Pistol

crazy mad good

Emotional

Yesterday should have been a bad day, Bryce and I got jumped on our idea, oh well. I have the utmost confidence that our Kobe & Shaq act will trump them down he track.
Getting frustrated with Miki's job slowing our communication down to a crawling point although I've never met someone who'se emails reflect exactly how they talk. more than that both Carole and Kiet called in sick yesterday leaving myself and my manager to answer the phones, meaning we spend the whole day running and going nowhere.
To counterpoint that we got two new employees and although the lack of experience puts more pressure on me, it cannot be underestimated how good it is to have enthusiasm in the department again. And being asked questions is realy flatering all the time.
Despite this new guy pestering me every 2 free seconds I had between calls, it was great, it kept me going. From not cussing at the 50 customers asking the same fucking questions.
Someone actually enthusiastic to get on the phones and take customer calls. I remember when I was like that. But now after 2 years it's just one constant nagging sensation that I am numb to, its not anything I even consciously think about. Just a fact of life.
That's it customers are a fact of life. They have a job to do, we have a job to do. We have complimentary interests and contradictory interests. Its a case of positioning the feet in the shoes.
Anyway, i think its just high time I got pulled down from my comfortable high horse and rebuilt again, reassessed my priorities and just got the fuck on with life.

Sideprojects

When Mettallica fired their loyal bassist whose name I can't even remember for wanting to deviate from Metallica and work on a side project it was a little over the top.
When Wes Borland a man I have profound respect for, largely for quitting Limp Bizkit because he was bored of it and thus burying Fred Durst in the halls of mediocrity where he rightfully belongs, talks about Big Dumb Face, his band he started as a side project purely and solely to test to see how much bullshit loyal fans would swallow I thought he captured exactly what I don't like about side projects.
Which is to say, I have no problem with side projects at all. This blog is more or less a side project for me. Its where I work ideas, record thoughts so that hopefully I can get progression, whereas I think I can get also get stuck grinding my axe on a very large wetstone or however the fuck it is spelt.
A side project is good space for any band member of note, 'that has made it' to work with different people, develope their abilities and get new ideas. What I have a problem with is a paparazzi element of fans that jump on bored through no real reason but loyalty.
A sideproject is not a solo album, that's for starters, its a project, its own organic endeavor. But it seems often to be greeted with the opposite reaction to when an existing band replaces a key member, and no surprise because its really like when a key member replaces their existing band.
Take the RATM transition to Audio Slave. I liked their first two albums and never bought the third which came out too soon after the second. But many RATM fans just couldn't let go of Zack De La Rocha, couldn't let Cornell create something different with the RATM lineup. Couldn't le the music stand alone. They sold albums and DVDs and concert tickets thats for sure, but some fans actually went to the Audioslave concert and shouted 'bring back zack' and requests for RATM numbers.
Now my problem with sideprojects is the opposite, a minority of people jump on board the sideproject with out weighing up its merit, based purely on reputation of the key player alone, or they give some artistic piece of shit 2-3 listens to make an impression on them, something they wouldn't do for any other band. A form of confirmation bias.
I've never been in to spotting genuis where I want to see it. Thats why as much as I love Les Claypool, I have no Fabulous Flying Frog Brigade, Oysterhead or Sausage albums in my stack. As much as I love Mike Patton, I really only like his more accessable stuff which is Faith No More, Lovage and Peeping Tom, probably in that order and theres gaping chasms between the first one and the last two.
Which means I just don't have time for Tomahawk, Phantomas or Mr.Bungle. I've heard some Mr.Bungle but wasn't overly into it. There's albums I'd much rather spin.
But it's like me reading 4 maybe 5 books just to find one paragraph of good information, gold advice or particularly moving passage.
Which is I think Mettallica are dicks to have a no side project policy, and it sort of shows that of all the members of that band you'd thing the bass player would have been the easiest to replace and St Anger was amongst the worst albums I've ever heard in my life.
So in conclusion, not all sideprojects are bad, but not all sideprojects are worth supporting (financially) so much as with lip service, the odds of getting a good band together are against anyone, just like getting star employees together in one department, sometimes you can replace a band member and the band gets better (chuck mosley to mike patton) sometimes worse (zack de la rocha to chris cornell, herb alexander to brian montana) but that doesn't actually lower them to mediocrity by a long shot, Audio Slave's work and Primus' Brown album where still highly legitimate musical and commercial offerings. But sometimes side projects are just self indulgent crap.

