaki is happy to work for a dollar an hour, with no vacations, no sick leave, no free time and variable sleeping time. Because she is 'helping' she is sacrificing herself for the sake of her family 'which is in crisis'. Keep in mind the 5 day work week was introduced in May, 1992 in Japan. They also have laws for overtime and maximum overtime allowances a day. The catch is that Japanese organisations put a lot of stock in voluntary overtime and other meaningless displays of 'loyalty' it is all underpinned by a demerit system. An employee like I was at Honda would never get away with working in Japan because my whole strategy was to minimise useless displays of loyalty and dedication and focus on trying to achieve effective results and develop further capacity to do so. I did it so I could selfishly lead a luxurious life outside of work.
In Japan, there is more merit in arriving first and leaving last than anything you actually achieve in between.
The logic of my position is much like Alfred Sloan Jr. of General Motor's view 'the business of business is business' that is, to be effective. In Japan, the business of business is sacrifice.
Misaki helping her folks from my perspective has no meaning, her employer is breaking the law, her family want to 'continue the business at all costs' a one generation busines, her mothers, it is not important that the business make profits as such, just that she remains in charge, and her daughters inherit it.
If misaki is taking back lessons like 'pay the employees $1 an hour' and 'no vacation ever, and they can sleep when I give them permission' now again despite what I have learnt from other life experiences, I placidly try to support Misaki in her dream of helping her family to my own detriment of enjoying life with Misaki. I do so out of respect for Misaki's love for her family.
And here's where the inverted golden rule comes in. When I catch up with Misaki, there is nothing to stop her mother from calling and talking to Misaki for an hour or more whilst I patiently wait for her to finish. Now I would 'do onto others' by respecting them, respecting their time and relationships, and as far as I could see, Misaki's mother had absolutely no respect for my time or relationship with Misaki.
The simple truth of their position is that I don't matter, my time is not important, my money is not important, my thoughts, opinions and feelings are not important.
Both Misaki's boss and Misaki's mother are mutual in agreement, that I am not important. What is important, is selling jewellery. Jewellery must be sold 'no matter the cost' even if the cost is as high as $1 an hour.
And here's the thing, the ridiculousness of being a millionaire, or even a billionare and working 21 hours a day and sleeping the balance, with no annual leave, no sick leave etc is ridiculous plainly to you or I. But what I don't understand and am plainly incorrect about is how noble it is. By paying nothing for an incredible amount of work, over an inconsequential luxury good in a saturated market - the boss is really highly moral, and so are everyone else, by taking all the money himself and never spending it enjoying life, he provides his employees with the opportunity to sacrifice themselves for the good of noone, incredibly noble. One is a fool or simply 'doesn't understand' to suggest it may infact be an incredible waste.
I can make a strong case using the fine western institutions of 'reason' and debate, and I am happy to, and that is where Miyamoto Masao is invaluable. A psychoanalyst who wrote 'Straitjacket society' concleded from his experience within the ministry of health, a microcosm of Japanese society at large, that the Japanese mind is that of an infant, unable to deal with emotions in adult terms. Furthermore the Japanese ideal is actually masochistic, which is were pain becomes a reward in and of itself.
I had little evidence of this though up until Misaki, Madoka was a volunteer when I knew her in highschool and university, has never subscribed to fashion or groupism of any kind, sees the good in people, stands up for herself and regards other people as very important. Her parents likewise enjoy interesting and stimulating conversation, are supportive of their children and respected me as an adult and didn't coddle me, letting me butter my own toast. A true show of familiarity with a guest.
Chie likewise is very progressive, and whilst having to work two jobs for her sons education has a range of her own interests mostly relating to jasmine her dog and is highly dissatisfied with the average 'japanese lot' particularly that of a woman, and furthermore will openly acknowledge shameful policies of the construction economy.
Misaki uses all the tactics highlighted by Miyamoto Masao as symptoms of the arrested development of Japanese people.
That is:
1. stifling debate or conversation on the pretext that it causes negative emotions such as jealousy and anger, and that these are to be avoided at all costs.
2. Insisting that "I don't understand" with the actual intent being that "I can't understand" as the standard response to all questions. I of course can't understand because the answer to any question is that "I don't understand" to elaborate, the reason Misaki for example 'had to beg her parents to stay in Australia' rather than doing what her visa permitted, her university permitted, I permitted and anyone else would do and simply just stay in Australia regardless of her parants permission is that her mother was using emotional blackmale, and regards Misaki as her property, that is that Misaki is to obey her parents. For misaki to explain this to me though violates tactic number one, which is avoiding negative emotions, like resentment for her parents, therefore she cannot explain so I cannot understand, simply hypothesise or infer.
3. Inability to handle negative emotions, when criticised I feel bad, I might reflect upon the criticism and then either accept or reject it, I would however much prefer to hear it. Misaki however feels incredibly disrespected by any criticism and that I have made a major breach of ettiquette. She will get so angry that she will storm off or lash out like a child throwing a tantrum. And these needn't be any criticisms of her personally or even directly, they can be about the Japanese government, or culture, or anything.
4. Sanction for lies, there is no personal responsibility in Japan, and this takes two forms as subpoints:
i. apologies, if a person in America smashes their car by accident into the back of another vehicle, they are expected to apologise, the offending driver is also obliged to pay for the damages. In japan an apology is a socially binding contract, it is the responsibility of the victim to accept it, and the offender is under absolutely no obligation to modify their behaviour in any way or pay any damages.
Misaki for example will apologise to me, every time she is late and every time she answers the phone to have a long conversation with her mother. As such I am all squared away with my apology and she continues to be late and answer the phone whenever her mother rings to talk about what was said by everyone that day.
ii. The boss takes responsibility for the subordinates fault, Masao in Straightjacket society claimed full responsibility for publishing his expose in the Asahi Shinbun, a leading newspaper. His boss who had no involvement in the decision at all however took responsibility for it to the powers that be. Thus Masao was held in contempt for putting his boss in this position despite his willingness to absolve his boss and take responsibility, simply meaning that he was placed in his boss's debt for no reason at all. Thus any attempt at independance from the group is seen as 'causing trouble for everyone' individual responsibility by being disbarred through such acts of unwelcome 'altruism' put people under a social obligation to toe the line.
Interestingly, from RYLA I first learnt the BOBS technique which is how to effectively complain in order to actually be heard, and the O in BOBS stands for 'Own your point of view' that is to use tactics like generalising and saying 'everyone is upset by this' is ineffective because nobody has the ability to speak on behalf of everyone and claims like this are easily refutable, which means your problem is ignored. But referring to everybody is standard practice in Japan, therefore an individual has almost no ability to affect change in Japan. One simply cannot act on oneself's behalf, it is all done on everyones behalf.

