Envy

One must at times of unemployment 'leverage ones network' which simply means look for opportunities with people who know and like you already as opposed to either people you don't know or people you know don't like you.
But surprisingly rather than feel a real desire to go straight to my friends on the big end of town, the ones I most want to emulate are my friends that are dirt poor trying to get their dreams off the ground.
And it occured to me that whilst sitting in an office I may have looked upon some dirtbag like Morley freezing his balls off in Toronto with no money to buy essentials such as food and shite with envy as he devoted all his energy to becoming a comedian. And I bet myself that people like Morley have never envied me, well he may have envied me in my ability to afford food all the time and shit, but that is just the general envy of a poor man for anyone with money, I bet more specifically that he never envied what I was doing with my life, which was working a more or less inconsequential job for steady income.
Same with Bryce who never exactly struggled with money, but I bet never sat back and went 'gee i really wish I had a white collar job in an office like tohm somewhere' nowhere near to the degree that I wished I could wear what i liked to work and work with interesting and diverse people with a passion (however fleeting) for what they do.
Its a one way street of envy. And to be honest, I really feel relaxed right now, even though as the days tick by I am no further really to having any idea how I am going to pull off the provincial pit stop truckie of a dream of mine. But I honestly have no desire to pull the plug, get a job and money and try and buy myself happiness through consumer durables.
Mein got! I just realised writing that last sentance that at the end of the day, that is literally all there is to that lifestyle. Earn money, spend money. Again I am less attracted to plan B.
I must be careful for plan B is rapidly being replaced by plan C 'shoot myself' I don't think I am so noble yet though as to choose death over compromise.