mr John you tall dude, in response to your comment, I just sort of need an instant impression from my music which Mr Bungle didn't do. I might explore it after I get through all the Native Tongue groups which are what are impressing me now. I went to Peeping tom more to see Mike Patton than the band, but ended up real impressed with the band. I like Peeping Tom more as a fan of Handsome Boy Modelling School and I guess Gorillaz for hip hop influenced alternate-pop.
I write this mainly because my brother has annoying listening habits to me, like an honours student getting references he's a bigtime once I listened to the whole album 7 times it started to grow on me, whereas I the ever impulsive won't listen to 3 tracks on an album if it hasn't already started to grow on me.

Peeping Tom once more with feeling

You know, I should catch myself in the midst of Passive-Aggressive behaviour. But that would probably make me a sociopath or something for which there is no cure.
What I should do is elaborate on Peeping Tom to do it justice.
But it should be known that I don't have much to offer Mike Patton, I just more for posterities sake want to compare the experience to visiting Ieyasu Tokugawa's tomb in Shizuoka. It was just something I wanted to do before I die, see this guy he appeals to me. I think when I do die, I don't want to be burned, as I'd rather not release carbon particles in the atmosphear and transfer most of my mass into heat energy that is then not really used by anyone.
I guess if someone wanted to crush my ashes into a diamond I wouldn't object, but I'd rather be buried under a rock, like takuan the Zen monk. It was very Zen, until someone put a fence around it. Similarly though Graham Kennedy one upped this by getting buried at see, no doubt so Bryce wouldn't make a shrine out of his grave/scattered ashes. Bryce has never discussed it with me, but I hope he doesn't want said location pinpointed so we can sink his corpse in the ocean.
Anyway though, my rock I wouldn't mind if it was like one of those ones you can sit on top of and observe nature.
In that way I imagine people could have a very personal experience, maybe sketch something down and if I ever achieve anything of note, interpretate it into something new.
That'd be nice.
Anyway Peeping tom... these posts do get away from me. I guess straight up Mike Patton is not a relic, he like Tom Jones just reinvents himself, whether by coopting black culture or whatever, he was dressed like 50 cent, I don't know if it was ironic or whatever, I'm not really sure whether it's worth talking about, because the music wasn't like 50 cent. SLAM magazine in an attempt to become the thinking teenager's basketball mag wrote a piece on subconscious discrimination in the L. And I guess that's what goes on when Mike wear's bling and skullcaps and bullet proof vests.
But to be honest I'm not sure what point he makes, but I assume he get's it. I don't think he'd particularly get singled out for 'coopting' black culture over say Eminem or the Beastie Boys. Maybe back in the day when Faith No More and Red Hot Chilli Peppers where incorporating rap he did.
But that be the beautiful thing, the composition of Peeping Tom I really like, I mean its propped up by Mike Patton, because if you took away his vocal interpretation of his lyrics it would probably cross the line of barely perceptable difference.
And yeah Rahzel was replaced with Butterscotch but I think that's what I liked about the line ups composition. All the members brought something, and Mike gave them exposure to show exactly who they were without him and they had to stand up on their own.
That's probably what resonated with me.
I like seeing talent sort of thrown together to see what they come up with. They were all singing off the same songsheet as far as I could tell, but I think the enjoyment of just playing their part comes through.
of all things Peeping Tom reminded me of 'Good To Great' where they highlight that one thing about companies that transition from having a place in a market to being a dominant champion all first made sure they had the right people 'on the bus' and the wrong people off it.
I think if anything that's what I want in some manifestation to create - just getting people together that can fight it out until you know they get past feeling compromised and end up with a collaboration.
If anything else listen to Peeping Tom to hear what a good business set up sounds like when its working.

Hoop Dreams pt II

5'8 with 56" verticle takeoff, Spud Webb's was 12" it can be done.

Peeping Tom: Melbourne

Last night I went to see Patton on stage, I got a fairly premo viewing position, though one has to question why a venue has such an obvious point of conflict as a raised step for people to stand on in the front row. Go ahead block every single persons view behind it.
After the support act a guy moved and I got up on the platform, I didn't feel too bad about it because the guy who's place I took would have easily clocked in at over 6 foot. Why he felt it necessary to get front and centre is beyond me.

