Another One Bites the Dust

I like the imagery of a cowboy hitting the dust, with his teeth after being gunned down in a quickdraw. His teeth breaking out whilst he can no longer feel them. I find it spectacular, dramatic and comical.
Well what can I say, I'm back on the meat market and this time around its an odd sensation. Odd because its no real setback to most of the work I did last time. No brooding or devestation, no days off, no crying in a field. I'm yet to cry and I kind of feel guilty because if ever there was a girl worth crying over its Misaki.
But I guess that its one of those clean breaks that comes after the pressure of a long distance relationship has finally built up to breaking point.
Yeah I love her, and I keep thinking of joyous snippets and mannerisms of memories of our summer of love, her hiccup laugh and perhaps most dangerously how her manner of speaking is one of the best and easiest ones to impersonate for the amusement of myself and my friends. I think I do it to her as well without even noticing it.
But I will say two things that are totally ups for Long-distance relationships for anyone thinking of giving up now, now that someone as magnificent as me has failed.

1. Long distance relationships can help you stay out of the trap of devaluing all your other many relationships. I think a lot of stupid young couples attempt to experience true love by neglecting every other relationship they have. And this isn't the third wheel spurned WOM hating mate speak, but just that a good relationship should need you to free up good feelings towards anyone else, otherwise you haven't gained anything, and you probably don't bring anything much.

2. Having your own space means you can grow as an individual and if things turn sour be required to undergo very little behavioural change. I'm slightly unnerved by how well I'm taking this, which isn't to say I'm imune to feeling, don't get me wrong I want my ownership of my former pretty cake, I feel pretty sad about it just not overwhelmed or under attack or insecure.

The hardest thing for me right now is putting together the pieces of what this actually means. ie. not being misaki's boyfriend friday, not being misaki's boyfriend friday... not being misaki's boyfriend the day I die. Adding up all the pieces in between is sort of the reality that hits my brain with varying degrees of substantialness, but you know whatever, fuck it, one day at a time.