schism

Bryce is my best friend in the whole world. And more than that (fuck that's a japanese sentance) he's a hero of mine, his opinion and respect has always meant a lot to me. The moment I first saw Bryce, I hated him. He was strange, he was different, he was uncool. It was Grade 3, he gelled his hair up into spikes and he wore sunglasses everywhere, sunglasses with fluoro frames that as he grew were often too small for his head.
Despite being such an obvious target for schoolyard japes he from the earliest demanded respect, namely for his superior storywriting ability, his creative talents were recognised upfront. Whilst I had my place as a good drawer and creative story concepts, my execution was poor and at the time was in remedial english. But Bryce broke all the cardinal rules, he stood out rather than blended in, wasn't good at sports and was a filthy new kid, like I had been a year before.
I think this to this day, nothing short of amazing, Grade 3, for a kid to have such a strong sense of self a whole 5 years before the beginnings of adolescent rebellion. He needed lmost no external approval or validation, which isn't quite true, because his talent was recognised even at that age, what he could do was forego the approval of the mediocre and the security blanket it brings in order to claim the greater prise which is the praise lavished on an individual.
Alas I hated Bryce for his difference but like all others, I respected him. I recall us working on his Oprah performance in Grade 4 and that was the first time we shared joint writing credos I had some ideas for some sketches and he had all these crazy interviews with dead celebraties whilst he did a black face routine. As a kid sent to school even in the instance of dismemberment I had no idea who oprah was. But even then, Bryce was an oddity, (our grade 4 teacher thought he was retarded, she herself being quite retarded) and my loyalties lay elsewhere, my parents liked him from encounters at PT interview nights, where he threw out Peter Houseton's show and tell items a pinecone (ah the pinecone incident!) and a Mr.Men book in what was a characteristic Bryce show of disrespect for anothers property.
It wasn't till Grade 6 I became dissillusioned with the fold I was in (and to be honest expelled from the cool group) and there Bryce and I became friends.
By highschool I was one of his lackeys and I don't know how or recall how, I earnt his respect. Our first ongoing work together was the year 7 page of 'the arch' which held up better than most other pages of the school. Man I wanted to do the year 12 editor of that magazine. She signed a card for me which I used to rub my face on in happy times.
Then I switched schools, and at some point Bryce and I became cool. Maybe always outsiders but cool, the respect for individualism eventually became more valued than the security in being mediocre. Opinion leaders became the trend setters and the stars. They were the ones who stood up and got recognised. As my home room teacher in year 7 said there are only 2 students that get remembered here the 'goody-goodies' and the 'baddy-baddies' a blanket statement that staying in the middle band and being invisible was a death sentance.
As an outsider I always have padded mysef in to a quiet lifestyle of introspection, Bryce the opposite being overt extraversion and sorounding himself with a veritable army of eccentric personalities, or as I called them at his 21st his 'personality cult'. Some of my best friends I have met through Bryce, but if I can be so arrogant I don't identify with the cult of Bryce, I prefer having his undivided attention, I don't go to see Bryce but I see him because he is one of the few people I can relate too. We are in many ways polar opposites and in many more identical.
I read a passage in a book that said there is a Japanese saying that says 'two great men upon meeting eachother will know the other to be great' I can vouch for my half of that sentance but not Bryce's point of view. Nevertheless, Bryce provides for me the comfort of not feeling alone, to know I'm not the only insane person in the world.

All this I put here to say that Bryce and I have a long history, and impress upon the casual reader how important he is to me. Nevertheless our latest joint project (now two years old from its inception) provided a momentary hiccough in our friendship. Mummy and daddy were fighting over how to pursue it, how to realise it. What was needed and what form it would take. I will spare you the details because no doubt I would be incredibly biased, however the point was it came to a point where I realised we weren't working with eachother but against eachother. The joint interest had ceased to be fun.
For me it was a crossroads, where I felt if I kept pushing it could consume our friendship. Escalate into a needless pointscoring exercise until we forgot what we were even arguing about, so I sent him a proposal to put an end to it. And my anxiety over it just vaporised. I felt good, that was a week or so ago.
I got his reply today. It was only reading it that I ealised what was at stake, and him opting to take the friendship over what he percieved to be the course to success made me want to cry.
They say, never get money or sex in between a friendship, and whilst this was neither I know. As "Bryce is art" possibly the only thing that could get both of us more fired up than a joint investment in sex or money, was a joint investment in art.
I tell you to have something like that come between a friendship so important is not a good place to be, it for me was more stressful and upsetting than the last time I got dumped.
I would still leap at any chance to work with Bryce, but I imagine the next time our respect for eachother should possibly bow out before hand to the practical reality of having one or the other of us in charge from the get go.
but for all you out there, plese realise what you're really gambling with.