But the performance itself was faultless. Infact I have to say I was there more for Mike Patton than Peeping Tom, though I doubt I'd go to Mr.Bungle or Tomahawk. By all means experiment you artists out there, but I'm not going to buy an album that requires effort for me to understand and appreciate versus one that has a more easily accecable payload for me.
But yeah I highly recommend Peeping Tom, its sort of like my dream company, just bringing talented creative people from different fields together eg. beatboxing, synth players, punk three pieces, violinists, soul singers, dj's and ending up with something that mos def isn't Linkin Park.
I mean they showcased each component periodically for a solo whilst the band took a break to hang a slash or drink coffee or whatever was necessary and I was impressed. It was similar to coming across a street busker actually doing something interesting.

But man, as much as I love seeing a band live, I hate meeting other fans, I really hate it. I feel no solidarity or loyalty to fellow fans at all. I always look around to see what the other fans say about me. Apparantly I'm a single male loser.
I mean I've got a blog so there's no denying the loser part.
But here was just a few observations I made from my limited experiences with the fans in my vicinity:

1. Don't wear a backpack - are you fucking kidding me, are you out of your fucking mind. Why the fuck do you bring a backpack to a concert and furthermore buy GA tickets and go crowd to the front. You space taking mother fucker. Haven't you been to one of these before? Have you tripped into the big smoke from werribee for the day and packed a cut lunch and some pj's so you can stay at your friends house? fucking think these things through. I felt I was overdoing it wearing a jacket, but I couldn't be fucked waiting for a train in just a tshirt and I felt compromised. A backpack? why the fuck did security let that in.

2. To a lesser extent, handbags. I've been to a few concerts now and stood in enough lines to know that girls, bringing a handbag is just a dumb fucking idea. You don't want to pick up at these concerts. The band member of interest is not going to spot you and seriously invite you to some awesome after party. no need to accessorise. Just wear shoes jeans, if your purse is bulky and full of shit, just stuff some notes into your bra.

3. Upbeat denial - whilst it is inspiring that you press on with your life, really and I've said it before, you are not shocking anyone. If you aren't/weren't in the beautiful group in highschool, there's no need to let it dominate your life. I wasn't and believe me, dressing up as a goth/skank/mcslurry isn't challanging their philosophies and life values. What it is doing is macking me pray some sweaty drunk guy grinds up against me instead of your pimply breasts on your overweight frame into a canterleavered corset and your assimetrical fringe red hair dyed black with liberal foundation trowelled over your freckled complexion.
I wasn't looking my best, I have an undercut for fuck's sake, I didn't shave and grow ginger facial hair but I don't feel the need to shove the fact in everyone's faces and try to redefine sexy as quite offputting.
I mean your talking about Mike patton on stage, a guy that has 24 hours in a day to incorporate image into his performance, with beautiful back up singers/beatboxers. It's a humbling experience for all. So we're not exceptionally attractive fans, doesn't mean we have to do our darndest to be exceptionally unattractive fans. Rebel all you want but just don't go trying to solicit an acknowledgement in a crowd full of nerds.

4. Nerds. NERDS!! I totally, totally relate to you guys. You've invested hours into a band, both listening and researching useless facts like inspirations, side projects and traumatic childhood events suffered by the artist. Maybe your knowledge has even allowed you to contribute to a wikipedia article on the band.
I used to know how every alternative band in the California Bay area knew one another. I probably clocked up over 400 hours of listening to Aenima alone. I read up all the political campaigns RATM supported, I even read 'Our Word is Our Weapon' by subcommandant Marcos.
Fact is almost everyone that would shell out $70 to see Peeping Tom, is probably a nerd. They didn't get that much airplay, publicity here in Oz so you know it figures most people came through on the basis of being a FNM, Mr Bungle or Tomahawk fan which 10 years after Ashes to Ashes means we're talking dedication to recall.
But some nerds, myself included feel secure enough to keep our mouths shut. Yes Mike Patton/Tool/RATM/Audioslave/Deftones/Slayer whatever is important to you. But everyone else probably has that same significant feeling. So as disheartening as it is to see other people put in the listening hours and arrive at seemingly very different conclusions than you. Don't fucking make everyone around you experience a cringefest and feel bad about themselves by trying to establish your superior knowledge.
"You have't heard of Lovage, you're not a real fan, you don't know the half of Mike Patton's talent then"
"I think creatively I'm in the same place as Mike Patton about know"
And wearing a shirt that says 'Mike Patton is God'. Yeah a play on the old Eric Clapton graffiti, and Mike being a bit cooler and photogenic than old Slowhand there is some basis for comparison there. Except that Eric Clapton dates to a time where there was no 'underground' and 'mainstream' really and that 'Eric Clapton is God' was real common graffiti throughout London and New York, heaps of people wore these shirts it was an institution. But the difference as I see it is that you made your own. And you are wearing a backback.
As a comparison to God (mind you if I had devout followers like George Bush, I would use my omnipotence to kill myself) it's not really fair, because if you, you backpack wearing nerd populate my devout fundamentalist base, I feel bad. I think if anyone could pick a god to be it would be Bachus, for the wine drinking orgies with nubile grecian priestesses and athletes of old olympia.
But as I said and judging myself by the Eric Clapton paragraph, the fact I got the reference and provided an analysis for it on my blog makes a good case that I am a nerd, I kept my mouth shut the whole concert with the exception of when Mike was asking the crowd to yell out 'Ohhh' or something for the songs.
Because I was there to see the band, not make friends with fans and feel, no longer alone, or worse, try and establish my rank in a heirarchy of people that due to the limited supply of tickets for any show, are never again going to congregate in one place.

