We'd Make Great Pets

Please allow me to expose myself for the hypocrite I am. I have a weakness (not hypocrisy) for subservience. Often in life I’ve felt a temptation to subscribe to some doctrine or another, to disciple myself to some impressive person. I have gone seeking information to actively seek out some theory or person I can use to alleviate all responsibility for my own actions. You don’t get into warrior code and loyalty as values unless there’s a very small person inside of you that wants to be a lapdog. The only thing that’s stopped me is the fact that I just don’t often get impressed. Many have hit me with the good old ‘my standards are too high’ I don’t really think they are. Mostly just too different.
If everyone was asked what they would do to fix the world given supreme powers you’d probably get many and varied results. I for one would try and create a stress free and fun living environment for everyone. I guess that’s why self determination is so important to most people.
There’s a Porno for Pyro’s song that goes: ‘Will there be another race to, come along and takeover for us, maybe Martians can do, better than we’ve done! We’ll make great pets, we will make great pets, we’ll make great pets…’ I love the sentiment. Its fatalistic yes throwing in the towel on humans managing their own affairs but what if? What if someone could do a better job?
So often ambition is encouraged, driven is such an admirable quality but there’s no inherent recognition of the greater good. I’m not talking about speculating ‘what if there’s someone better out there’ I’m saying if there is someone better out there.
How trusting dogs are! We answer the difficult economic questions, work individually unrewarding hours, accumulate debts and feel guilty for the third world. They sit in a yard chewing on pine cones, eating, sleeping and playing all day. It’s a dogs life for sure but its fine provided you don’t want empowerment and intellectual challenge. I am often ‘off with the fairies’ (I used this phrase at my new school in year 8 in a PE class, beatings ensued) so I’m hard pressed to get truly bored or unstimulated.
I’d make a great pet, I’m loveable and shaggy. I enjoy being scratched and patted. I like running around in parks. Eating with my bare hands. If faced with some good competition what would we do? I for one would lie down and have my belly tickled.
It as always is a question of benevolence for those questioning why I’d lay down for a martian but not an omnipresent divine being. If you don’t treat me right girls I’d bight the hand that feeds me gladly. I just think I’d make a great pet, like a Labrador or something.
Blind ambition on the other hand needs to be looked at. There are times in life when its more constructive to sit back and not strive for personal glory. I was having a laugh with a friend over the phenomena of when a large group with no hierarchy has to solve a problem often people will reiterate the exact same point the last person made just to make sure everyone knows they were thinking it as well. I should laugh at myself for a do the same thing. Its amazing though how often the need is felt by more than one person and the same solution can be arrived at by two different minds.
I’ll never get to be a pet to a kind master (I dream of Genie style, marrying your magical slave you dirty NASA bastard) just because what I ultimately want is different to the next person, my interpretation of a ‘kind master’ would be different from everyone elses. Like the ridiculous pursuit of a soul mate or a universal truth. At the end of the day it ‘s a weak disposition to want to be a pet. People are imperfect and are going to make mistakes but its endearing not damning. We’ve also come further than all other lifeforms known in terms of manipulating the natural world around us. Whether this is an achievement or not can be disputed but you never see wild animals feeling sorry for themselves, just hungry.
I’m trying to be a good labradorian but 21 years of being a cynical contrarian in every social interaction have put bad habits into me, active committed support seems almost out of my grasp. I personally could probably benefit from living as a happy tail wagging Labrador for a while and wouldn’t mind having that lifestyle enabled. I don’t think I’m a hypocrite. Every time I’m in a relationship my friends all say I’m whipped. I disagree.