The GFC Grand Conspiracy Unveiled

I was talking to a friend in Queensland last night which made me realise I was sitting on something so spectacular, so terrifying that it is my duty to report it here in the web-democratised and thus remarkably un-quality assured blogosphere, to bring the shady truth to you all.

The GFC was caused by a conspiracy, a conspiracy more terrifying than you could ever imagine. I uncovered this shadow organisation, hiding in plain sight using the age old maxim of 'follow the money' let's follow this US paper trail/Australian Plastic Trail.

1. Who controls the government?

Okay, I've pointed out before the coincidence that Australia a coal rich country, happens to believe that 'clean coal' is one of the best ways to tackle climate change, where Canada an asbestos rich country, happens to think that asbestos is perfectly fine building material if handled properly.
This coincidence was not sarcastic, I was implying that big business and industry can exert influence over our government. This is nothing revelationary, since the invention of privatised mass communication mediums, namely radio and television and the competitive advantage these hold over public broadcasting systems, the price of running for office has increased dramatically. Thus one can say that whilst 'the people' get a vote, more crucial is having the campaign contributors in the first place. The US has a slip-up, in that all donations need to be available on the public record. But in Australia no such policy exists, so while I can't 'name and shame' the specific evil cabal of big business, I can assure you that big business do pull the strings on policy by dominating campaign contributions to the two major parties.

2. But who controls big business?

Well it's obvious really, the executives. The clue is in their job title, they 'execute' their dastardly amoral machiavellian capitalist schemes to destroy the planet.
In chief the big giveaway is a collection of Cheif Executive Officers or 'CEOs' that pull the strings of the executives below them. Surely this is the ruling elite? Well no, as it is not shadowy enough to avoid detection, plus we see them getting fired, bought out, sent shipping all to often in these disastrous times, but like the government gets bought with big business money, who is the shadowy figure that pays these golden handshakes, or golden parachutes to the CEOs? Well we must follow the money further down this rabbit hole.

3. But who controls the CEOs?

And this is where we are heading into new frontiers, as normally the shadow conspiracy scapegoats their well paid sacrificial goats aka CEOs whenever they feel the heat, but it is known that in any publically traded company, the CEO is answerable to a mysterious group of unelected officials known as 'the board'. The CEO actually takes a remarkable amount of direction from them, and they in turn draw up the CEOs contract which often includes the deliverables that oblige the CEO to structure the companies activities in such a way.
The board set the agenda and are the watchdogs of the CEOs stewardship over the company and thus they have the power to hire and fire CEOs. Very powerful indeed. But alas, someone pays the boards wages, and they to represent shadowy figures that exert their subtle influence over eveything in the background.

4. But who controls the board?

The board exists to protect the interests of the Shareholders, whom are large and numerous and have trouble speaking for themselves, except and here we are finally getting to the truth! the truth that is proverbially 'out there', for certain large players in the sharemarket, groups that have warchests of money gifted to them to pay them to control the very running of boards, CEOs, big business and by extension the government!
These large players are the Fund Managers! See how plain and terrible it is, the ones with the hands on the purse strings are those that manage the funds! aka Fund Managers. These people have swathes of cash to buy large stakes in companies that allow them to hold the majority of votes in the shareholder AGM. When they say jump, the board and CEO in unison shout 'how high' and they literally say '14%' on last year.
Here, here at last we surely have the machiavellian cabal controlling world events from the shadows?

5. But who controls the funds?

The fund managers after-all just manage the funds, where do these funds come from? Finally the man-behind the curtain is unveiled. Well these come from the customers of the managed funds. Largely these funds are provided by big business itself, paid to the employees through the device of Super-annuation, the employees who now hold the power to pick and choose between not just funds, but fund managers, financial advisors with all the freedoms of your everyday consumer.
Because of this, the fund managers have to compete with eachother day in day out to deliver the maximum return to their customers, these ravenous shadow figures who pull ALL the strings, all billion of them. If you are a fund manager and you get 14% return one year, an incredible amount, but your customers friend gets 19%, an 'unsustainable figure' these evil-doers don't care, they will switch funds in the blink of an eye chasing the bigger slice of pie. This means the fund managers to keep the funds that give them their power have to go to all the businesses they own and scream and jump and yell for them to ring out profits anyway they can. To take whatever risks necessary, to deregulate themselves and push product out the door, pull customers in, give them credit cards, stop asking for income documentation. Just keep the party rolling and keep the party loud.
This string pulling fiasco of puppets controlling puppets who control yet more puppets that control more puppets is the chain of evil all leading back to approx. 1 billion shadowy figures, at last the puppet master is...

6. You!

And if not you, probably, almost definitely your parents. Yes the truly terrifying thing about this Conspiracy Diabolic is that it isn't the Queen, Warren Buffett, Rupert Murdoch, Dick Cheney and the Colonel sitting around some table dressed in robes.
What is terrifying is that it's your mum and dad, sitting around a dinner table with their douchebag friends, discussing various investments in real estate, shares, commodities and middle eastern policy all subjects they are extremely unlikely to know anything about. Few enough people in this world understand what inflation means, or how money works, or who sets the interest rates, or how they are set, or even elementary concepts like risk, profit, return on investment, capital etc.
Yet they are happy to look at two numbers and decide one is bigger, a startling reality for fund managers, their customer is always right! therefore it doesn't matter if your result is great, so long as their is nobody out their greater, and the only way to ensure that is to adopt shortterm thinking, gut companies of any redundant staff in order to create a bigger dividend yeild. Forget tomorrow, your customers don't have the knowledge the discipline, the imagination to think that far ahead. All that matters to them is whether their grass is greener today.
Yes the shadow cabal of evildoers is hiding in plain sight. You probably (if you have a computer) are one of them, and you probably meet members of this axis of evil in every passing stranger on the street.
The only person to strike out at the 'real' enemy was perhaps Ghandi when he said 'be the change you want to see in the world'. The sad fact is that the politicians, big business, ceo's and boards of directors, fund managers and financial planners all know who their boss is, and they all know what is good for them.
Of course this shadow conspiracy can't be blamed for it's wrong doing, thus CEOs must walk, just for succumbing to board directives, who succumb to pressure from the fund managers, who are keeping an eye on the ever watchful financial planners and their excel spreadsheets, who in turn sit terrified at the blank, uninformed and stupid greedy faces of their soon to be retiring customers.

We would actually probably be better off if Warren Buffett controlled the world, as he seems to be a highly intelligent and for the most part ethical man. Alas we don't have anyone with the foresight to try and quash bad business practices behind the steering wheel. Insted we have this evil conspiracy of 1 billion people sitting behind the wheel pulling it in every direction that takes their fancy and demanding less regulation, less accountability, less foresight, less social responsibility, less character in politicians, less environmental regulation, lower safety standards, lower wages etc.

And they probably don't even know they are doing it.