5. That cunt who was spitting at Patton. If it's inevitable that at any concert like that there's going to be people spitting at the band, throwing shit at the band, how come you were the only one. I mean you probably lined up before the doors even opened and parked your arse dead centre front row against the barrier. Stood there for 4 hours through the support band and the sound check, to what enjoy the performance in your own individual way, by your own definition of enjoyment or entertain fantasies that you, you alone are different (not such a fantasy, but different not in the way you think) I was behind this cunt and I have to say, I had a great view, great experience of the band but the sound wasn't actually that great.
but this guy, first during the sound check pulls out his heavy digital camera and goes through about 50 shots of Patton doing an instore at JB Hifi. Which is to say, wearing a hat and sitting in a chair.
Then what does this posse do with their primo position? For the first three 4 songs they just take photos, almost constantly. What do photo's do? say you were there. These people weren't dancing, just taking photos, they probably blew a quarter of the set just muscling people who were there to see the band enjoy the performance so they could take some still shots of the performance to show they're baby bonus kids in the morning.
Then when the dude does put away his camera, he just starts hocking loogies at Mike. to be honest it's the first time I've been that close to a stage to actually be aware it goes on. I'd also read of Mike encouraging fans to spit in his mouth before, I thought it may actually be something that you do at a Tomahawk or Mr Bungle concert. Sort of like yelling 'Primus Sucks' or throwing Mentos at the Foo fighters. But the guy just kept doing it and doing it and didn't fucking stop. And eventually patton noticed and started getting angry.
And it clicked A) this guy was the only one doing it B) this guy was a dick.
I have to say, to some extent I enjoyed the fact that Mike just kept on, worked the crowd and the music was fucking something else, it made me realise just how mediocre the Australian Artists getting signed/winning Australian Idol really are.
My musical knowledge and experience isn't actualy sufficient to appreciate what goes into making music until I see it live.
But this guy? what do you do, it probably would have been easy to pick him up and shove him over the barrier so security take him out of the way but if he swings back you're both getting chucked out of the concert. So you just sort of have to passively take it.
And I guess ironically I felt as I stood in this situation that I could relate to Patton in this particular instant, as he called the guy 'Shirley fucking faggot' or something, hocked back at him (which may have been the sad fantasy the guy was hoping for) and got one of his backing singers to spit at him. Except Mike's A) probably been through this a million fucking times B) liable to be sued if he tries to drop the cunt. Whereas I was just concerned about losing my view/missing the rest of the concert.
So if the question is 'Why did you bother coming?' the answer is because in his own head, and in truth reality he is a fan. the real question is 'What the fuck is wrong with your fucking brain, you fucking retard, you want to get your kicks spitting on a guy you respect so much, you dumbass zone 3 unemployed, Off Ya Tree shoppping motherfuck?'
Because I'm forced into my cowardly passive aggressive state this dude really got to me. Mike did stick out his tongue and encourage the guy to try and spit in his mouth, which I had previously thought was the performance artist side of the deal, but when you see it up close it happens when he's really pissed.