But supposing I do accept Misaki's logic and the masochistic interpretation of the traditional Golden Rule, what does that mean?

It means that I am not important, what I think, feel and want are not important. No person is important. Individuals must disregard their interests for the sake of Everybody.

It means that making money is not important, what is important is pain and suffering, one should not expect to take a share in the fruits of ones labor but instead be glad to labor.

It means that beliefs do not have to be based on reason, reason is not important what is important is to avoid the embarassment of mistakes, and that means ignoring problems that cause suffering and pain, because everybody should be glad they are helping and not being embarassed or suffering.

It means that wellbeing is not important, ettiquette is important. Pain and suffering should be tolerated politely and with minimum inconvenience to anybody else.

It means that thinking is not important, what is important is to obey. Thinking creates conflict, obeying harmony.

It means outcomes are not important, intent is important. One's family is helped through intent, not through actual results.

I could go on forever, but this was my crisis, to avoid hurting misaki, I had to disregard my own interests as unimportant. And I simply can't do it.
I want to be important, just like I find misaki important enough to visit, see the problem was that I had been very generous with Misaki's mother and employer in respecting them through my behaviour. I had done onto them as I would have done onto me. And all that resulted was that without so much as a 'thanks' they simply refused Misaki any annual leave, call and interrupt my conversations with her and so forth.
Whereas if I demanded they afford me the selfsame respect that I would afford them, I wouldn't lose and neither would they. we would all treat eachother respectfully.
So after realising how unimportant I was, and having a self indulgent crisis on top of a mountain listening to Plush by the Stone Temple Pilots, I returned to find at Cafe Coco's a friendly delightful lady whose boss respectfully granted her request to take the bill. And of course I smiled and treated her with respect, just as I expect them to treat me. And I felt important and I bet she did too.
How immoral of us.