Concerning Cuteness, Hotness & Beauty. Girls & Women

Nagoya is full of eye candy. Train trips were always brief for me, even the long wait at the transfering Obu station because there was always something to look at. Young women in short skirts, designer boots, perfect (if often over the top) manicures, luxurious (i hope) faux fur coats, 6000 yen haircuts and low cut tops. Makeup is applied with what must be a trowel, it's all really over the top.

Yet amongst all this later on in nagoya whilst I was walking back to central station from maruzen bookstore one night, in the ebbing stream of pedestrians I found myself walking next to a striking woman in traditional kimono whose beauty overwhelmed me. I was in awe of her grace and dignity. I shut up, and was acutely conscious of her presence. I knew it was a special experience at the time.

If I had to come up with a gender reversal it was probably the equivalent of a young woman walking through a sea of pretty boys and suddenly coming across a war veteran walking through the streets, where on his bearing alone he gave the impression that all the pretty little boys were as nothing to him.

in a nation obsessed to the nth power with cuteness this woman was perhaps the single rarest and most precious experience I came across.

And like always there's nothing really special about japan. In fact Germaine Greer said this a fair while ago:

A grown woman should not have to masquerade as a girl in order to remain in the land of the living.

'radical' has it's own origins and meaning, but in the 80's cartoon era it became an in vogue substitute for 'cool' which is a seperate word with a distinctive definition.

I would hate to detail the definitial nuances that distinguish 'rad' from 'cool' but you can point it out in history - Johnny Cash for example is definitely 'cool' not 'rad' as is David Bowie, the Adelaide Skate Park might be alternatively be described as 'rad' but not 'cool'

I do think it is much easier to make all importsnt distinctions betwixt 'hot' 'cute' or 'beautiful'. In my detox process from misaki the differences have been striking me more and more as my eye becomes once again accustomed to the idea of sussing out a potential partner.

Let's start with 'cute' from personal preference I hate 'cuteness' as an aspect of beauty. It has physical connotations to me of 'youthfulness' but more so 'childishness' and 'infancy' as per Greer's quote above I think the global perception of feminine beauty (and with the rise of metrosexuals - masculine) has become increasingly infantile to it's detriment.
Seals are cute, Otters are cute, bunnies, puppies, babies, kittens and toddlers are cute. As such when a grown girl dresses and acts cute the overall effect on me is sadness. My friend that set me up with Misaki made a grave error (being japanese) by introducing her as 'cute'. As in 'This is my friend Misaki, isnt she cute' and as I recall I did something like tersely saying 'yes' and walking straight on past to the bar. I had actually noticed Misaki as soon as she arrived and had even thought 'who's that?' sat up straight etc. that had been because I'd actually found her strikingly beautiful and not 'cute' once my friend had introduced us all I could see was the 'cute' aspect.
Cute is in practice 'baby voices', pretty much any Japanese fashion, hats, long socks, pig tails, applying makeup so as too emphasize your eyes, acting childish etc. this turns some (probably most) guys on, myself begrudgingly included except that it clashes with the far more domineering part of my brain that can't abide idiots.

Hotness, is probably easily interchangible with Beauty, but for me I restrict it to a description of the purely physical domain. It is best illustrated in Bob C Cock's letter to Fox Television, where he complained about them letting the models on some swimsuit special actually speak, which put him off masturbating.
The images splashed across men's magazine covers like FHM, Maxim, Ralph, Zoo of various and questionable quality.
It is big tits, long legs, tan, symetrical facial features and smoking 'come hither' looks. But to me this perhaps beyond cuteness has dramatic implications if you allow it to eclipse the term 'beauty'
Because hotness to me is in the realm of the purely physical/visual It is devoid of personality. And I think the girls that shoot themselves in the foot pursuing hotness underestimate just how important personality is.

Whilst waiting in the 'doctors lobby' of Amrish's apartment I flicked through backissues of GQ amongst which I found an aricle entitled 'Do you want to date a super model' where they interviewed some brazillian model about the long list of demands they had of their prospective boyfriend. As such 'hotness' and 'high maintenance' are often terms that go hand in hand. It is too often a mercinarial approach to appearance with many a fantastical exchange rate imagined. As if to say if I look this good... someone should buy me flowers and jewellery every month, if I look that good someone should drive me everywhere I want to go and take me out to nightclubs, buy me drinks etc.

The 'someone' in these hypothetical meatmarkets are colloquially known as 'douchebags', 'arseholes' and even the misnomer 'nice guys' - in which case I don't refer to genuinly nice guys, but that breed of guy that percieves a sexual exchange rate for their very limited brand of generosity and helpfulness (to hot people, not say, refugees) and general fawning behaviour. The nice guy mentality is a whole other blog post, but basically if you think that being hot alone will get you everything you want you might want to reconsider.

Which brings us to the grand dame, the holy grail, someone who is actually beautiful. The definitions may vary on what specifically the attraction is, for me a woman has to be interesting for me to find her attractive. The definition that works generally is that beauty goes from the personality right out.
Personality can give someone's physical appearance a swing of 80%, probably more. Sex is fucking great, but we would have to be talking seriously motherfucking hot to put up with a boring person's presence for the other 21 hours a day not engaged in sex and foreplay.
It is hard for even the hottest person in the world to get into a low maintenance relationship with a doting boyfriend that demands nothing in return for servicing your every whim. Even a small portion of self respect should be enough for any man or woman to jump out of the car and hike back up that one way street.

Enough of what beauty isn't what does it look like. Well it may surprise you but I'll site a man using beautiful behaviour to illustrate.

Back in highschool a had an interest in a girl called G for reasons I can no longer fathom. At a party I went to I was planning on getting the courage to make a move like talking to G. Alas my friend J had actually capitalised and picked her up. Something I noticed with the keen eyes of a hawk. My friend Chris made a truly beautiful gesture by attempting clumsily to move into my path and block me from seeing that somene else had picked up G.

That's beauty, kindness, unfortunately Chris having like me, a dick, just isn't my type. It's kindness, vulnerability, trust, embarassment. It isn't necessarily graceful, but it's something you respect, that endears you, that you cherish. As distinct (but not exclusive) from hotness, the personality of someone beautiful anchors your attraction to them in expressions that even when they are old wrinkly and saggy trigger your memory right back to the first moments you saw them.

Ironically I'm glad terms like 'hotness' and 'cute' exist to qualify attraction, but that our concept of beauty shifts towards them I think is cause for worry.

Walking through Melbourne CBD is funny, if I were to assume girls were looking for someone like me (a big assumption I know) the amount of energy wasted on appearance actually pushes them father from my interest, if instead they spent 10% of the money and half the time just picking up the occasional book and working on being interesting thteir chances would skyrocket.

Give me beauty, not hotness. Give me women, not girls.