6. Brawling Bitches - If you weigh more than two nerds put together and your female and you are up the front where people barely have standing space, don't start dancing, you will elbow someone in the head and then if a fight starts you gracelessesly fall on your arse and security removes you (if they can)

That was just 6 and I guess it just says on a simple level that I hate fans of anything, and hate being a part of a fan base, but it happens by default when you go to see a fucking band.
But at other concerts like Pearl Jam and Ben Harper I hear it's the teeny boppers that piss everyone off. At punk concerts its going to be the guy that spits, unfortunately for me at Tool and Patton related performances its punk fans and nerds and they don't all get along.

But really all this boils down to is a lack of basic 'social' skills, we live in a society, and communities so these skills are important.
Just basic shit, like treat other people with respect, consider their feelings and empathise with them when appropriate, whether they be a high and mighty rock star on stage or just some person that wants to not be elbowed in the head because you want dancing space where it just aint available, or space for a backpack for that matter.

Even though I may seemingly contradict myself by cowardly attacking people I don't really know on my blog, a blog requires active involvement to be listened to. It isn't me yelling at your face, you all have the ability to choose to read a blog, but when you stick your elbow into me because I don't have a choice about being pushed up against you, that's the difference.

blogging = active media - requires willing participation from reader
being a cunt at a concert/footy match/school play = passive media, we all have to put up with it whether we like it or not.

So work on them social skills.
Here's some first steps -
1. You don't have to say everything you think.
2. Stand in front of the mirror and say 'Some people love me and think I am special but let's be frank, they vast majority don't'
3. Refrain from willingly causing someone physical pain or discomfort every 2nd time you are tempted too.
4. Spit down not up.

Sorry Harvard

I realised after calling Harvard names for not adding me to msn, we haven't had one single msn conversation. Because really, I don't have anything particularly pressing to talk to him about.
It would be good though if I did. Because this would mean I would have something to do betwixt now and when the peeping tom concert starts, where I will finally see Mike Patton perform on stage in the flesh.
That's fucking weird.
What else have I done this week that I neglected to put on this blog?
I ran the run to the G 10km race in a dissapointing 45.23 but this was dissapointing on the grounds of 24 seconds. which over 10k is really woopity doofuck especially when some retarded mother with retarted kids destroys the whole 'staggared start' thing by lining up with a pram in the 40 minutes or less starting line. There goes my 23 seconds making me an illegitimate claimant to the sub 45 minutes start line.
Honesty would be the best policy if it wasn't for lazy ass mums who aren't lying because they don't even bother to read the signs.
But it was good, first run I've done in a long time whereth I have had trouble walking the rest of the week.
Also I noticed I don't really lust after any women any more. 2-3 years ago I was constantly sussing out the talent in almost every aspect of my life, wondering how I could honestly and ethically manouvre myself into a better deal.
These days I just don't, I just get the fuck on with my business. Does this mean my sexual peak is well into my rear view mirror. Hopefully. Mind you of what I've observed from lecherous old men, I had thought the lusting just never lets up.
it's an odd thing.

I have a dream...yeah...who cares...me neither

I read with interest, morley's postings on TV shows he likes, recently Sunday ABC started more or less running the programming he recommended, firmly cementing my opinion of morley in the low category. He ranks there with my brother in the long line of people who download too much stuff from the internet.
I'm guessing though that morley will never stoop so low as to download Boston Legal and tell me how great William Shatner is.
But he makes a good point, about TV in general. I mean TV is just a medium and I a bored guy struggle to put a distinct value on entertainment. But Australian, even the vast majority of American television programs fail to really put any intelligence into their construct.
Some day a future version of Doctor who might TARDIS his arse into 2007 to have a scene where he sits down with the plebs watching big brother laughing with raucos laughter, because thats just how plebs laugh.
Anyway I made morley's point badly to Bryce last night, that is already towing the ABC 'underfunded' line and I allowed myself to get sidetracked way off point.
But Bryce in his infinite wisdom hit a sweet note in the conversation talking about Walt Disney specifically something Walt Disney said 'I never dumb down my movies for children' or some such stuff, and you can see that about where the Disney movies just dropped off the radar, namely between the Lion King, a movie parents could barebly sit through to Pocahontus - a film children could barely sit through.
And its all very well for Walt to say that, sure from the guy who brought us all steamboat mickey.
But that's it, there aren't too many demanding shows produced in Australia, underfunded ABC aside, an intelligent script, with a good story arc and development I imagine costs just as much per episode as a dumbass script.
Even the 'economies of scale' population arguement, look at the quality of output from the Australian film industry vs New Zealand, your talking 'Crocodile Dundee' and 'Shine' vs 'The Piano' and 'Once Were Warriors' and 'Whale Rider' New Zealand seems to hold its own against Australia despite the utter trouncing we serve up to them come Olympic time.
Australia, indeed anywhere are definitely capable of producing good stuff, in fact national boundaries should mean less with the internet shrinking the planet everyday. We should be trying to compete in a global market in terms of output.
The original Doctor Who shows managed to do so much with what was the equivalent of $0 budget.

fuckshit

Spurs won the most boring finals in recent times 4-0, and as much as I think Lebron is overrated, a premature ejaculation rather, I gotta say I feel sorry for the guy getting totally rolled like that. but hey it's a team sport, and I feel sorrier for Nowitzki.
So, the NBA playoffs just fizzed out in a fit of boredom, I watched every game up to the playoffs hoping those two teems wouldn't go through.

Hall of Shame

6 months ago

So after cutting off my long locks I more or less sported a variation of this fauxhawk and shaved various patterns into the side of my head. I like the lightning bolt I managed on this one. And that my breasts seem reel small in this photo.

5 months ago

The fauxhawk gave way to the reverse mohawk above. I debuted this at the christmass party. At this point I ran out of hair to work with, so it regrew out into a fluff ball for about 4 months.

the mighty undercut

this is what I currently sport. A haircut is no good if it doesn't make me instantly laugh. The undercut is powerful. I say the word cunt 150% more than my pre undercut days. I was never any good at spitting. Where to from here tohm? I plan to style it out into a fairly spherical fro by the time I reach Japan and then I will have a tilt at the De La Soul circa 1991.

Warning: This Is A Cup

Morley seldom crosses into the realm of pure artist but when he does he probably could make a living from it, in one of those countries like France.
The said art piece was a polystyerine coffee cup from our Dining hall with warning labels placed all over it: 'Warning this is a cup' and 'Achtung: Die ist Cup' or something.
Who knows what happened to that cup but it made a potent comment about human nature and self interest.
It was during O-week and somehow through the democratic process we had elected a President and Activities Officer that where more interested in being President and Activities Officer than doing a good job of President and Activities Officer duties.
As such when threats were levelled at said roles, they caved unashamedly, almost as if it was the rational thing to do.
It was almost as if they held their positions for priveledge and not on account of being popularly elected to represent the students of IH.
Like their foremost responsibility was to the poor and shortsighted, unprofessional and irrational business objectives of the administrative body and not to the students who financed both the student club and the college.
And as such when faced with threats to make O-week less enjoyable or face 'mysterious consequences' that never were articulated or real, they caved, they accepted the first offer and started scaling back the enjoyment of o-week because they were pussies.
All them paragraphs were summed up beautifully by one cup.
The sort of cup I will one day purchase at auction for $10,000 when Morley is rich enough to live his dream of shooting his televisions with a magnum and replacing them rather than turning them off.
Scared of what? nothing.
It was a cup and we were duly warned...that it was a cup. What else to do, it wasn't like it was a 'sharp cup' or 'cup will become hot when heated' or 'do not squeeze too hard' the warning was simply that it was a cup.
We would possibly as a society benifit more from such warning signs.
Obvious examples would be 'caution: terrorism' terrorism what? what about it? what do you want me to do? be afraid of it.
Or maybe Howard's next campaign can be: 'Warning: Economics'
In the immortal words of some guy Les Claypool quoted - 'Think it's not illegal yet'
there are a whole load of reasons as to why probability doesn't match fear, eg more people are afraid of getting eaten by a shark, than getting killed in a car crash.
People will take more precautions against being mugged at night than preventing a housefire.
A kid dying on any day is tragic, but on Christmass day it's extra tragic.
A kid is safer statistically in a house with a gun than a house with a pool.
A gun is more likely to shoot a family member than an assailant.
Yet fear often runs counter to reality.

If everything was a business and human life had a $ value. Tragically the world would probably be a lot safer.
Example: Flying a plane into the twin towers kills a lot of people unexpectadly.
Work Place Health and Safety issues kill a lot more people even more unexpectedly.

But the first one is more outragous which is why it became a trillion dollar (failed) solution to a billion dollar problem.
Similarly, the sales of gas masks skyrocketed following the twin tower attack, now I believe that not a single person who bought a gas mask believed any organisation short of the US government capable of launching a gas attack on every street corner of every city of every state in the US. People opted though to try and solve the problem of their remote probability of being attacked in this specific way without any real evidence that this kind of attack was probable in the first place.
Hence - 'Warning: Terrorism' is all you really need to say. Then you simply go and invade countries and buy gasmasks, and advertise toll free numbers to report suspicious 'anythings' or 'pieces of information' all in the name of taking the necessary precautions against 'terrorism'
which is likely to be a far too political analogy. I simply want to highlight the disparity between how willingly people subscribe to fear for some things, and not for others:
eg. 'Warning: Terrorism'
vs. 'Warning: Diabetes'
Two unspecific warning labels, but I'm not sure anywhere near the number of people are afraid of diabetes than are afraid of Arabs. (Arabs = Terrorism)
And it could be that similar to cars, the threat of diabetes may only be averted by sacrificing parts of our lifestyle we have grown accustomed to.
Eg. Fast food and sugar in the case of Diabetes (and driving walking distances etc)
and driving over the speed limit, whilst drunk & driving in general for car crashes.
But some of the shit involved in 'preventing' terrorism require sacrifice to lifestyle as well - eg. civil liberties, national dignity, having to actually think hard about a career in the armed forces etc.

The real thing the cup said to me, is, if you are going to be afraid, have a good reason. Don't just be afraid because it's generally thought to be a good idea.
Flashman is a primo example of someone who get's afraid for good reason, he runs away when his life is in danger.
People who run away, sign things over, or pay money when nothing is in danger we call, dumbasses.

The other thing for me is the old definition of insanity - more of a strategic overview overall - 'doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result' this sentiment was also espoused by the sad social climber of a high school principal I had when he used to say the no less valid 'you'll always get what you've always got, if you always do what you've always done'
Which makes assumptions - the best case scenario is 'you'll always get what you've always got' it needs to be qualified with 'or less'
Bill Russell had a take on it too in terms of basketball which was 'if you are doing something right, don't stop it for your oponent, let them stop you' infact if you want a good read, read Bill Russell's nba finals/playoffs blog.
If there is no evidence to suggest a current strategy will stop being successful, this is the best reason to continue. Contingencies sure, and obviously the evidence in a bball match that a strategy isn't working because you stop getting stops on defense and scoring on offense.
Anyway, that is all I really have to say, today.

Celebrity

I was walking down the street on sunday, and this guy dining al fresco started yelling at me. I was wearing my Mambo shirt circa 1998 full of holes and shit so I was pretty sure he couldn't have mistook me for a waiter and I was about to say 'I'm not a fucking waiter' when he said 'you're from brunswick right?'
Anyway this guy started talking to me about my long socks and my crazy haircuts, then told me how I should come to him for haircuts.
We talked about his store and he offered me my first haircut free.
I'm not sure if he was hitting on me but he said he could do the detailing so I'm tempted.
Pity I'm growing a fro out now.
I'll put up my hall of shame, still I'm flattered to join the ranks of crazy guys that walk around brunswick and get noticed all the time.

Baby Steps

Last night I put on my first dinner party as an unmarried young professional.
I like to think it was a step away from adolescence, into the realm of adulthood.
What it was was a fearful range of emotions as I realized the imagined pressure middle age people go through when they do these things for a good time.
I mean the company was excellent, and thanks to the ring in chefs I don't think there's ever been better food served.
It ended up through my own disorganized panic over catered and under attended by my fellows who just aren't ready yet.
Which is odd since I'm the one in a basketball jersey and sporting an undercut.
But I seriously felt the whole spectrum yesterday you know from joy through to despair.
I usually have the attitude that people should be grateful no matter what shit I serve up but for some reason I got real performance anxiety.
I had sold it as an iron chef event, and only I ended up running around stressed out and cutting dishes from my entry.
I destroyed a blender but ended up pulling off all my dishes.
Sonam cooked something shit hot but couldn't stay to eat, I do love that big guy, he cut my onions up for me as I really get done in by their noxious acid.
And I can tell Janice will be talking about Amrish's tofu at dinner parties for the next three years or so.
There was so much good food you almost wished for a vomitorium so you could go for seconds.
Fortunately I will be spared the dissapointment of returning to corner store food for a week or so thanks to the miracle of Tupperware.
But I realised the dinner party was sort of a profound metaphor for my life, that is a wonderful idea with dismal execution. And I wonder, could this mean I will never be organised enough to command my army of ninja's?